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Old 09-03-2012, 02:58 PM   #1
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Location: HampshireSouthampton United Kingdom
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bradeag HB User
Question no time to grieve is making me anxious

Hi im a newbie, i hope sharing this will help as i am very scared. Ive had a lot of stress since 2007. I had a hysterectomy in 2007 for endometrial cancer which fortunately hadnt gone outside the womb lining i didnt need any chemo/radiotherapy. In 2010 i was recalled after a mammogram and was told i have low grade non hodgkin lymphoma im on watch and wait, in fact i had an appointment today and everything is fine ive gone from going every 3 months to every 6 months. Just after my diagnosis my dad died of a massive cerebral haemorrhage. Ive been busy helping mum sort paperwork out, she lives 120 miles away and is elderly and frail, i go down when i can for a week to do jobs for her, she has been hospitalised twice with gallstones but seems ok now, while that was going on we lost a pet bird. Ive not had chance to grieve as such ive just been getting on with it, now i think its catching up with me a bit. Every so often i find my breathing is a bit off its as though i have to sigh to breathe every so often and im terrified there's something wrong, im trying to deal with this myself. 0ur son is on a working holiday in australia its his dream of a lifetime, im scared in case something is going to happen to me and he'll have to come back and how my mum would cope if anything happens to me. When im reasonably calm its ok and i can go a few weeks and it settles down, then the fear returns. Im scared to share this with my friends as i dont want to drive them away. I feel trapped in fear and panic. I am keeping busy and have hobbies, sometimes i plunge into depression for a while then it passes. Ive had a lot of stress and grief and havent had chance to deal with it, its gone inwards. I hope someone can help. Thank you for reading this

 
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Old 09-09-2012, 12:05 PM   #2
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Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

Hi, id really appreciate some feedback if anyone has or has had similar feelings

 
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Old 09-11-2012, 06:56 AM   #3
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bradeag HB User
Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

Hello is anyone there

 
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:12 AM   #4
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mrsmojorisin914 HB User
Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

I've never experienced your exact feelings but I just wanted to say I've had severe anxiety so I do know slightly how you feel, and I am so sorry you feel this way. Sounds like you had to take on quite a lot for a person and I commend you for being so strong. I lost someone dear to me 7 months ago and I find it to be difficult to breathe and not freak out sometimes multiple times a day so you are doing much better than I am. I am trying to cope myself so I don't have much advice but I do hope it gets better for you and that your health stays stable. Best of luck to you.

 
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:37 AM   #5
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Unhappy Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

Hi there thank you so much for your helpful reply, i had major panic over night last night but somehow i made myself calm down, i didnt get a lot of sleep so feel pretty shattered so am taking it easy. If i could have a good bawl to wash everything out it'd help, my eyes do fill but then my throat constricts and that as far as it gets. I know it will eventually get better, i need to keep strong as my brother is facing major surgery next month and i need to be there for mum as my brother is worrying about her and thats before he goes into hospital.

 
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:12 PM   #6
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angelwish HB User
Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

Listen, sweetie, from what I just read, my heart goes out to you. You have been through too much, it seems. You simply MUST make time to grieve or - not being a professional therapist, myself - just having read lots about it.
I would get me a journal and just write out everything you are feeling & don't judge any of it. If you feel it, it is valid. Let it come OUT & don't try to be tough just yet.

Find a quiet corner for yourself & just allow yourself to feel the pain. This will not kill you, but will help to heal you. Tears really heal us.

What messes us up is trying to be tough & not validating the pain you are supposed to feel when someone dies. That may turn you into an angry bitter person who flies off the handle at the least provocation.

Write, talk, hugs, pleasant music, walk in nature, are all things I can vouch for. What not to do is self-medicate i.e. drugs, alcohol, start an affair/casual sex/gambling/excess TV make a major life- change/decision. Our decision-making is impaired, right now. Take it easy.

 
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:16 PM   #7
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bradeag HB User
Wink Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

Hi Angelwish thank you so much, ive been through hell with anxiety panic you name it, ive had loads of terminal illnesses in my mind, i have low grade non hodgkin lymphoma but im on watch and wait and all was well in september i go again next march. Im hoping friday week to be discharged re my check ups after my hysterectomy for endometrial cancer in 2007 my five years will be up in a couple of weeks. Such was my panic and mental and physical exhaustion i went to my gp monday he was brill he's put me on 20mg citalopram and i go and see him again at the end of november, it was good to go and talk to the doctor it did help x

 
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Old 10-20-2012, 09:08 PM   #8
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angelwish HB User
Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

bradaeg,

I am so glad you are getting the care you need. Honestly I don't know how you are dealing with all of this. I have been hearing/reading lots about our emotions and health. That emotions/stress play into the disease process by making our systems too acidic.

This is why I hope throughout all of this you will make time to process your grief. I have learned that it needs to be processed or it just sublimates into other areas, like maybe our health & wellness potential, or maybe other relationships.

Did you ever hear of bio feedback? I wonder if this might help your panic attacks.

 
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Old 10-21-2012, 02:32 AM   #9
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bradeag HB User
Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

Hi Angelwish thank you, no i havent heard about bio feedback. My doctor says he'll try medication first then maybe counselling. I have managed to pinpoint my exact fear. I think im in a vicious cycle at present im a very positive person but over the last few months everything is making me anxious and im "what if" with everything i get anxious over every twinge which worries me which makes everything worse. Tomorrow (monday) i will have been on my tablets for a week citalopram or i believe in the US they call it celexa im on 1 20mg tablet each morning, i was told i may feel worse before the tablets start to work, its early days yet. Ive had to take my jeans in a bit as ive lost some weight, that makes me anxious which probably isnt helping, perhaps my dad passing made me think about my own mortality. Im sure it'll all work out in the end. Im keeping busy

 
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Old 10-21-2012, 02:49 AM   #10
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flyingabove HB User
Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

hello, I had to sign up to let you know you are not alone.

Earlier this year, February, my dad got taken from us in a motorbike accident. It was sudden and very shocking to my mum and me and I have been here looking after my mum, the house, paperwork, financial affairs, a hip operation for mum, a courtcase from my previous job, and just not being able to find the time to have a cry for my dad!

The other day I had a mate drop over (3 hour drive from his house) unexpectedly, and we ended up getting into a punch on a bit later on as I don't like people just showing up in this hard time. We sorted it out, but it made me realise I havn't grieved properly and it has significant detrimental effects.

One good way to deal with it I think is looking at photos. so that is my goal for the week, to set up a good photo album of my dad over the years, all I have to do is look at a photo of him and it brings a tear to my eyes but do you think I can find the time to look at them?!?!? even when I do have time I usually just go have a sleep or sidetrack myself with some other task or hobby.

All I can say is that you aren't alone, and if you have other loved ones alive then it is important to remember that your health is important to their happiness for many years ahead.

I'd give the photos a shot if you can, at least its something you can take with you when you get a spare 5 mins just have a look and try cry.

Thoughts are with you.

Mr B.

 
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:18 AM   #11
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bradeag HB User
Re: no time to grieve is making me anxious

Hi flying above, thank you for your kind post, im sorry to hear about your dad, i have some photos of my dad thankfully and i look at them so i can keep his memory alive.

 
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