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Old 09-19-2012, 02:35 AM   #1
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Loss of both parents, began one year ago today

While the majority of my posts have been in support of those of us who have shared multiple strokes, tonight I want to post about another huge event in my life...the loss of both my parents. Although I did not know it at the time, on this day one year ago, I was about to loose my beautiful mother, only one day later. And, even more unexpectedly, exactly 30 days later, we lost my dad too. The ultimate love story, for without her he chose not to live another day.

And, on this day, 364 days later, I am anticipating the day of reckoning, the removal of the entire contents of my childhood home that is planned for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday next week.

I have not been inside but once or twice, as it sits quietly waiting for me to do the work. Only the dust has gathered, nothing else has changed. The last day here was spent joined with family and friends, saying goodbye at their double funeral.

I will use everything I know to choose my path carefully and choose my mood as well. I want this experience to be joyful, as my mother would have it. I want it to be organized, calm and done, as my dad would have it. I will not be afforded the time I would like to sort and remissness..that will have to be done later. I want them to be proud of me.

Is it odd that this first anniversary of their death will be spent this way, or is it a perfectly fitting tribute to them, and their lifetime of love, family and friends?

Unfortunately, their deaths left another fracture in our family of once four, now one, as my "sister" also decided to check out before the funeral, without a word to me except "through counsel". My big sister chose not to be big for this one, and has had nothing to do with any of it...including the hard work of managing our pasts into our futures. She wanted nothing from our family home, not even the ashes I had put into the special urn for her. She left it behind at the cemetery, and now I have one last try to get it to her before we go our separate ways, one final time.

Once this step is behind me, I will be free, as it has hung over my head for every day of this year while I have waited so patiently for the signatures, the agreements, the additions, subtractions, and a baby to be born! With all these things done, the day nears.

While the professionals in this line of work (packers and movers) try and comfort me as to the possibility of this feat, I have my doubts. To all the sons and daughter out there who have stepped up to the plate and cleared their parents home out just in time for the new family to take ownership...I salute you. And I will salute myself too, if I make it through next weekend!

Thanks for listening, feels good to let it out.

Janet

 
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Old 09-19-2012, 06:13 AM   #2
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Re: Loss of both parents, began one year ago today

Hi, you will make it through next weekend and I think it is a very fitting tribute. I also think that it will draw a line under your loss, it is time to move on and while we never forget the people we love life goes on and it is time to move to the next stage.a

I am saying this with two parents who are terminally ill and this time next year will probably be in the position you are now and I hope I can deal with it with the same dignity and thought you are displaying.

The very best of luck,
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:05 AM   #3
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Re: Loss of both parents, began one year ago today

Agenda,

Thank you very much for your kind and supportive words. Please allow me to express my sincere feelings of sorrow for your position as well.

I have asked myself if it would have been better to have had some warning, but I did not get any. One minute they were both here, and the next they were gone. Quite opposite of your situation for sure. It must be so rough for you, knowing the outcome ahead of time. I hope you have been able to have those conversations I feel like I missed. I hope you have been able to show your love and devotion by now. I do feel like they know though, even if it is after death when much of it has happened.

You are so right about this being a perfect time to turn that page, and move on. I have waited so long for this, and finally it is here.

Again thank you for your kind response, and I wish the very best for you too.

Janet

 
Old 09-30-2012, 05:35 AM   #4
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Re: Loss of both parents, began one year ago today

You have an enormous load on your shoulders, but you are handling it with grace. You have dealt with a lot, I can't imagine, and I admire your mindset.
Gentle hugs to you.
C

 
Old 10-01-2012, 10:55 PM   #5
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Re: Loss of both parents, began one year ago today

Thanks so very much...I have spent the last week moving my parents beautiful furnishings and belongings from their home finally. It took a year to finalize all the necessary work to prepare it for sale, and finally clear it of all the items that had made it home for the last 40 years. I am thankful the time has passed before having to move the items, as the emotional toll seemed to be less than before. It is such a relief to have it behind me now, that I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life with my little family. In the meantime, the house did sell, and now it is time for a new family to enjoy the wonderful home and neighborhood I was raised in. No matter how difficult each phase of grief is, getting through them is essential. There is no skipping, in my opinion. Getting through the most difficult parts provides such peace of mind when you are on the other side. Blessing and thanks to all...

 
Old 10-02-2012, 03:30 AM   #6
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Re: Loss of both parents, began one year ago today

Aww, big hugs. I'm glad that part is behind you and you are feeling ready to move on.
I dread each phase of this grief thing. I think I kind of haven't really dealt with it since my Dad died and it is starting to crack me. I am 41 and this is the first REAL experience --so close to my heart experience--that I have had with death. I'm not really doing well at at,LOL. I see it as the beginning of a bad time, because my grandparents are in their 90's. I keep bracing myself. Oh well, must get kids up for school. I hope you have a wonderful day.
C

 
Old 10-04-2012, 07:18 AM   #7
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Re: Loss of both parents, began one year ago today

Losing both parents within a month is a hard burden to carry. Please know that your sister is probably not coping as well as some. She may be stuck in anger and confusion, or - not knowing the details, may be just traumatized. My sis & I did not speak for two years (the will objections) after my mom's death, but recently she came around after nearly dying herself.

My sis-in-law is taking on a similiar role: lashing out at everyone, as if we killed her brother. People in this mindset need to be handled in the way you appear to be demonstrating. Some people are like rocks and some are like waterfalls, in their emotional life. Just remind yourself that her behavior is about her; not you. In time I think/hope she may come around. And when that happens, it is such a feeling of grace.Many blessings.

 
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