Re: i lost my mum suddenly
I am so sorry for what you are going through. That sounds so difficult. I also can't imagine everything, but perhaps parts. Life really does not make sense sometimes and is totally unfair. I agree with what Slenderella said. Please look to find out if there is a grief group in your area that you could find support at, I think that it may be really comforting to know that other people also go through loss and feel similar things. Also sometimes there are help lines where you could call for free and just talk to someone. I think that the key right now is that you feel alone and hopefully you can find some way to feel less alone so that you can allow yourself to grieve and feel safe. I am sorry that your boyfriend does not seem to understand and it is really unfortunate that he is getting into arguments with you so often when you are dealing with so much on your own. I am glad that you are trying to reach out still. Your mother sounded very special, I am really sorry that this happened to you and her as well.
I hope story this doesn't make your pain worse. It sounds like you have been a bit traumatized, I hope this story may make you feel less alone in some small way. Last November a relatively young horse that had even won individual gold in showjumping at the Bejing Olympics died of an aortic aneurism at the end of a jumping round during competition in France in November. You can look up the story - his name was Hickstead. His rider's story is also interesting as he came from a poor area, worked his way up and was actually banned from competitions for a while as he had some addictions that he eventually dealt with and was able to return to competition. Hickstead's sudden passing was so shocking to his rider Eric, his team, all of the spectators, the competitors, and most of the equestrian community and many Canadians. Hickstead was regularly checked by top veterinarians regarding his health & fitness to compete at that level, they have said that there was never any indication that he was unwell, and there are sadly rarely any warning signs of aortic disease.
I happened to be at a Canadian competition a few days later as a spectator, and Hickstead's rider Eric was enrolled to compete on a different horse. It was not known if he would be emotionally able to compete, but he did. When he rode into the ring the whole audience stood up and gave him a standing ovation. It was so emotional, I felt kind-of awkward because I thought it must have been hard and a reminder of what had happened and I did not want us to make his pain worse, but I think that showing support was very important and I hoped that we made him feel like he was not completely alone in his pain. I like to think that you deserve just as much or even more of a standing ovation as Eric received, as a mother is so very special and I can safely say, so much more special than a horse.
I am sorry your life has changed so much in the past 2 months and I know everything must feel so out of control and surreal. I really hope that you are able to heal at least a bit from this traumatic incident, and I am confident that you can get to a better place. My boyfriend lost both of his parents suddenly right when he graduated from university a year ago and I understand that losing a parent at a time when you feel like you are also undergoing a huge personal transition can really be overwhelming, and it can make it so easy to get stuck into unpleasant situations, and unsure where to go from here. We had some rough patches right in the time around 2 months to 4 months after, but then we had a really good talk. We also did a couples counselling for post traumatic stress disorder, and it really helped a lot to have us both understand each other. I think that if you feel like your bf is not helping you - I would suggest that you have a serious conversation with him sooner rather than later as you really have to do what is best for you.
Having been through the loss of my bf's parents I know how much it can really disrupt your life, his life became pretty unrecognizable for a while and he still feels like he does not have a home to go back to. I understand how it can feel like you not only lost a super special person but you also lost a whole lot of yourself and your own future that you thought you would be able to have.
Are you still in University? If so there are usually free counseling options available - please do not hesitate to set up an appointment and remember that you can use that time to talk about anything you want. Counselors are paid just to listen, and it sounds like you really just need someone to listen to anything at all that you want to say and validate your feelings and thoughts. You will get through this and you are still the same great person. This next year will not be easy in any way and it may not go as fast as you would like, but people will want to help along the way, and try not to be afraid to ask for help - you are worth it.
I am sorry for my long post. I really hope that you are doing okay, and that you know that people do care, even if we are faceless people over the internet. I am sending a mental hug and thoughts your way tonight.
Last edited by zip452; 10-02-2012 at 06:06 PM.