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Old 04-09-2012, 09:12 PM   #1
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My dad was my best friend. :(

My father passed away March 22nd, three days before his 66th birthday (and the day he had planned to start retirement). Although it has been almost three weeks, I am still in complete shock.

My father's death was sudden and unexpected. I took him to the Emergency Room early Tuesday morning for abdominal pain, and less than 48 hours later, his whole body had given out and he was pronounced dead. The doctors still have no clue what happened... they cannot confirm anything. In the Emergency Room, the doctors said he was having a massive heart attack and rushed him to get an angioplasty, but found out that there were no blockages in his heart to be cleared. This caused the cardiologist to speculate that it may not have been a heart attack in the first place.

However, he was sent to the Cardiac ICU for further monitoring, and that's when his blood pressure fell dangerously low. They were pushing bags and bags of IV fluids into his body to keep his blood pressure from bottoming out. That's when they suspected that he might have severe septic shock which was causing the low blood pressure, but they were unable to take him to get a CT scan done to find out if there was any necrosis of the intestines causing the blood infection because he was too unstable to be moved. 24 hours after he was admitted into the Cardiac ICU, his lungs started to give out and he had to be sedated and put on a respirator.

My father's kidneys started to fail, and was unable to dispose of the extra fluids in his body being pushed in intravenously. His body was unable to rid itself of the toxins. The doctors tried to put him on dialysis, but regular dialysis caused his blood pressure to dip too low. They put him on a very slow dialysis, but it was not fast enough to rid his body of the toxins that had been building up for over a day now.

Finally, at 3:45am Thursday morning, my father's heart stopped beating. My mother, brother, and I were sleeping in the family room and heard a code blue being called over the intercom and knew it was for our father. 30 minutes later, the doctor came to us and told us the news. We were devastated. My father had literally been healthy, and walked himself into the emergency room less than 48 hours prior. Less than a day before he passed, he was sitting up, talking, and joking with the doctors. And in an instant, he was gone.

What makes this so immensely hard is not having answers. We are not sure if the emergency room doctor made a wrong diagnosis initially, or if he was just too sick for anything to be done. We don't even know what caused the severe septic shock. We denied an autopsy, which could have possibly given us answers, but the doctors said that the chances of finding out the cause would have only been 30% at best. We didn't want to put our father's body through any more torment.

My father was my best friend. He was my hero, my biggest motivator, my protector, my confidant... just my daddy. He will never get to walk me down the aisle when I get married, be around when I have grandchildren, enjoy retirement with my mother. He was three days shy of his retirement, and finally having some time off to enjoy life.

My father's death left my whole family heartbroken. It was too early... it wasn't his time yet. I don't yet know how to grieve... or cope... or live life without him. I miss my daddy, so very much.

 
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:24 PM   #2
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

I actually came to this board for something else and saw your post which really tugged at my heart. I'm sure nothing can ease your pain right now but I just want to tell you that there are people who have never experienced a fathers love. To have had your father for as long as you did was a true blessing. You had a beautiful and real relationship with your Dad and although you are grieving now you should find some comfort in the memories of your loving father.

 
Old 04-10-2012, 07:42 PM   #3
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Sweetie. I agree with you, he went far too soon.
I know you'll miss him so much. Cherish all of the wonderful memories you have. Although Dad is gone now, those memories will last forever and ever....until you see him again.

blessings, Sue

 
Old 04-13-2012, 04:05 PM   #4
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squarebzz View Post
I actually came to this board for something else and saw your post which really tugged at my heart. I'm sure nothing can ease your pain right now but I just want to tell you that there are people who have never experienced a fathers love. To have had your father for as long as you did was a true blessing. You had a beautiful and real relationship with your Dad and although you are grieving now you should find some comfort in the memories of your loving father.
Thank you so much Squarebzz. I do feel grateful that I was fortunate to have such a loving and caring father in my life. I cherish all of the memories that I have of my father, but will forever feel an emptiness in my heart. However, I will try to continue to live my life in a way that will make my father proud.

