About 4 years ago my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, and after chemo, radiotherapy, surgery etc etc she was given the all clear. Unfortunately this April she told us she had been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her liver and had a very large tumor in her liver, hence why she was so swollen up. I had seen her in discomfort, gradually swelling, getting jaundiced and generally not being herself...She was the kind of Mum who didnt want to be a burden or worry us all, so she kept it to herself until she couldnt hide it any longer. We assume she had been feeling ill again for at least a year, and hadnt said anything. After driving her to the hospital numerous times, tests, overnight stays etc I took her back to the hospital at the end of April, and by the 5th of May she has passed away at the young age of 55. Also in February this year my Grandad (on my Dads side) died so its been a very tough year (roll on 2013!!)
Mum deteriorated very very quickly, and once she was in her own private room in the hospital I knew she wasnt going home. They were trying to arrange a hospital bed to be sent to her flat, but I knew deep down that they were going to be too late...
I have been to the doctors today to be referred for bereavement councilling, in the hopes that it will help me get myself back. Everythings just been covered in a big black cloud (the only way I can describe it), I still keep seeing in my head the image of her, how she was before she died, seeing everyone else seeming to get on, and I find day to day life generally quite pointless and meanial. I still feel like I need to call her to tell her things, then when I realise I cant it gets me again...
Anywayyy...thats my story (in a roundabout way) Thank you for listening/reading.
The following 3 users give hugs of support to: GlitteryPunk
angelwish (10-04-2012),NSANMOM24 (10-03-2012),zip452 (10-04-2012)
My belief is whether on this side of Eternity or not, a mom wants her child to be happy and get the most out of life. Honor your mom's life, and change your perspective. Of course you have every right and reason to feel so sad and lost....there is nothing like a mom's love....but I am sure that she is with you in spirit, wishing you wonderful things.
I think that grief counseling is a wonderful idea. Your mom would be proud of you for getting the extra help you need. Start also to acknowledge women around you who can be of support. Of course, no one will replace your mother, but having other women to love you will definitely help.
Thank you for your message Unfortunately most of the people in my life are male (except work collegues) I only know one female (that lives near by), and that is my other halfs sister, and we're not that close... My partners Mum died of breast cancer about 7 years ago, so he is a very wise man and tries to help me alot, I just seem to find I can get easily aggitated and dont want that to impact on our relationship...hopefully the councilling will help Thank you again for your reply x
Oh, my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I am not much comfort, as I sit here in tears myself trying to get through my Dad's death 4 months ago, but wanted to offer a huge hug. I admire you for getting counseling. I'm too broke and scared to do it.
Lots of love,
I was saddened by your post. I'm so sorry to hear that your mom passed away. There is nothing like a mother's love and it is only natural that you are feeling like everything is a dark cloud. But you know, even the deepest wounds do heal with time when given proper care....likewise, I hope you too find in your heart the strength to move on. It is true that you may feel that life would never be the same without her. I wouldn't deny that for a second. Don't push yourself....just let your feelings have their time. I hope you find a way to ease your pain in your own heart. For what it is worth, I grew up with my grandmother and we lived in the same room until I was studying very late waking her up when I left to a different place. She died of cancer and her journey was a rough one. I loved her so much and I was in denial that she was gone. It struck me one day and I cried my heart out. Still as I write this I come to tears of her memory and how kind she was to me and remembering how she brought me up. I still wake up at night and find myself calling her before realizing that she is gone. It has been 5 years since her passing and still, if these memories are so fresh, I can only imagine what you must be feeling with your mom. Please take care of yourself and do try to seek some comfort in the fact that you could look after her in her hour of need. Take Care and keep writing.
I am so sorry you lost your mom so YOUNG. That is awful. It took me two years to start feeling okay after mine died. Please know that it takes time to grieve. Please give yourself time to feel the pain - in safe places; I found that suppressing it overmuch caused me to demonstrate other less kindly reactions: anger to innocents & such. It's okay to feel anger, too, as long as you don't break anyone or thing (or relationship) - my therapist told me to use that for punching pillows, walking & or vigorous house work, when having nobody around to listen/ put up with it.
Just take one day at a time, one small action toward healing, one step and day at a time - and little by little, you will gradually begin to feel better.