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Old 11-27-2012, 04:11 PM   #1
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Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Hi, I am due to have heart bypass surgery soon - a double bypass. About 10 years ago I had a single bypass and managed to get through the emotions and physical well being of that by myself, as my husband was going through a very bad patch at work and was severely depressed, so I just got on with it. I changed my diet, exercised more, took my medication.

However, this time I am more scared being its a double bypass and all the associated risks with a second bypass. My husband has reverted to mood swings and makes me feel that it is all my fault that I now need surgery again. It has driven him to a dark place, but I need him positive for me. I lost my mother a few years back and a sister a few months ago.

Any advice on how to cope with him and continuing heart diease. I am 55 years and don't want to have a third bypass?

 
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Old 11-27-2012, 06:43 PM   #2
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

I'm sorry you have to go through that operation again, I had a triple in 2009 so I know how you must feel.
You are still relatively young so you should have no problems with the operation.
Your husband needs to support you not 'blame' you for what has happened.

Do you know if it was your graft that blocked up, or is your graft still open?
Did they use an internal mammary artery when you had your last bypass or a vein from your leg?
They tend to use the mammary arteries now because they're supposed to last a lot longer.

My son in laws grandfather had bypass 30 years ago and is still going strong.

Good Luck.

 
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Old 11-28-2012, 03:33 PM   #3
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Thanks Vyking for taking the time and trouble to write. Your words of reassurance are very encouraging especially about your relation going 30 years without the need for another bypass. The previous graft was completely blocked and now the Left Main artery is severely blocked. My vein was used the last time.

I know being positive plays a major role in the recovery. So I am being positive by re-visiting my strict healthy eating programme now before the operation. I have managed to lose some weight. I have identified additional exercise classes to take. What I can't seem to manage is the stress my self-centred partner puts on me. I am seriously considering if there is a correlation between his bouts of stress and my heart operations.

Anyway just sharing and reading others accounts, helps me to count my blessings that my heart problem is fixable. Thanks again, I don't feel so alone.

 
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Old 11-28-2012, 10:46 PM   #4
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Olympic2012,
Stress is a major cause of grafts blocking up.
My wife and I separated in Jan this year - this caused me major stress and I started smoking again, I went to the docs to get a script for Champix so I could stop smoking again - the doc would not give them to me because she had me on anti-depressants at the time.

She told me to forget about the smoking for now and get my stress under control - she said stress is worse than all the other body nasties combined, including smoking.
She said to get the stress under control and worry about the smoking later.

If your hubby is causing you to stress out I think that could be the reason for your grafts blocking as fast as they have.

Btw: I did stop smoking again.

 
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Old 11-28-2012, 10:54 PM   #5
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

BTW: I had 70% blockage of Right Main Coronary Artery.
90% Left Main and 90% Left Anterior Descending (LAD - The Widowmaker).

They used both my mammary arteries (L and R) and the vein from my leg.

They say the mammary arteries have a 20 year guarantee.

 
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Old 12-01-2012, 02:39 AM   #6
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Smile Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Congratulation of quitting smoking. I have never smoked.

I strongly believe it is the stress that it is doing it too. I have been married for over 35+ years, a great achievement. You hold it together for the kids, career etc, but at what costs to me. I got rid of the career after the last bypass. At first I missed the career, but now I am so busy with the grandkids.

So with strength I will now have to challenge the other parts of the stress factors, and be selfish and self centre for my own well being. I am literately too soft hearted!

I am in good hands as the doctors have put me through every test. I just have to do my bit too. It so good to know that there are others out there who have or are going through the same thing. Thanks again for sharing.

 
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Old 12-18-2012, 02:53 PM   #7
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

I am so sorry to hear that. I've just undergone a heart surgery for ASD closure. Though my husband was with me the first three weeks, his eyes were never away from the TV or his phone. He also keep telling me that I am having a slow recovery and keeps comparing to his dad for had a triple bypass 5 years ago. His dad had a speedy recovery. He could get up all by himself four days after being discharged and back to normal life in just one month. I feel very discouraged. Anyway, my main point here is that not to worry too much about your surgery. I'll sure you'll be fine as long as there's no complications. Meanwhile, I am sure your husband is going through a tough time too. Have you tried talking to him? Of course, he shouldn't be treating you like that, but try talking to each other and show support. Otherwise, it's good to talk to other family members and friends. Wish you all the best!

