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Old 02-28-2012, 05:21 PM   #1
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Not accepting my mothers death

Hello - I found this site while trying to google what I"m dealing with. My mother passed away 2/19/12 - just one day after her birthday. She was only 57. She had Crohns and was having a bad time with it. She was in & out of the hospital about 3 times this past year. The most recent time was in January. She was home, and told me that she was feeling better and able to eat without being sick. I thought she was finally on her way to being the mom I remembered her to be before she got sick.
Then out of the blue, I got the call. My brother called me hysterical telling me that my mom was gone. I raced over there like a lunatic, because I was so sure this was not true. I had just talked to her 2 days ago. As I reached the house, cops were there, neighbors and my brother crying on the porch. My mom was gone.

I found out later from her boyfriend that she had been lying to me. She was never better. Once she got home from the hospital, she was bedridden. She couldn't' walk at all, her legs were swollen and they caused her great pain. Per her death certificate, she died from coronary artery disease, listing crohns & her smoking has the secondary causes.
I'm realizing now that she gave up. She just didn't want to go on. She stopped taking her medicine, she stopped talking to her family & friends.

Part of me is still so angry at her, why did she lie to me? Why did she not let me help her? I am so mad! i want to scream at her, but most of all I just want her back.
I have cried, I have screamed. My heart knows she is gone, and it breaks everyday when I wake up knowing that she is gone. But my brain isn't letting me accept it. I don't really understand what is happening.

 
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Old 02-28-2012, 05:27 PM   #2
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Re: Not accepting my mothers death

Hi Adota - I'm sorry for your loss!
I bet your mom was trying to protect you by not telling you.......I see this with my own mom sometimes. It doesn't mean it's right, it's just the way some families (don't) deal with things. Please be easy on yourself.......

 
Old 02-29-2012, 07:01 AM   #3
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Re: Not accepting my mothers death

A few of my family & friends have said that she was trying to protect me. But I will never understand, why did she give up? She was so young! I just will never understand this at all. I think becuase I am still so mad at her, that I haven't been able to fully accept it. I mean as I sit here, I know she is gone, but I feel that she isn't. It's weird. I just don't really know how to explain it.

 
Old 02-29-2012, 07:28 AM   #4
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Re: Not accepting my mothers death

I understand.....it's just hard to believe.....
anger is one of the stages of grief, so it's not unexpected to be angry......

 
Old 02-29-2012, 12:32 PM   #5
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Re: Not accepting my mothers death

I am sorry for your loss. She gave up because it was all she could do. For some reason, she couldn't deal with all the issues - having to quit smoking, follow a strict diet plan for the Crohns's,e tc that were required to get past this. Some people just aren't able to do the things they need to do to be healthy and she evidently was one. there was no way she could have admitted that to you. At least she's not in pain any longer.

 
Old 03-01-2012, 01:42 PM   #6
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Re: Not accepting my mothers death

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know how to comfort you since I lost my only sister recently as well. Just want to remind you that you can cry and rant all you want, just don't forget to take care of yourself.

 
Old 03-01-2012, 06:48 PM   #7
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Re: Not accepting my mothers death

Thank you guys. I appreciate your thoughts. I just want this feeling to go away. I hate stressing out, and worrying about things. I'm so worried that by brother or nephew are going to do something stupid.

 
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