Re: grieving mom's death :0(
Hello to you...
I came here to write about my parents both passing away 30 days apart, just 3 months ago...but first I read your post and had to respond to you.
First of all, I am sure there is no one correct way to grieve. It is is individual as the relationship was between the two people involved. I don't believe you can do it "wrong" either, maybe there are healthier and more productive ways than others, but it is up to each of us to do it the best way we can. I think it comes down to honoring the persons life and their contribution to your life. I don't think anyone needs or wants anyone to feel terrible pain for ever, following their death, particularly a parent for a child. No parent would want their child to suffer over their loss, as much as they would have wanted to stay here as long as you needed her to, she simply could not. She was called away from this earth, and had to go at the time she did, and there was nothing you or anyone could have done to change the facts.
I am sure the fact thay you were at such a tender age made it all the more difficult for you to overcome her death right away, and may explain the reason you are still coming to terms with it al these years later, Perhaps you simply did not have the skills to deal with it any earlier,,,I dont think the time is the important part, it is that you just do it eventually. Only you will know when you are passed it, if ever.
Now, lets get right past the feelings of fault or self blame for you...it could have not possibly be your fault, it is no ones fault. death does not come with fault, only facts, Of course you are not a bad daughter either, that is out the windoow. Your mother would have never wanted you to feel anything but love from her, she was the one person in this world that loved you completely and with all her heart. She must have never wanted to have to leave you, but hopefully she left you strong enough to know she wanted you to be happy and to work towards that in your life.
I would cherish the memories you have of your mother, and yourself together,,,.the way she did things, and how she was. Always remember she would want you happy. more than anything.
I am a mom, and am living with several life threatening illnesses, and all I can ever hope for is that my two sons can keep me alive in their memories should I have to leave them before I want to. I have worked hard to share all my thoughts and love for them so that they know how I feel every day. After just going through the loss of both my parents, and my sons losing their grandparents who were very close to both of them, we all learned something about life and death. When a person passes on, we loose them in person, but thier memories will never leave us, we can still call on them for advice and help and listed carefully for thier advice,. i always know what my mom or dad would have said if I asked them anything, and that can never be taken away.
I would encourage you to pat yourself on the back for making it without you rmother to guide you through the last years without her, and look forward to a new life for yourself, to make your life wonderful and keeping the memory of her alive in your siblings and grandparents. I hope a little encouragement helps you out. Please leave the guilt and pain out of it, and focus on the good that was left behind,,,