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Old 04-12-2010, 08:03 AM   #1
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Heart Attack

My dad had several massive heart attacks. They are unable to tell us how long he was down and he has significant brain swelling. They can not take him off of the sedation because his body does not tolerate. So they have said that there is no more that they can do. I feel devestated.

 
Old 04-13-2010, 08:33 PM   #2
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Re: Heart Attack

hello addie

Well it is not easy to put your dad in the hands of the drs.,but you have to trust that they are doing everything they can for your dad.Sometimes drs. don't know everything though(they're only human afterall).Right now just feel thankful that they have your dad feeling comfortable.Try not to worry & fret about it...instead you could just be strong for your dad.

Please keep me posted on how things are going,okay?I care.

Scout

 
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Old 04-14-2010, 05:17 AM   #3
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Re: Heart Attack

The latest is is that his brain is swollen, he has encephalitis and 5% activity. ontop of all that he is having seizures. They have taken him off of the sedation and he has not woken up yet. And now I have started to have dreams about him. He is a strong man. I am just hoping that for his younger kids that he pulls through. Thank you for your support.

The doctor just came in and talked tomy family and said that they have never seen anybody recover from the massive damage that was done. I just hope that he is not suffering. They have said that we need to make a decision about what we think needs to happen next. Tough call to just give up on somebody.

Last edited by addie7; 04-14-2010 at 09:04 AM.

 
Old 04-14-2010, 12:54 PM   #4
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Re: Heart Attack

hi Addie

Well I have to tell you that I am a person of very deep faith...I am praying for your dad.There's probably nothing I can say to make things better for you,your dad & your family,but you must never give up hope.Drs. are not above anyone...they make mistakes all the time...it upsets me that a dr. would say nobody in his condition can get better.

It is very hard to make a decision to let your loved one just rest 'til it's their time to leave this earth.I had a very good friend who was 73yrs.old and she was like a mother to me.I loved her dearly & she was in the hospital hooked up to a machine to keep her kidneys going...her liver was not working too.Well I was sitting by her bed for a couple hours and then two of her grown daughters came by...they asked me to sign something for my friend Joyce so I did,because they couldn't bring themselves to do it.Next thing I know the nurse came in and took out all her IV's and they kept her on morphine...she passed away the next day.I cried so hard,but there was nothing else that could be done to help her,except to keep her pain free.Joyce did not want to be kept alive by machines...so I guess the last gift I gave her was for me to sign the papers when her daughters could not do it.At first I felt like they tricked me,but then I realized if it was my mother I probably couldn't bring myself to do it either.

My dad passed on at age 64 from lung cancer...after one chemotherapy he said"no more" and he just wanted to go home and be in his own bed.It is a very hard,sad thing to lose a parent,but the best thing you can do for them is be strong.Even though your dad's health is in critical condition he is not going to leave until he is good and ready....so don't let the drs. upset you with their "matter of fact" words...

Anyways I still believe that people can get well despite the odds the drs. give them...I've seen it happen before.As long as there is hope & faith there is a chance for him to recover.

Thanks Addie for letting me know.Don't let anyone take your hope away.

Scout

 
Old 04-14-2010, 07:28 PM   #5
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Re: Heart Attack

Thank you for all your words of advice. They have asked the family to sign the papers...but everyone is not exactly sure about what to do and what he would want. They are doing another EEG and Cat Scan today and they said if there is no change then we will need to decide what to do. My dad is only 58 I think that is why this is so hard he is young.

 
Old 04-15-2010, 08:27 AM   #6
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Re: Heart Attack

The tests should give the drs. a clear picture of your dad's brain activity....wait 'til you know what they found then go from there.It might be better than the drs. first thought...think of what your dad would say/do if it were one of his loved ones or dear friends instead of him....you & your family will find the right answers though it is a very heartbreaking ordeal you ae all going through.


Scout

 
Old 04-16-2010, 04:43 AM   #7
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Re: Heart Attack

They said that there is no brain activity and that the family needs to make a decision. They said that he is in a coma and they do not see him waking up from and if he does that he will be in a permanent vegetative state. I know that he would not want to live like that. But I am having a really difficult time convincing the rest of the family to o what is best.

