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Old 05-15-2012, 08:47 PM   #1
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Will This End

In March I lost my mother who was 94 years. She was with me for the last 10 years and the last two months of her life she was bed bound and I helped Hospice care for her. I loved her dearly and miss her so much. Last month I had to put my little Coco down. He was a shelter dog who I adopted 6 years ago. The ugliest dog in the shelter but I fell in love with him immediately. He either had a stroke or tumor and was in so much pain, I let him go. Just this last Thursday my son of 45 years committed suicide after dealing with deep depression and severe anxiety attacks. He left a wife and two daughters, 16 and 8 who are very close to me. I am grappling with the pain of losing all 3. I just don't know if there will be any happy tomorrows. My heart actually hurts as if it is really broken.

 
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Phoenix (05-22-2012)
Old 05-16-2012, 05:37 PM   #2
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Re: Will This End

I am terribly, terribly sorry for all of your losses.
In time, you will find a new "normal". In time, hopefully you will regain some joy again.
You will never forget your loved ones, and I know there is pain that comes with that, but there are also wonderful memories that time can never erase, and maybe one day that can be your focus. Please accept my condolences. Hugs to you.
blessings, Sue

 
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Old 05-28-2012, 05:56 PM   #3
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Re: Will This End

To say "I am sorry" will bring you very little if any releif. I am sorry for your loss as are all of the others who read your post.
I can't say I know what you are going through; because I don't. However, I do know about loss. At the age of 52 I have lost 2 husbands (my 2nd husband died 2 years ago); I have lost both parents and most of my Aunts and Uncles. I don't have any children and other than my little yorkie and some very good neighbors I am alone.

I know what it feels like to have a broken heart. The pain is so intense it seems to be PHYSICAL. I remember going into a store and the cashier would smile and say have a nice day. I wanted to reply; "Can't you see this huge crater that is in my chest". "Can't you see I am walking around literally split in half". Obviously, they were strangers and did not know my pain. But, the pain was so intense I felt it would be visible to anyone looking at me.

You have been through so much. And, I am indeed very sorry for your pain. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I have none. I am a Christian and during the first few months after I lost my husband I could not pray or read the Bible. Gradually, I have started to regain some of my trust in God; However, each day is difficult. There are many days that if it had not been for my little yorkie I would have stayed in bed all day.

I have a full time job which keeps me busy, but the lonliness is incredible.
I wish for you some relief and some peace.
Take Care of yourself.

 
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Old 05-29-2012, 01:26 PM   #4
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Re: Will This End

Hello redwind30,
I lost my soulmate two years ago and have joined bible studies, tried talking with friends, and even took a grief class. The class was offered by Banner Hospitals.

The one thing I learned in the class was that although I am sad and grieving the loss of my love I had never dealt with the previous losses in my life so the burden is really too much to handle. I hope that we can both grieve all of our losses successfully and turn our attention to those loved ones that still need us to be here.

I am only here because of my daughter, I know I would have killed myself on my motorcycle or car because of the pain of finally finding my soulmate and then losing her to a freak accident. I had no closure, she kissed me and then she was gone fifteen minutes later.

I am young successful, healthy, and friends comment on how lucky and fortunate I am but I don't believe it because the sorrow in my heart overwhelms my emotions and feelings.

My daughter always invites me with her and her friends because she is concerned I will become to depressed to function. I sit at home by myself, tried dating but compared every gal to my Sonia and they didn't stack up. I make it through the year pretty good until April 11th (her birthday) and Memorial Weekend(her passing). Then the breakdowns happen and I can't control my emotions. I am a big strong man and yet I still break down and cry.

I hope talking about this becomes therapeutic and allows all of us some relief and determination to move forward and make the best of every day.

 
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Pogo Pumps (05-29-2012)
Old 06-28-2012, 12:46 PM   #5
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Re: Will This End

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pogo Pumps View Post
In March I lost my mother who was 94 years. She was with me for the last 10 years and the last two months of her life she was bed bound and I helped Hospice care for her. I loved her dearly and miss her so much. Last month I had to put my little Coco down. He was a shelter dog who I adopted 6 years ago. The ugliest dog in the shelter but I fell in love with him immediately. He either had a stroke or tumor and was in so much pain, I let him go. Just this last Thursday my son of 45 years committed suicide after dealing with deep depression and severe anxiety attacks. He left a wife and two daughters, 16 and 8 who are very close to me. I am grappling with the pain of losing all 3. I just don't know if there will be any happy tomorrows. My heart actually hurts as if it is really broken.
What you need right now is some serious reassurance for the emotional losses you are feeling right now. Your comment about happy tomorrows needs to be broken down into getting in touch with your emotions in a tangible way. Maybe a nice conversation with someone you trust, possibly someone on here might help.

 
Old 06-28-2012, 12:49 PM   #6
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Re: Will This End

Redwind I think it's possible you are missing the kind of emotional reassurance you need right now in this time of transition.

 
Old 06-28-2012, 12:54 PM   #7
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Re: Will This End

Lostlove, I think your 'depression' needs to be broken down into simpler emotions therapeutically so that you can find that sense of control that you desperately need right now. What is within that hurts is a sense that you'll never replace what you had and that's a frightful situation to face. A slow walk down a path of emotional conversation could help lead you back to where you belong.

 
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