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Old 06-07-2012, 12:18 PM   #1
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How Long should I grieve?

It has been almost 3 years since the death of my husband. Some days I feel okay, others I feel like my world has come to an end and I don't want to go on. I think about my husband a lot and talk to him even though he is not here. I still carry pictures of my husband with me and keep his ashes on my dresser. I met a man and began dating him, at first he was very supportive and helped me through some of my issues but now he just tells me that I am not normal, claiming that I cant have pictures of my husband or that I shouldn't keep his ashes and that I just need to get over him.. Have I really lost my mind? How long should I grieve? Am I not normal?

 
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Old 06-07-2012, 05:56 PM   #2
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Re: How Long should I grieve?

Are you normal? according to whom?

How is the rest of your family and your other friends regarding this issue?

In reality.....dump the guy asap. He's a control freak, which already has you doubting your sanity and self-esteem.
No wonder you miss your husband even more at this point.

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Old 06-10-2012, 08:29 AM   #3
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Re: How Long should I grieve?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stillhurting View Post
It has been almost 3 years since the death of my husband. How long should I grieve? Am I not normal?
Hello stillhurting,

The truth of the matter is that no rule is set in stone as to the amount of time it will take an individual to complete the entire grieving process.

Some individuals are more sensitive than other and so forth.
He obviously made a huge impact on you and the memories still stay strong in both your mind and heart.

Might I ask you a question?: Would your husband want you to move forward with your life or would he be satisfied with the fact that his memory is hindering you somewhat?

There's nothing wrong with still feeling love for your deceased husband.
The thing is,how do you still love him and let another individual into your heart at the same time.

The answer to that is with time,an understanding mate and patience on both your parts.

Might I suggest therapy if the memories are too overwhelming for you.

With respect
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Old 06-10-2012, 09:30 PM   #4
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Re: How Long should I grieve?

Hi still hurting...first let me say sorry on your huge loss.I am grieving myself and I feel your pain as u lost 3 loved ones in January(2 to suicide)..in 2012 and I know of people..lots of people holding on to photos and ashes,clothing and more for anything up to 20 yrs.This is your grieving,your memories of him and quite frankly huni if another man is asking u to rid of these or get over them then they are very uncaring and you need to have your beautiful memories,not someone who makes u question hanging on to them.Seriously...its very normal what your doing and you do it as long as you need to as theirs no hard and fast rule with grief.
I would tell this guy that this is what you want and his ashes ARE remaining with you however long needed and if he's not liking it then sorry but this is how it is.
How awlful to put guilt on you for something as traumatic as grief..
Because my loved ones died of suicide,the stigma went with it along with my so called friends and honey you soon will realize your true friends in this time,as I did...this is your love and its your rules okay.God Bless you hun xxx

 
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Old 06-15-2012, 09:40 PM   #5
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Re: How Long should I grieve?

My dad died the day before my 24th birthday in march 2004. It was so sudden and no one knew it was coming. I dwell on his death literally everyday. I keep pictures everywhere, I talk to him, smell his shirt and hat in occasion... He was an amazing man, he had so many people attend his wake that at 1am the funeral director had to lock the door because there were still people lined up around the building to pay respects in march in Vermont in below zero weather. He was my best friend and at 43 he just woke up to let his dogs out and he sat down on the couch and fell asleep. That was it, he didn't shut the door, he didn't go get help from his wife, he just went... I am plagued by this literally daily and it hurts on every level even 8 years later. There is no end to grief there is only masking grief. When you lose one you truly love you can't forget even when you put their things away. Smells, sounds, inside jokes, sings all trigger everything everyday. Moving on is hard but it has to be done, people who surround you truly love you when they understand that it won't go away ever and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all... Day by day it gets easier only because you do your survival ways of making it easier, that's how you cope I hope you always keep his photo out because he was an amazing part if your life and you should not ever feel bad or guilty about that, it's a celebration of your past and your happiness and a feeling of love if you ever want to talk let me know, the best way to grieve is to talk

 
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Old 06-16-2012, 06:42 PM   #6
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Re: How Long should I grieve?

I lost my sister 15 years ago, I still grieve and carry a picture of her on my phone, my laptop and in my wallet and I still seek advice from her during bad times and think of her in the good times! She is never far from my memories or my heart but that is my personal preference! You still have your husbands photos on show and his ashes by your bed says you have not let him rest. It is not good to start relationships if you are still in a relationship with your late husband. The other gentleman will never take his place however, it sounds like he wants to open a whole new world for you to experience. Only you can help yourself. Relish the happy memories and get rid the "poor me syndrome"!

 
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:42 PM   #7
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Re: How Long should I grieve?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stillhurting View Post
It has been almost 3 years since the death of my husband. Some days I feel okay, others I feel like my world has come to an end and I don't want to go on. I think about my husband a lot and talk to him even though he is not here. I still carry pictures of my husband with me and keep his ashes on my dresser. I met a man and began dating him, at first he was very supportive and helped me through some of my issues but now he just tells me that I am not normal, claiming that I cant have pictures of my husband or that I shouldn't keep his ashes and that I just need to get over him.. Have I really lost my mind? How long should I grieve? Am I not normal?
I think part of what you're experiencing is being stuck in a middle ground where it might be more to do with feeling that things are terrible as opposed to just being sad, etc. This might be because of what your inner voice is telling you even though it might not be obvious. I think what you may need is someone to open up to who can help you question your strong emotions and who can help you find comfort in being okay with the fact that he is gone.

 
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:20 PM   #8
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Re: How Long should I grieve?

I don't know if its to soon to post a reply but my fiance got killed last month as a matter it was a month yesterday that he died. Was hit by Amtrak train and you are normal and sane people thought I was crazy when I carried my fiance property around in a little paper bag of his things he had on him that terrible day do people think I'm crazy I even sleep with the shirt. That they covered his body up with by the train tracks. Am I crazy or not normal? Probaley but I don't care what people think when I'm ready to wash his shirt or when I'm ready to put away his things then I will do that that is what u do when you are ready to put away his ashes then do it don't do because som one else wants you ok? I guess we can be crazy together huh?I'm taking my own advice ok?so u take care of yourself and good luck I hope everything works out ok?

 
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