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jenzo643 01-21-2012 04:08 PM

Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
I lost my dad unexpectedly 6 weeks ago from an aortic aneurysm, never having had a chance to say goodbye. He was almost 77 years old, but he was so full of life, and had so many plans, he seemed like a 30-year-old. He had no symptoms at all related to his condition. The surgeon who worked on him said he was most likely born with this condition. My mother is heartbroken and bereft because she was with him since she was 15. Foolishly, I assumed that he'd be around forever. I realize that 77 years old is a pretty long life, but it doesn't make the loss any easier.

People have said that in time, the pain gets better. I'm curious how people who have lost a parent or close loved one deal with this horror. It feels unreal to me that for 40 years, he was my father, mentor and friend, and now I don't have him anymore. I hate not having a father, and I hate to see my mom so sad. I feel responsible for her, even though she doesn't want me to feel this way. I look forward to going to bed at night now, so that I can go to sleep and give my brain a break from the horror that keeps replaying in my head.

:(

slenderella 01-21-2012 06:14 PM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. my Dad, 78, died this past August.
I don't think the loss is anything you will get over.... It will just morph into a loss that doesn't rip your heart out like it does, now. I wish you the very best.

jenzo643 01-23-2012 06:33 PM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
Thank you for your response. The pain of losing him so suddenly has been like no other, that I have ever experienced.

sunshine123 01-25-2012 12:16 AM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
I'm sorry about the loss of your dad. My dad just died Dec. 10th, 2011 and it seems surreal that I don't have parents anymore as my mom died in 1995. The only family I have left is one brother and we've never been close. If it weren't for my husband, I think I would have gone crazy from grief. I hope the pain of losing your dad suddenly will decrease as time goes on. Sue

mrskier 01-25-2012 11:57 PM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
Sorry to hear about your loss!! My father died unexpectedly also. He was actually in remission from cancer and losing weight to control his diabetes. Was doing very well until passing away suddenly from a massive heart attack. Did not see this coming. I found him in the morning and it was the only time in my life that I "lost it". I had seen death, had family members die, seen horrible things overseas in Iraq and thought that I would handle it better.
It is a hard thing to grieve and see those you love grieve and hurting. It took me personally 3 months to start to feel better or at least not have that empty feeling in your chest. For me my spirituality helped tremendously. You never know how to handle it and it is overwhelming. You never forget the loss, but it does get better. Death should never over shadow life.
If your father lived to be 70 then there is much more life than the moment of death. We are suppose to feel this way, the pain is a testament to the love we have for them. The deeper the pain the greater the love. It taught me how much I loved my father and I am grateful to grief for that.
It gives you a new perspective on life and makes you appreciate those you have with you. Hope my experience helps you some. Please feel free to talk about him if you like!!
Prayers!

calpina 01-28-2012 09:04 AM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
So sorry to hear about your loss!! I too lost my father very unexpectedly with a MI at age 67!! That was 19 years ago, believe me (and others) when they say time is a great healer, it is. At the time I felt cheated, so many things left to say and do and I wanted to blame everybody and everything for taking him away from us! That too subsides. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him or have a little chat with him in my own way!! Now just very grateful for the time I had with him and proud to have been his daughter. Hugs and prayers xxx

cetiya 01-30-2012 03:36 AM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
i lost my dad from the very same thing, though he had the surgery and died three weeks after the surgery. his death still haunts me, even though he died in 1999. he was 71 and was in great health. but his lungs betrayed him and he couldnt get off the vent. i feel he was gypped out of many years of life and his death makes me angry. i'm scared now cos my boyfriend is going to have the same surgery in march and i'm afraid he will die also. not much comfort i can give, losing your dad sucks and hurts for a long time.

jenzo643 01-30-2012 08:18 PM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I feel like I've gone through life living in a bubble of sorts-you kind of take things for granted. I have run the gamut of emotions-to drowning in despair to anger that he couldn't have lived longer-he had all these plans lined up! To maybe a few minutes of peace a day to numbness, the list goes on.....it isn't easy.

oneoftheboys 03-10-2012 01:07 PM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. (Man, that phrase is awful. I mean it though.)
It does get easier. Time is a great healer, and it will become something that you can live with, a part of you. And it makes you strong, so so strong.
My Dad died last April. He was only 50; and it broke my heart. I went completely numb for a long time, and so my grieving was a little delayed - it's totally natural to feel completely awful and not want to get out of bed in the morning. People say that it never goes away; but you won't always be thinking about him, and you won't always be sad about him. Soon enough, something will make you happy. I was told I would never feel "normal" again, but that wasn't right for me; you get used to this new kind of normal, this new world where he's not around. Things change, and you do learn to accept them. (When I say this, I don't mean that it's okay, because it's not, and you will always feel sad about this - but you don't spend every minute thinking about it.
I was desperate for a time limit, a time when I'd stop grieving; and in the last month or so, I've accepted it, and got used to it. (That's nearly a year; but everyone is different and grieves at their own pace.) I can talk about him and laugh now; but when something good happens, or when i've achieved something, I find my joy checked - because I want to tell him about it. I've not forgotten my Dad, and I never ever will - but it does get to the point where you don't remember so [I]hard. [/I] If that makes sense?
Talk to someone who is kind, but neutral. That helps like nothing else does. God bless.

jenzo643 03-12-2012 07:27 PM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
[QUOTE=cetiya;4919455]i lost my dad from the very same thing, though he had the surgery and died three weeks after the surgery. his death still haunts me, even though he died in 1999. he was 71 and was in great health. but his lungs betrayed him and he couldnt get off the vent. i feel he was gypped out of many years of life and his death makes me angry. i'm scared now cos my boyfriend is going to have the same surgery in march and i'm afraid he will die also. not much comfort i can give, losing your dad sucks and hurts for a long time.[/QUOTE]

Hi Ceiya, I am so sorry to hear about your dad and your boyfriend. I appreciate you sharing your story with me, however. I hope the surgery goes smoothly for you boyfriend.

Jen

passionflower77 11-03-2012 05:17 PM

Re: Lost my Dad unexpectedly
 
Hello I was suprised to see your username thats how my husba;)nd and I combine our name.
How are you doing now? My Dad was in an accident and.was in another country he passed on.
I cannot cope with my grief....Some people do comfort me...but some react in ways I find selfish.
I am trying hard......My Dad was 58. He and I have always been so close.
How did.you heal?


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