 
Old 04-16-2010, 11:58 AM   #8
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Re: Heart Attack

hello addie
So sorry to hear about your dad's condition...families tend to be in denial when something so unfortunate like this occurs.It is a truly devastating ordeal for which there are no right and no wrong answers.

Sometimes all that's needed is a bit more time so that eveyone can get there thoughts together...not an easy thing to do when your hearts are broken.Everyone needs to voice their opinion and then come together on what will be decided.

Your dad is still young(same age as my husband is)so I can truly relate to how you feel with your dad being still young.Seiously if this happened to my dear husband I would have a very hard time letting go of him...but what kind of life would he have?Lying in a bed in a coma with his brain dead...that is no life...my husband would not want that...don't think any person would.There's always hope though...so if there are people in your family that want to keep him alive then so be it...maybe they just need more time to absorb the full scope of this tragedy....

Maybe you could suggest to your family that you all need to take a bit more time to think about your dad(I hope the drs. aren't rushing your family for an answer to what they want to do).Do they have your dad on life support?If he is breathing on his own then that's a much tougher call,but if not then his body is already shutting down.

Sometimes people can have a heart attack or some other problem and they pass away so quickly...your dad survived and that is a rare gift addie...you & your family,your dad's friends & people who knew him all have a chance to see him,tell him farewell & give their love to him...not everyone gets to do that....

So the best thing might be to have everyone think all this through and also make sure all his friends are notified so they have a chance to see him too.The worst thing is to have everone arguing about what to do....it will just hurt more and not make anything better.

Just try to think about what your dad would want...you will all find the answer I'm sure~

Scout

 
Old 04-16-2010, 07:50 PM   #9
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Re: Heart Attack

That is what I have asked my family to do. My dad was a strong,stubborn,hard headed man. I know that this is not the way that he would have wanted to live. He had told me his wishes. But I amunsure if he had told his wife. They think that he is going to wake up and be himself again. I have just been listening to the doctors and they have said that his organs have now begun to shut down. I just think that they are unwilling to look at the big picture and not be selfish. They think that I am being cold because I am ready to let him go. It is not that I am. I just know what he would have wanted. And I have also been there for him and they have not been around in the past 20 years. So in a way I feel like they want him to hold on so they can make peace. But I am unsure that is fair to him. They had their chance and they let it slip by. I had just talked with him and he told me that he loved me and he knew that I loved him. I think that they are angry at me for that. Now I just feel resentment towards them.

 
Old 04-17-2010, 01:05 AM   #10
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Re: Heart Attack

Sorry for your dad's condition addie. My father's condition is almost similar and I can understand how it feels. I need to clear some points with Scout.

Scout, My father is 73yrs old. He has a total blockage in the arteries of the heart. Only 10% of blood is being supplied to his heart. The doctors suggested a bypass surgery to this. But the next day it was found that he also has a blockage in the carotid artery as well due to which the bypass surgery was not possible.

Questions:
1. CABG (Bypass Surgery) is really not possible
2. What are the risks involved in this?
3. What are the chances of keeping him on medications?

I need a suggestion on the above case what has to be done.

 
Old 04-17-2010, 09:45 AM   #11
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Re: Heart Attack

hi addie

Okay what I would do is let his wife decide and whoever else is siding with her;there is not much you can do at this point...you know in your heart how you feel about your dad and how he feels about you.It's not anyone's fault that your dad is very ill.People tend to start blaming everyone for what is happening...you should be the bigger person and just let them do what they please.What matters is that you voiced your heartfelt opinion...how the others see your input is not important.So if they want to keep your dad on every life support posible then let them....but unless a miracle happens your dad will not be the same as he was before.It's a real tragedy and what is happening is they are being selfish..wanting him to live as a vegetable instead of letting him leave this earth in peace.I am truly so sorry you are being treated like this.At this time I would suggest you just spend quiet time when you visit your dad and just make it clear to the ones who are rude to you that you intend to be there for your dad in spirit and you will definitely not partake in their "war of what to do"....I am so glad you & your dad had a chance to speak to each other and express your love before he took ill...that is a wonderful blessing.

Maybe today will be a better day for everyone....I'm sure your dad would be very,very proud of you....you said what you felt and that's all you could do.

