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Old 08-23-2013, 04:41 PM   #1
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people who abandon you after losses

Hello,
I am new to this site and browsed a little. I was glad to know that I was or am not alone in the experiences of good friends abandoning me during a time of loss. I was a caregiver for my Dad with Alzheimers for 7 years we kept him home. After he passed my oldest brother passed away unexpectedly. Then, my stepmother all of them I was close to and involved in caring for my DAD. Then my oldest sister developed dementia and I was her conservator , she died in a nursing home. I was overwhelmed with grief and exhausted from caregiving. I do have other siblings but since I was single and nearby many of the responsibilities were put on me. I have no regrets however, I was very hurt by a group of girlfriends that I thought would be there for me , really turned on me. They acted like I had a disease or something, really immature.
We were all single and at this time they had met there husbands and had just blown me off! I guess you really see peoples souls when you need them or there is a death in your family. I have moved on and found out who my real friends are. but my question is why do people do this? don't they see they are hurting someone who is already hurting?? how come this happens to people. Anyway, I am looking for some insight into this. I don't think I did anything wrong. This has always bothered me. thank you for your responses.

 
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Old 08-23-2013, 04:56 PM   #2
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Re: people who abandon you after losses

I'm sorry for your losses. You've come to the right place to vent! I can't honestly say why people do things like that. Maybe they don't know how to grieve themselves. Perhaps they don't know how to handle loss, so avoidance, they feel, is their best option? Who knows?...

 
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:41 PM   #3
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Re: people who abandon you after losses

Thanks for welcoming me aboard! I just ran into one of the gals! It was difficult and still painful. She is married and has a child, her parents are alive . I lost a lot in terms of time and family. I am still single and am meeting new people, It seems like a grave injustice. One person being so blessed while the other endured so much suffering and loss. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, I only cant understand how people can be so cold and have no compassion for others!

 
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Old 08-23-2013, 05:55 PM   #4
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Re: people who abandon you after losses

I think sometimes its hard for people who have a lot and have never experienced grief to reach out to someone whose suffering. Maybe she feels at a loss for words and doesn't know what to say or do? I wouldn't take it too personal, perhaps she's trying to give you your space and let you heal? Unless she's said something unkind?

 
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Old 08-23-2013, 06:14 PM   #5
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Re: people who abandon you after losses

No,it has been 6 years since all of this happened and there has been plenty of space and time. a nice thought though!

 
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Old 08-25-2013, 09:34 PM   #6
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Re: people who abandon you after losses

Hi there ~ I am sorry that you have suffered so many losses in such a short period of time.

I know a little bit about that having lost my little brother and mom just 9 months apart.

My brother had a rare disorder and was in Hospice care for 3 years, where we had time to prepare for his passing as difficult as it was.

And then my mom, healthy as can be walking 4 miles a day and never hospitalized her entire life was diagnosed with Biliary Cancer and gone within 3 months time.

I realized at that time who were my true friends and who weren't just like you.

And my mom once said that you are blessed if by the end of your lifetime you could count the true friends on one hand.

Also prior to the loss of my dear brother and mom, my one daughter was diagnosed with depression and then Bipolar.

Our lives were torn upside down during this time and we felt isolated and so alone since she had 4 hospitalizations before we were able to get down to what was going on.

Like you, most of who we thought were our friends seemed to abandon us in our time of need some treating us as if we had the plague.

But then there was this one couple who knocked on our door and told us they wanted to spend time with us and missed us....they told us that they didn't know what to do or say to make us feel better but wanted us to know that they cared.

They handed us the phone # of a friend who had a son with depression and Bipolar who had told them we could call them for support at any time. And that gesture was the most appreciated and loving thing that a friend could do for us at a time we felt soo very helpless and alone.

Anyway......we truly cherish this couple to this day who stood by our side while others seemed to go about their lives.....and KNOW that they are the type of friends we can always count on during both good times and bad.

I am sorry that you didn't have any that could be there in that capacity for you.

I think it has more to do with them and their ability to stick by somebody going through a hard time even if they don't quite know what to say or do.

I am glad that you are moving on......it sounds like your girlfriends were young and immature and emotionally incapable of being the type of friend you needed.

Their lives have moved to a plane that is so different than yours is right now.

Probably best to be open to friendships that are more mature and supportive of your needs at this time.

Hoping that you have had time to heal from the losses over the past 7 years and can take some time to take good care of YOU.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Ivory

 
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Old 09-23-2013, 06:38 PM   #7
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Re: people who abandon you after losses

Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad to know that I am not alone in experiencing this. I don't understand why people can't understand another's pain or loss. As humans we all will experience this at some point in our lives. Do they think they are going to catch it?? I have enjoyed my time to regroup and heal but I have yet to find a soulmate and have only a few good friends who have been there for me. I used to be there for everyone and now I save my energy and try to be my own bestfriend. Unfortunately, life can make you realize that you really only have a few folks you can really count on.

 
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