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Old 07-19-2013, 12:21 AM   #1
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how to cope

Its been 3 weeks since my husband passed. Its so hard to pick up the pieces. During the day I keep busy and do my normal day to day stuff, and its easy to not think not feel...but at night it gets sooo hard,I don't want to sleep and when I do its broken sleep. Family/friends call and check on me and always ask how I'm doing and I tell them I'm fine or that its a sad day,but I know they understand but they don't understand if that makes sense. I'm told time will help and all the other tired sayings they just don't help now. How does others cope with a sudden loss of a loved one?

 
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Old 07-19-2013, 08:18 AM   #2
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Re: how to cope

First I want to say I'm very sorry for your loss. I can offer suggestions, they may or may not help. I understand, but I don't, like you say of your friends. When my dad passed away, it wasn't sudden, it was after a long illness, so it's not really the same, and it wasn't a spouse, but one of the things that helped me was to sit down and write a list of memories of my dad. As I started writing and thinking, more things came to mind, things that I had forgotten about. I wanted to write them down so I wouldn't forget and that resulted in more memories. It was comforting to me to remember these good memories. They were little things like when he used to cheer me on thru my ice skating lessons telling me to "shoot the duck", and when he taught me to ride my bike without training wheels, and when we used to go bowling on sundays, where he taught me to score and we would get a pecan roll afterwards. Playing marbles....
I hope this helps......I'm sorry again

 
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Old 07-19-2013, 10:08 AM   #3
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Re: how to cope

Thank you Rosequatz, I'm just haveing moments of not being able to deal. Little things are like a kick to the stomache. Yesterday was granddaughters b-day party, watching her (shes 2) chase people around laughing made me miss him so much. I hate knowing hes not here to share in these moments. It kills me that I can't turn to him and hold him or anything.

 
Old 07-19-2013, 10:56 AM   #4
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Re: how to cope

it's just so soon, and as cliché as it sounds, time is a healer.....
In time, thinking of him will bring a smile to your face and a gentle calm, instead of a tear to your eye. There is no way to rush thru the process......it will come in time.
Be gentle on yourself, you've been through a lot.

 
Old 07-20-2013, 09:15 PM   #5
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Re: how to cope

thank you again. I realized the last two days were really rough and I know there will be others.Talking helped and keeping a journal maybe to write the things I want to tell him will help also. I know my grief is still so fresh and everything and that Im getting hit on all sides right now. Just have been feeling over whelmed by everything...grief, trying to figure out where I go from here. I know I have to make changes, plus getting ready to go back to a high stress job while having to also go thru several "firsts" (his birthday, our childrens birthdays, christmas ect...) just kinda all got to me at once.

Last edited by lost and sad; 07-20-2013 at 09:17 PM.

 
Old 07-22-2013, 07:35 AM   #6
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Re: how to cope

There will be days like that where it will just hit you out of nowhere, and you will get thru them. I think writing the things you want to tell him is a great idea. Talking helps, sharing good memories with family and friends, and even talking out loud to him......who says he can't hear you? Going back to work will keep your mind occupied so you won't always be overwhelmed with grief. One day at a time. Hugs to you, breathe deep and just take one day at a time....and keep posting, it helps.

 
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