Melissa what brand hair color did you use?
Rule of thumb is go two shades lighter then your original color as most tend to make it darker. I just colored mine I am dark brown and went with medium brown and it made it darker.
One good thing for you if its to dark it will fade after a few washings if you use a shampoo to remove build up like Nutragina it might help fade it quicker.
As for your Moms hands hmmm gosh sounds like you tried all the things, I think keep them moist and it will come out faster. How about Hand cleaner? LIke the kind from the hardware store? I wonder if that would work? It comes in a tub and also you can buy a tub in the section of the laundry detergents to remove stains, on one of mine it says can be used as a hand cleaner too!