I am very new to this site, or any message board. Depression runs in my family, I have an aunt, a grandfather, and a great grandfather who have died by their own hand. My dad asphyxiated himself last year in his garage. I haven't been the same since. I was 'diagnosed' at 7 by my mom, who has borderline personality disorder, and she started giving me her meds. I think she has munchhausen's by proxy now, but I was a kid at the time so I took them. I took them until I was 17, even though the dosages kept increasing (my mom's doctor thought she wasn't being medicated enough, since she wasn't taking them, so he kept upping her dosage so she kept giving me more and more). I read in a magazine when I was 17 that giving them before adult hood could have the opposite effect. I was comatose, I don't remember whole years and I cut and had an eating disorder, just because it made me feel something. I assumed it was because of the drugs, so I quit cold turkey. I went through awful withdrawal and just started meds again last year. I still feel the black dog days, and want to die most of the time. I am so sad, and lonely, and....empty I guess. Like there is a black hole in me. I really don't know why I am telling the void that is the internet all this. Just needed to bleed out the poison I guess. Today is the day my daddy took his own life. I am sad and tired.
Last edited by Administrator; 09-18-2012 at 02:24 AM.