 
Old 04-13-2012, 04:13 PM   #5
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by gardensparrow View Post
I'm so sorry too, friend. I can't imagine what your family must be going through right now-especially as your dad's death was so unexpected. I know there's nothing anyone can really say to make the pain go away, but know you're in my prayers. And, don't hesitate to look into a counselor or support group if you find the grief gets to be too much. There's no shame in reaching out for help. You may be surprised at the healing that can provide. I've also heard a broadcast on the Focus on the Family website that was called "Coping With the Loss of a Loved One." I thought it had some good support to offer for those in your shoes. So, just FYI if you ever want to look it up. Well, hang in there! ((Hugs))
Thanks, gardensparrow. The grieving process has been difficult so far as we've had family from out of the country staying with us for weeks. On top of it all, as drained as I am emotionally, my body must have been hit pretty hard too. I've come down with pneumonia. I think the real grieving will start once my family gets some alone time, and my mother and I start going through my father's things to give to the Good Will. Waking up in the morning, walking around the house, everything still seems unreal, like my dad will come out of his room any second. Everything is still right where my dad left it. I know with time, I will slowly begin to heal. Thank you for the advice. I will definitely look into counseling if I feel that the grieving is too much for me to handle. I am more worried about my mom. She was so dependent on my dad. My father always put gas in my mom's car, surprised her with her favorite sweets, called my mom at work whenever she was working late, randomly came home with flowers to make her smile. I know she's trying to appear strong for me and my brother, but she's hurting more than words can describe. To become a widow at 59 must be unimaginable.

 
Old 04-13-2012, 04:19 PM   #6
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

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Originally Posted by slenderella View Post
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Sweetie. I agree with you, he went far too soon.
I know you'll miss him so much. Cherish all of the wonderful memories you have. Although Dad is gone now, those memories will last forever and ever....until you see him again.

blessings, Sue
Thank you, Sue. As hard as things are right now, I know there are a lot more hard times to come. The day I get married, I will know that my father would have both loved and hated to walk me down the aisle. (He always said that my wedding day is a day he was not looking forward to... giving me away his only daughter). When I have my first child, I will know that my father would have loved his grandchild unconditionally. My brother and father bought fishing licenses together and was planning on going on a sport fishing trip this summer. I will miss having my dad, but I will cherish all of the memories and time we spent together.

 
Old 06-20-2012, 08:48 PM   #7
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

First off I am so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling March of 2011 my Dad went into the hospital with a septic infection, that started clearing up and then he needed surgery fr free air in his abdomen. They went in to take care of that did what they had to do and then told us my father was in End Stage Non Alcoholic liver disease. I a so upset and so angry. In February my dad had been to a liver specialist because he had a small tumor. The did a chemo embolization on his liver and said it was fine. Two months later my Dad was gone from end stage liver disease. I miss him so much and it is making me crazy. How could they not have known two months earlier at a LIVER SPECIALIST. There is not a day goes by that I don't cry and try to figure out what went wrong. I really think families need more of an explanation when it comes to situations like that. I feel something was done incorrectly and it haunts me on a daily basis. My thoughts and prayers are with you as go are going through this and I wanted you to know you are NOTalone in this situation. I know my dad is with me every day. But I understand people can tell you remember the good times and time heals all wounds. I don't believe we will ever heal from this. I believe over the passed year it has gotten .....what can I say.? You kind of adjust to them not being around. It takes awhile. Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve, when to grieve or that you have to move on andthink of the good times. Yes you do have to go on but you have to grieve in your time in your way I found myself trying not to do certain things because of what people would think! BS that just set me back. Do it your way. And if you need an ear or shoulder I can tell you I get it. Sorry about spelling and such as I can hardly see threw the tears that are rolling down my face. Hang in there {{{big hug }}}

 
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Old 06-27-2012, 04:58 PM   #8
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

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Originally Posted by Missinudad View Post
First off I am so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling March of 2011 my Dad went into the hospital with a septic infection, that started clearing up and then he needed surgery fr free air in his abdomen. They went in to take care of that did what they had to do and then told us my father was in End Stage Non Alcoholic liver disease. I a so upset and so angry. In February my dad had been to a liver specialist because he had a small tumor. The did a chemo embolization on his liver and said it was fine. Two months later my Dad was gone from end stage liver disease. I miss him so much and it is making me crazy. How could they not have known two months earlier at a LIVER SPECIALIST. There is not a day goes by that I don't cry and try to figure out what went wrong. I really think families need more of an explanation when it comes to situations like that. I feel something was done incorrectly and it haunts me on a daily basis. My thoughts and prayers are with you as go are going through this and I wanted you to know you are NOTalone in this situation. I know my dad is with me every day. But I understand people can tell you remember the good times and time heals all wounds. I don't believe we will ever heal from this. I believe over the passed year it has gotten .....what can I say.? You kind of adjust to them not being around. It takes awhile. Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve, when to grieve or that you have to move on andthink of the good times. Yes you do have to go on but you have to grieve in your time in your way I found myself trying not to do certain things because of what people would think! BS that just set me back. Do it your way. And if you need an ear or shoulder I can tell you I get it. Sorry about spelling and such as I can hardly see threw the tears that are rolling down my face. Hang in there {{{big hug }}}
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, also. I feel the same way as you... that we won't ever fully heal from this. Things will get better and easier, but having a loved one taken from you unexpectedly hits you so hard. In both of our situations, we did everything we could. Our fathers went to a medical professional as soon as symptoms started, only to be let down. I understand that doctors and specialists are not perfect and they do make mistakes... and some people are just beyond their expertise, but as someone who was on the other end of that mistake - it's just so hard to take.

