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Old 12-18-2012, 11:27 PM   #1
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lost a friend to suicide.

months have passed, still it stays with me. a good friend of mine committed suicide after a long drug bender. i had cut him out of my life because i was quitting drugs, and he wasn't. since he was my dealer as well as my friend, i couldn't be around him, because wherever he was, substances were always close by.

i still loved him like crazy, and often missed him. we all knew he was suffering but were shocked when he left us. i just keep having thoughts like i could have been there for him more, somehow been able to prevent what happened. i missed out on his life, because of how destructive our drug habits were.

i wish he could have seen recovery is possible, and i'm proof of it. he had so much potential and was so loved and cherished by so many people. i have so much guilt, but a friend told me he referred to me as "an angel" and never held any resentment towards me for my departure from his life.

it just sucks. i miss him like hell.

 
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Old 12-22-2012, 02:24 PM   #2
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Re: lost a friend to suicide.

Hello soapandstars and welcome.

I'm sorry that his passing has affected you so.
It saddens me when a person is addicted and reaches deeper depths when they take their own life as either a direct or indirect result of their inner turmoil.
Please realize that you couldn't be there for both him and yourself at the same time.If you went that route,the possibility of both of you being worse off arises.

Addiction cares nothing about those it affects but still parades in sheep's clothing,as a means of masquerading its' true intentions;making sure you are worse off than you began.

It doesn't respect death,for it just moves from one person to the next,like a mosquito when hungry.

His referring to you as an angel will eventually bring you comfort.This meant that he saw something in you he didn't in himself.
Please continue to prove that he wasn't mistaken.

With Respect in Grieving Times
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 12-23-2012 at 12:46 AM.

 
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Old 12-22-2012, 07:03 PM   #3
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Re: lost a friend to suicide.

thank you for your caring words. though he was and still is very important to me i know i had to put my recovery first. being off drugs is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and i know he was glad for me. the best thing i can do is honor his memory by continuing not to use.

 
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:39 PM   #4
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Re: lost a friend to suicide.

Quote:
Originally Posted by soapandstars View Post
thank you for your caring words. though he was and still is very important to me i know i had to put my recovery first. being off drugs is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and i know he was glad for me. the best thing i can do is honor his memory by continuing not to use.

I read your post the other day,but this really got my heart.I lost my best friend when I was 18.She needed love so much.well,she was with my x husband afterwards when she knew she hurt me she oded on my meds.
What hurts all these years is she never knew I forgave her.I really knew her insides she didn't know I was just like her. i'm 59 in 2 days i think of her always.

reading this quote.you can be everything now.He would be proud to have a friend like you.you are a special person. you helped me today
thank you
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:59 PM   #5
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Re: lost a friend to suicide.

i am glad what i said touched you. i'm sorry you've had to go through similar experiences. it is so hard.

<3

 
Old 12-24-2012, 07:26 PM   #6
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Re: lost a friend to suicide.

Suicide is so horrible for those left behind. I lost my brother 6 years ago to this and there is not a day that goes by that I don' t think of him. Woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts are always there. He served three tours of duty.

 
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