Scout

 
Old 04-17-2010, 09:59 AM   #12
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Re: Heart Attack

Quote:
Originally Posted by jnh View Post
Sorry for your dad's condition addie. My father's condition is almost similar and I can understand how it feels. I need to clear some points with Scout.

Scout, My father is 73yrs old. He has a total blockage in the arteries of the heart. Only 10% of blood is being supplied to his heart. The doctors suggested a bypass surgery to this. But the next day it was found that he also has a blockage in the carotid artery as well due to which the bypass surgery was not possible.

Questions:
1. CABG (Bypass Surgery) is really not possible
2. What are the risks involved in this?
3. What are the chances of keeping him on medications?

I need a suggestion on the above case what has to be done.
hello jnh

so sorry that your dad is having these heart problems.



well I would ask the drs. any questions you have...I'm really not qualified to answer your questions.

what I suggest is that you ask the drs.what the options are for your dad...if he has a chance to improve or not....you need to know these things definitely......

don't be afraid to ask the drs. anything....speak up and demand them to explain everything...without a good communication with the drs. you won't be able to know & understand your dad's health situation.

Scout

 
Old 04-17-2010, 04:38 PM   #13
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Re: Heart Attack

Scout,

Thank you so much for your words of support. I am really going through a difficult time with all of this. They are going through his stuff and taking what they want. I am just watching it all in disbelief. I can truly not grasp what they are doing and or thinking. They just had him baptized and are saying that they are going to cremate him and give each of us some of his ashes when they decide to disconnect him. CRAZY!!! I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying.

 
Old 04-17-2010, 05:31 PM   #14
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Re: Heart Attack

Try not to let all the hoopla get to you..people do strange things at a time such as this.When my dad passed on he was living with my brother & his wife & their two little boys..it was heartbreaking.My brother actually used my dad's credit card(charged it up to the limit..to buy a new computer and other things...)and my dad told one of my sisters about it...he was crying,because he had no control over the whole situation...Then within minutes after he passed on my brother was gathering all my dad's possessions and taking them out to the dumpster..my brother-in-law had to actually jump into the dumpster and retrieve all the items...so see like I said people just go wack-o when a tragedy happens.

This type of thing happens to many families.My mom a few years ago went through all her things and sorted out who had given her what and she packed it all up and distributed it to each one of us kids...and she is still alive and well.She said it was beter this way so nobody would fight over her things saying "I gave her that..it's mine & I want it back"...so utterly insane....the person you loved is gone and why should their belongings be so important..but that's the way of people sometimes.

When my dear friend Joyce passed on I stayed up the night before and wrote her a poem and it eased my pain...I read it at the closing of her wake...I was the only one who came forward to speak and I felt so honored to read my poem I wrote for her...it was my farewell to her.Now when I'm missing her so terribly I think of that poem and it helps me cope.You could write your dad a poem or a note and then you'll always have that to remember this time...instead of the memories of the family going through his personal things....

I have about seven birthday cards I saved from my dad.Sometimes I'll pick one out and display it with cards I just received...I know my dad would've thought that was so sweet.Those little,simple cards will always be a treasure to me.

My dad did his own deciding about what he wanted...he wanted to be cremated...so he found an ad in the paper for a place and filled out the form and even included a check to pay for the cremation.My youngest sister went to visit him and he asked her to mail something for him..she said"Sure" and later when she went to mail it she saw what it was for and she was shocked..well she did mail it,but it bothered her greatly.These are just things that we all have to deal with at some point in our lives...it's very hard,but somehow we get through it....and you will get through it.People just act ridiculously at times like this...and remember it's not that they don't love the person who is passing on it's just that I believe they need to be doing something to take their minds off the tragedy of it....so let them keep busy with going through your dad's things..they'll look back on their actions later and see how truly bizarre they acted.

Didn't mean for this post to be so long,but I hope it helps you in some way...please take care~let me know how everything is going~you will get through this,because I can tell you are a strong person and being sensitive does not mean you are uncaring..in fact it's exactly the opposite.

Scout

Last edited by scout316; 04-17-2010 at 05:39 PM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 04-20-2010, 05:31 PM   #15
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Re: Heart Attack

Thank you for all of your help.My dad was taken off life support and passed away. I am now unsure how I feel about anything. I am lost, hurt and confused.

 
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