For my brother Shawn,that was laid to rest on 8/19 1990 and whose birth date is today.
Shawn,
I was going to make this long,as today,in 1970 you were born.
It was then that I thought to myself,some things are better left kept between brothers;things that will remain between us,until it's my time to meet my maker.
I miss you;more than you'll ever know.
There's something different about today,as we've been separated from each other for 22 calendars.
For the past 7 years, it's been extremely difficult;dealing with your death.
Every year has been met with feelings that intertwine with my current issues,which further complicates things.
At this point in time,i've got survivor's guilt,which I can't seem to get rid of.
Time and again,I think to myself,"if I did something different;anything and you'd probably be alive now."
I only have your varsity letter,a denim jacket that I designed via acrylic paint and a few photographs....
These are the physical items.
It's my memory of you,that keeps you near and dear in my heart.
I can recall a time that we(you,me and Dad) went fishing and I got sea sick but not you....you were there,with fishing rod in hand,catching fish like you made a deal with Poseidon himself.
I never told you how proud I was that day,seeing my younger brother handling the rough seas like a champion.
My therapist stated that the guilt has become overbearing for me.
I see and hear others complaining about their siblings and I just feel that much worse.At least they have a brother or sister to be angry with and complain about.
Here I am;envisioning telling you about my accident so many times,that you would either hang up on me,if we were on the phone or simply state:"get away from me with that noise,"which would probably get me more upset but force me to take a look at myself.
I'm going to shorten this,for I see myself potentially going on for eons.
I sure do miss you and i'm sorry for not being as supportive as I could've been.I was supposed to protect you and I failed miserably.
Please forgive me,for I am having a difficult time doing so.
With love,
Your Brother
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This was necessary for me to do,for so many reasons.
Life is short and I wasn't afforded the time to be a better brother.
Please don't let this happen to you.
If you have the opportunity to let a loved one know that they indeed are loved,take it now;before it's too late and you end up apologizing to a headstone.
