I am 51 year old daddy's girl and my dad died June 4th of this year just 4 days after his 80th birthday. His death was not unexpected...he had been lying there for about a week and we knew he was going. He died with us at home. My mom, brother, myself and daddy, we were very close growing up. We did everything together...my dad was also my band director.
I cry more now than the first few months. I am a Christian and I know he is in Heaven and that we will see each other again...but I don't know if it is because i have no control over the fact that I just cannot pop over and have a chat with him anymore or if this is normal. I really miss my daddy!
I have spoken to others whose parents have passed away long ago or recently and they all say it is a pain that will continue till the day I die. I also dread when it's my mom's time. I just don't see me being able to handle that at all.
I will be sitting around and something will remind me of him or i will be sitting around thinking about him and wishing he was here and just begin to ball.
I sit at my desk at work with tears in my eyes. At home, I can't even practice the piano as much because he too was a pianist and everything i do music wise or even listening to music makes me cry.
I have a hard time visiting my mom because the house, daddy built the house, planted the trees...everything reminds me of him. My perspective on life and living has changed drastically.
i have read some other's posts, hoping that a release in the pain will come to no avail. Maybe I just want to share, i really don't know.
I'm sorry for your loss. You are so blessed to know that you will see your family again, one day. Maybe the best thing for you to do is to ask yourself how your Dad would want you to go on, without him. Maybe your music is actually a tribute to him, and certainly visiting your Mom would be something he would wholeheartedly want you to do.
The pain of the loss is something you will never forget, but I encourage you to focus on the good memories you have, and the Divine Plan that God has, for us all. Hugs to you!
The Following User Says Thank You to slenderella For This Useful Post: grommie (11-20-2012)
Thanks for the kind words. I have sympathy cards that friends sent that I read a lot, one in particular that says basically what you just wrote. I didn't really know how important friends were until the day of the funeral.
I never went to funerals of friends, I thought my presence would just be getting in the way of their grieving...man, it really does help when those who knew him pays their respects. I even had a friend show up that didn't know him at all, we had met through work and when I think back on that time there is a warmth.
I just want to say I'm sorry to hear about your dad, it's early days yet and things will get better.
I'm also a christian and will pray for you.
I lost my dad many years ago before his time (Cancer) and I still miss him. As time goes on your thoughts do change and one of mine is related to my Dad's love of gardening. Flowers or vegetables which are around us all the time, I see my Dad's and now my enjoyment of growing and nurturing these things and even though he is gone I feel a loving connection with him everyday in my garden.
The bible tells us "One is nearer Gods heart in the Garden than any place else on earth".
I also feel near to my Dad in this situation.
Give yourself time and I just know that the love of music you shared will become a joy to you and will keep his memory dear to you.
Loving Wishes to you,