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Old 08-14-2012, 01:11 PM   #1
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Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

My cousin serving in the Army in Afghanistan died on a Friday, and my mom died on that following Sunday. Our family is still in shock. I don't want to go into detail about my cousin. Mom went peacefully in her sleep, or so it seemed. She was 79 and had diabetes and kidney failure - she was on dialysis for three years.

My son and I had been with her the night before and left about 9:45 pm. She was in her recliner, I had made her tea and covered her with a blanket. Her cat we had just brought home (mom was in rehab for legs prior). She was told the news about her nephew that afternoon. I think she was holding back til we were gone. We believe her heart gave out. She does some extreme crying and I just don't know what it exactly was.

My sister was called by mom's aid, because my mom wasn't answering her door. This has happened before and usually she's been in the bathroom. At least my sister wasn't alone and mom looked peaceful. We always worried that we'd find her on the floor because she often fell and hit her head a few times.

We had four straight days of services and cemetaries. So hard. I miss her soooo much. She was my best friend. I took her everywhere. Mom was saying how much she didn't like to be alone, even though she'd been alone for years. She told me just the night before that "now it's different." She didn't look any different.

Now she is with our heavenly family and is no longer alone since there is no night in heaven.
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Old 08-22-2012, 09:12 AM   #2
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

Sawbuck,

I knew I needed to come here today. And now I see it was to find you here. Please let me sit by your side awhile. I am sorry no one came sooner, but hopefully I can offer you a bit of comfort this morning.

I came here today to mark the one year anniversary of my mothers fall, which led to her death 23 days later. One year ago today we were celebrating her birthday at the beach.

Today I am here for you, as both we try to make some sense out of this. Please accept my deepest condolences. I hope you have friends and family there to help you through this darkness.

I am so very sorry for you losses. Stand strong, and please post back if you like.

janet

 
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Old 08-29-2012, 05:58 AM   #3
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

Janet, it was so good to see your message. It made me feel comforted. I don't know if people don't know what to say or if I scared them off when I said I didn't want to talk about my cousin. I DO want to talk about him. He gave his life for our country. He saved five soldiers when he lost his life. The medic was wounded and was telling Matt how to help. He was only 23 and just married for a few months. My mom's brother, Matt's dad, feels that the news of his son was too much for my mom. We tell him it was mom's time. I'm sure he knows that but the pain of losing someone in the war on terror is beyond believable.

I am so sorry about your mom. Falls are so frustrating and happened quite a bit with my mom. We were afraid that's how she would pass. She was stable enough to be alone, but sometimes she just moved before she thought.

I'll write more later. I'm at work and don't want to cry.
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Last edited by sawbuck44; 08-29-2012 at 06:01 AM.

 
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Old 08-29-2012, 10:24 AM   #4
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

sawbuck,

You are very welcome. Right now I am at a loss for the right words. I am still breaking down at the drop of a hat, and I cannot afford to get off to a start like this today. I will come back a bit later, I have a repairman coming over real soon and I am on the verge of tears right now...

Yesterday I had a tough day, and I am trying to be stronger today. I would love to hear more about your mother and your cousin. Losing family in any way is just heartbreaking, but the loss of such a young man at 23 is just the worst. I commend him for his actions, and am so sorry you had to loose him this way.

I was raised in a military family, my dad was a veteran of 3 wars himself. We hold our young men and women serving in the face of danger in the highest of regard.

I look forward to hearing more from you, if you can. Take good care of yourself, as this is such a fragile and poignant time for you. Do you have a good support system to help you through the coming weeks and months?

With respect and concern,
Janet

 
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Old 08-29-2012, 12:35 PM   #5
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

Oh yes, a strong support system. I hope you have one as well. I agree that we have to watch carefully what we read, hear, do, so that we can continue on. I listen to talk shows on my car radio. I don't listen to the radio anywhere else (unless something is going on in the world and then I listen at work). Whenever anyone rides with me they change the station and ask "why do you listen to that?" and I have to tell them, because most music makes me think too hard and I end up crying.
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Old 08-29-2012, 12:36 PM   #6
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

And I thank your family for their service to the country as well.
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Old 08-29-2012, 05:28 PM   #7
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

Thank you.

I sure know what you are saying about all the things that bring the emotions up. I have found I fall apart the most when I am in the shower, where no one is looking. Time does help, but it will never go away. I used to call my parents every day, although they were just blocks away. Yesterday their home, and my childhood home went on the market. I had to drive by to see the sign and pick up the real estate flyer. Seeing our address and a picture of our house on it really hit home for me. I woke up with big swollen eyes so I must have been crying in my sleep.

I know it is better to let it out than hold it in though, and everyone has to understand that. No one is that strong, it is proof of being human and having true love in your heart to mourn those you love.

I feel a bit better today, just fragile, like I might break with the slightest disturbance. But I wont really break, I am not that fragile, and I am going to lead my family out of this.

And this is not about me, but about you. I just hope sharing my feelings will help you with yours.

Wishing you the very best...Janet

 
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Old 09-30-2012, 03:17 PM   #8
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

I didn't want to read and not reply. I am so sorry for your losses. I wish you as much peace as is possible at this time.
love,
C

 
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Old 10-25-2012, 05:57 AM   #9
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Re: Cousin KIA on Friday, Mom on Sunday :(

I guess i thought I'd get more support God my cousin lost his life fighting for our freedom from terrorists. I will go find it somewhere. I should be trying to figure out how to help my son who is same age as his cousin and grew up with him. He lost him, his grandmother, and his girlfriend in same week *** while living over 4hours away from everyone. His gf dumped him can you believe that? She saw how devastated he was and still couldn't be there for him. He told me last night that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to worry me more. Cousin's death sudden and violent, my mom's suddenly and hopefully peaceful, I would have wanted to comfort my son while he was here for the funerals.
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