I also feel that the doctors made a mistake in caring for my father. We took my father into the emergency room Sunday night the first time because he was having severe abdominal pain. He was given pretty much Maalox with lidocaine and sent home, saying that it was an ulcer. Then, we went to his primary care physician the next morning and was also sent away with stronger stomach medication. That night... late Monday/early Tuesday, we went back to the ER. His stomach pain had not gone away and his blood pressure had dropped extremely low, causing my father to pass out right as he entered the ER. The doctors said that he was having a heart attack and rushed him in for an emergency angioplasty.

What angers me is that in the end, it was concluded that he actually did not have a heart attack. I feel like his stomach pain on Sunday night was a symptom of septic shock from necrosis in his abdomen somewhere. Had the doctors performed adequate testing the first night, my father would have started broad spectrum antibiotics and IV therapy more than 48 hours prior. That could have saved his life. Septic shock was not even considered until a few hours before he ended up on life support because it was so severe by that time, it could not be contained.

We denied an autopsy because my father would not have wanted that. However, I feel that the doctors made a serious mistake. Even before my father passed away, we had several doctors approach us and try to talk us out of an autopsy, maybe to cover their mistakes. I am so angry at the doctors. They should have done an abdominal scan the first night he went into the Emergency Room. I want so badly for the doctors to be held responsible for their mistakes, but at this point, it is just speculation that a mistake was made. I just don't understand how you diagnose and treat someone for a massive heart attack, perform surgery, and then a day and a half later, go back on your diagnosis and say that it was never true to begin with... and that it was actually something much much more serious.

As angry as I am, I feel horrible for my mother. Our household income has been cut in half, and she can not count on the social security that my father was to receive when he retired - my mother makes above the ridiculous minimum amount the government has set. She has to make less than $17,000 a year in order to receive a portion of his social security. My father did not have life insurance yet, he was in the process of doing all the paperwork. Because of the doctors' mistakes, my mother has been left in a horrible financial situation.

I am sorry for my rant. It's been three months now since my father passed away and it has not gotten any easier. I cry when I see fathers with their daughters on TV... or any wedding situations.

I am also here if you need someone to lend an ear, and can give you my e-mail if you want. I understand what you're going through, for sure. I hope that you will find some peace knowing that your father is no longer in any kind of pain. That is the only thing that gives me any minute amount of comfort - knowing that my father hated hospitals, did not want to be in pain.

*big hugs*

 
Old 11-27-2012, 09:42 PM   #9
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

It really hard losing a father and Im sorry for your lose. I lost my dad when i was 16 from Cancer. Its probably harder losing someone unexpectedly. It still hurts and its been 3 years but thinking of my 7 year old sister and my mom helps me get through. I got through my first year cause i felt like i needed to be strong for them. It gets easier with time and thinking about the good times help too. I even went and bought some books that really helped me out too. I bought one for a dollar that was called "Losing A Parent: Practical Help for You and Other Family" It was very helpful. Surrounding yourself with the people you love helps too. Along with friends. Good Luck Hun. I know you'll make it through

 
Old 11-28-2012, 07:17 AM   #10
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Re: My dad was my best friend. :(

I read a beautiful brochure, "when someone you love dies" it really helped me when I was greeted by my Mom on Thursday morning and then she was dead Black Friday midnight. So I am not real thrilled about the 3rd Thursday in Nov. The answers you need are in that brochure. It made things make sense, it helped through the shock and then sustained heart pain, it made it bearable. But check it out it is a really comforting brochure.

 
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