lost a friend to suicide.
months have passed, still it stays with me. a good friend of mine committed suicide after a long drug bender. i had cut him out of my life because i was quitting drugs, and he wasn't. since he was my dealer as well as my friend, i couldn't be around him, because wherever he was, substances were always close by.
i still loved him like crazy, and often missed him. we all knew he was suffering but were shocked when he left us. i just keep having thoughts like i could have been there for him more, somehow been able to prevent what happened. i missed out on his life, because of how destructive our drug habits were.
i wish he could have seen recovery is possible, and i'm proof of it. he had so much potential and was so loved and cherished by so many people. i have so much guilt, but a friend told me he referred to me as "an angel" and never held any resentment towards me for my departure from his life.
it just sucks. i miss him like hell.