Oh Eric, I am sooo sorry for the pain you are going through now.
I lost my mother too just 9 months after losing my little brother.
It was 3 years ago and still I miss her so very much.
PLEASE do not have regrets, when we are young we have differences with our parents, your mum probably had the same problems with her mum when growing up of not listening, of arguing, of not doing things to help out.....that is part of every loving relationship.
It doesn't mean that you didn't love her enough, it was all part of your growing up.
3 months is such a short time and you still are grieving such a GREAT loss in your life. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to go through the steps of grieving. You will be angry, depressed and have regrets wishing you could change places and that is all perfectly normal.
Eventually you will come to accept this great loss and find a way to get through it.
I am sure that you have many happy, good memories with your mom to help you through the difficult moments.
The best thing we can do for our loved ones is to live a good and happy life for by doing so we are honoring them.
So it's okay to feel sad and upset and even have some regrets but don't let them take you away from doing what your mum would like you to be doing with your life.
The GREATEST thing you can do is continue to use all that she taught you in life and become the GREAT person she wants you to be.
I don't know what your beliefs are but if you open your heart you will be able to feel your mum's presence near you.....a mum's love reaches through all distance and time and I am certain that your mum, like mine, will show you in her own special way that she still is very much near you and always will be.
I know that Mother's Day approaches and that is the hardest day for me, for on that day I see and can't help but envy all those who still have their mums here to love and honor on that day.
This will be my 3rd Mother's Day without my mom and I celebrate it by doing something that she enjoyed doing and remembering all the wonderful, happy times we had together and how much she loved me.
I hope some of what I shared helps comfort you during this difficult time.....your mum sounds like a very special, strong, loving woman and I KNOW how much you must miss her.
So be gentle with yourself, the first year is the hardest and with time it does get easier although you will always miss your mum and wish you had one more day with her just as I do to share and make another wonderful memory.
(((((HUGS)))))) from me to you ~ Ivory