I lost my dad 8 years ago very suddenly. He had heart disease and no one knew, including him. He was 43, healthy as an ox and active. Very fit and just fine... But the day before my 24th birthday he was just gone... It is very fresh and hard for you right now but you can get through it. I would fall asleep crying and wake up crying for days. The real thing that got me through was talking, but not to my family or a psychiatrist but someone who was going through what I was going through, but not with the same person. I thought about it from my dads view and knew that he would be so angry and sad at me for the way I was handling the death. He would never want me to act, feel like that. I picked myself up and decided that now was the time to do everything I wanted to do with my life because it is short. I was still sad but I was not going to be nothing because if my fad was watching me I knew it would be making him sad to see me that way and that was something I couldn't bear. I did a lot of writing in a journal that I titled "dear daddy" I still write to him all the time.
I can't say I know how you feel but I do know how it feels and though it is hard and you never forget, you will find your way... Trust me as a mom I know that I would want my kids to celebrate our time together but not to be sad about time lost because I love them and I know they love me
I pray you find your special way to grieve and I promise it gets easier... Very sorry for your loss and since I found this board I check it often so if you need to talk I am here