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Old 03-04-2012, 05:25 PM   #1
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Question 26 Year Old on the Journey to Losing My Mother!

I need some help! I am 26 years old and no siblings. I lost my father when I was 16. My mother remarried and she lost that husband 8 years later. My mother was my stepfathers caretaker and did that for seven years. He died in April of 2011. My mother and I said that we hang out more, exercise together and travel. The next few months we were getting closer and closer. In November 2011 she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and has not been the same since. I was told that she did not have very long to live. She tried one chemotherapy and it did not work, so she decided to go with hospice. I am at home with her now and it seems like she is slowly slipping away and I cant do anything about. It feels like I have lost her and she has not passed on yet. Her mind is leaving and she is starting to hurt all over. I feel so helpless and lonely. My friends have gravitated away from me. I have a boyfriend and he is very understanding because he lost his mom when he Was a 11 years old.

I cry so much because i know that my mom will not be there when I have children, graduate from college and get married. I dont know how to feel about this situation. I dont want to be deppressed but I know its coming because I feel like I will loose my bestfriend. My biggest fear is finding her passed on while Im at home alone in the middle of the night even though that is how she wants to go. My mom and I have cried about this many a day because she wants to be with me in my life but she is just too sick to do so......

If there is anybody with advice or that I could talk to on a more personal level I would definitely appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

 
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Old 03-04-2012, 08:32 PM   #2
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Re: 26 Year Old on the Journey to Losing My Mother!

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. My advice would be instead of you two mourning the things she will miss when she passes, try to focus on the good times and the bond you two have made over the past year. Your torturing yourself by dwelling on the negatives. If you would like to talk more your more than welcome to PM me anytime.

Last edited by hb-mod; 04-17-2012 at 01:16 PM.

 
Old 03-25-2012, 11:33 PM   #3
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Re: 26 Year Old on the Journey to Losing My Mother!

You have had many losses at a young age. I'm so sorry for that and my heart is heavy for you as you anticipate the death of your ailing mom. I'm glad you have your boyfriend to stand by you. Don't be afraid to lean on him. Please don't isolate yourself from your friends. Reconnect with them now because you need them as well during this difficult time of fear and despair. If you have other family such as aunts, uncles, cousins give them a call so they can be there for you and your mom. It's so important to take this time to have heart to heart talks with your mother. Discuss great memories, share with your mother why you have appreciated her. Let her know that she will always be in your heart as you travel through life's milestone events as well as every day after she passes. It will help her and you to talk about how much you have meant to each other. After she passes you will be so glad that loving feelings were shared and you'll treasure the closeness you and she had. You'll be able to carry that with you forever and it will really help pull you through the tough times when you are missing her. Also, speak with the hospice nurses and social worker. They are there to take care of your mom's needs AND yours. They are specifically skilled in attending to many issues related to death and grief so do utilize their services. Inquire about berevement counseling as well. It can be helpful to connect with others who share similar losses and are struggling with their grief. You have managed to get through some tough times thus far...you will get through this as well even though it will be extremely painful. My thoughts are with you.

 
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Old 04-16-2012, 09:14 PM   #4
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Re: 26 Year Old on the Journey to Losing My Mother!

Even though I read this after my mother passed. I used the same advice that you gave in your reply to my cry for help. My mother passed on St. Patricks day which is a holiday that will always have great meaning! I appreciate the kind words and expressions that you gave me and it was so comforting to read this after the fact because I did everything that you said. I am at peace with myself because I did everything that I possibly knew how to do to make her last days comfortable and filled with love. I miss her oh so dearly but you are right she is in my heart and will always be a part of me no matter where I am at in my life because she made me. Again I just want to thank you for reaching out to me, it really means a lot.

 
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:45 AM   #5
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Re: 26 Year Old on the Journey to Losing My Mother!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sstinson24 View Post
Even though I read this after my mother passed. I used the same advice that you gave in your reply to my cry for help. My mother passed on St. Patricks day which is a holiday that will always have great meaning! I appreciate the kind words and expressions that you gave me and it was so comforting to read this after the fact because I did everything that you said. I am at peace with myself because I did everything that I possibly knew how to do to make her last days comfortable and filled with love. I miss her oh so dearly but you are right she is in my heart and will always be a part of me no matter where I am at in my life because she made me. Again I just want to thank you for reaching out to me, it really means a lot.
I'm sincerely sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. Both our mom's died of GI cancers...my mom's cancer was bile duct. I'm relieved that you made the opportunities to spend that time with your mom and that you and she talked. I was able to do the same with my mom also and it made all the difference in the world to her and to me. I'll be forever grateful to have had such a special lady as my mom. I'm sure you're feeling similar. Know that as you move forward with your life your mother is with you in spirit. I feel my parents love all around me and it is very comforting even though I desperately miss their physical presence. I'm glad that my words to you were of some comfort. Don't let yourself be alone for too long...ever again. Continue to reach out to others for support and love and to give support and love..all through your life. We make the world a more comforting and joyful place when we do. Many blessings! ; )

 
Old 04-17-2012, 01:42 PM   #6
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Re: 26 Year Old on the Journey to Losing My Mother!

I'm so sorry you lost your mom, but on the other hand I'm glad that her spirit is free and she is out of pain.

 
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