My dad passed away, and my heart is hurting so much
My dad passed away last week from several different diseases. He had a brain tumour and leukaemia. We all knew he was sick, but we never knew it was this severe. It was the day he passed away that i went to see him and he was in a coma. I had never seen him like this before.
It kills me to know he had so much hope to get better and to go away on a trip with me. We had planned to leave end of january and I had never seen him so excited. I was never that close to my dad, but he meant the world to me so I always made an effort to call him (parents are divorced) and to see him.
I'm only 16 and my brother is 18. He was suffering so much the past few days that it makes me feel better to know he doesn't have to suffer anymore but I wish he didn't have to ever suffer, I wish he was never sick.
Anyway, I just miss him so much, I keep remembering our days together and how much he made me laugh. I miss his smell and his voice. I just can't picture my life without him. I want to go away with him like we were suppose to, I want to spend the new year with him and be grateful for the dad I have. But ill never be able to do those things, and it also kills me to know he won't be there to see my brother and I get married, meet his grandchildren and watch me graduate. I want to see him again, I want to hold him, I want to do all the thing we use to do.
The pain is killing me inside out and I don't know what to do. Everything I do reminds me of him, why did this have to happen, he didn't deserve to die. He was so young too, only 54. He was there one minute and the next he's gone...
Everyone has been telling me the pain will go away, but never full away. I don't want that, because i know that everyday that passes is another day since the last time i've seen him.
Why is it bad things happen to good people, I've never done anything to deserve this. And even though my dad has never always been there for me and my brother, he tried so hard to be the best he could ever be, and I just always thought he would be here longer.
I try not to think about it during the day, but at night I just reminisce and I keep remembering how I'll never be able to see him again.
What am I suppose to do, I miss him so much, and I never told him. I want to be able to tell him.