my sister died of leukemia on 12/31/11
My 48 year old sister was diagnosed with leukemia on 11/18/11. She died on 12/31/11. She had a 30% chance of living if she tried to fight it, but she chose to die. She tried to kill herself so many times. She was bipolar and had severe back problems, so she was always depressed. She started spiraling out of control about 5 1/2 years ago--divorcing her husband, dating a man who would beat her and telling people absurd lies.
I took care of her in her last days. She needed morphine every hour and I didn't sleep for over a week. She checked herself into a hotel because she was not right mentally and she was so irrational.
I've been a mess since she died. I am struggling with how sad I am that she's gone and how angry I am with her for not trying to live - for being so mean and vicious while she was dying - for being so hurtful with her words and the lies she would tell about her family.
My mother has severe dementia and we have to pretend she's not dead because my mother doesn't remember and every time she would find out, she'd have a breakdown. My father died of liver cancer in 2004.
I can't sleep. I quit my job because I can't go every day. I cry all day. The pain is overwhelming.