I had my stress test this week, and once again the results came back normal. I don't mean that to sound flippant - I am thrilled with the results. I can add that to my stack (2 Chest x-rays, 3 EKGs, 1 Echo, an array of blood work) that tells me my heart is okay, and that I just suffer from sporadic bouts of mild tachycardia and a few PACs/PVCs.
I still have chest pain, but have been told that it is a muscle/skeletal issue and that it will go away with time.
The logical part of my brain tells me I'm fine. Nearly a dozen doctors have told me I'm fine. And then I'll have a few PACs in a row, or a time of tachycardia, accompanied with the chest pain.... and I lose all logic. It feels SCARY. It feels less than NORMAL. I have good days, where I feel strong enough not to worry. And some weeks those good days outnumber the weak days. This is not one of those weeks.
I'm working on breathing exercises. From the start (when I was told it's just panic attacks), I began seeing a psychiatrist. I'm also working on taking multiple chunks of time out each day to stretch, using that time to reflect or meditate. Worst case scenario brings me to my emergency bottle of Xanax.
How do you do it? How do you convince yourself that you're not dying? That this isn't a time you need to go to the ER? That you're okay?