 
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:15 PM   #8
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Thanks for your supportive comments Kate. Glad your own surgery was successful. There are so many emotions involved in any surgery and our partners seems to think we should just pick up our beds and walk! Please don't be discouraged. It is obvious that you are key to the household and his dad no doubt had excellent support to aid his quick recovery. Even superwomen need time to recover!

I do have one or two close girlfriends who I confide in and that helps release the steam. Since I discovered I needed surgery my husband has developed pains in his shoulder and neck. The doctor says its muscular but he appears to be constantly in pain when at rest in the evenings and night! His blood pressure is also very high and she has double his medication so I assume it is all stress related. I am trying to be patient with him but you just want to be treated in a thoughtful way. Sometime I feel like shouting I am the one going into major surgery again as he moans and groans about his own aches and pains. My surgery is next week, he will have to cope somehow. I need my strength and emotions for my own recovery.

 
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:08 PM   #9
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

I am not trying to be offensive here, but some males make it a big scene even when they have a minor cough. I've just gave him a lecture last night and now he's obeying whatever I said...but who knows how long it will last. I decided to rely on myself instead even though I really need some emotional support. Luckily, I have my family to support me emotionally. We just have to be strong. Maybe your husband is upset with his pain and afraid that he will not be able to take care of you after your surgery. I hope he will take good care of you. I wish you the best with your surgery and have a speedy recovery. As for me, everything is fine so far. I can drive and everything, but still, my throat feels itchy and none of the doctors are able to help me. I can only keep on coughing.

Please enjoy the holiday and not to worry about the surgery. Nowadays, everything is so advance, so I am sure you'll be fine. Good luck!!

 
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:41 PM   #10
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Thank you both. Happy holidays!

Good luck with your surgery again, Olympic2012!!

 
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:56 PM   #11
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Hi Kate 502 and Vyking. I had my operation which was a success. They used two veins from my legs. However, My recovering was not straight foward. My wound would not heal after 7 days and I got an infection in it (pneuomina I think). Was on antibotics for ages. I had to have wound sponge therapy also. After 2 weeks the infection went away and the wound was restitched, so I am sore all over again! My husband missed me so much, what should have been a 7 night stay turned into a 30 night stay and even now I am home but under the care of the District Nurse. It is only day 2, so far he is being suppportive and attentive. I think the length of time I was in hospital made he realise how much I do for him and the family. They struggled a bit. I ended up making them a shopping list for food and a few menu options etc. Told them to eat vegetables to avoid constipation etc. I think they are more appreciative of me now, but time will tell. After I accepted that there was nothing I could do I just relaxed in hospital and enjoyed my stay. I read 6 books, had constant normal blood pressure and found my inner zen and even lost more weight. I must maintain this relax state of mind. Hope things have improved your end.

 
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Old 05-19-2013, 04:49 PM   #12
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Wink Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Just an update to my last posting. It is now 5 months since my CABG and after my extended hospital stay, I then had a further 2 months dealing with my chest wound issues. I have to say that my husband has been very supportive in doing things around the house, helping me with the shopping in the supermarket making sure I don't carry any weights and over stretch myself and all with good grace. The nasty emotional side has disappeared, which I now believe was the fear. I think the shock of almost losing me and experiencing what life could have been like without me around makes him more determined that we do everything possible to avoid a third bypass.

He has even bought me a cycle to increase my activity and fitness and we both go cycling at the weekends in the local parks. Bearing in mind I could not ride..he patiently taught me running behind me whilst I caught my balance. Not bad for a 55 year old learning to ride for the first time....its early days and I am doing well. We are adjusting together.

 
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Old 05-19-2013, 05:55 PM   #13
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Re: Heart Diease and unsupportive partner

Hi Olymic2012,
Sounds like you had a tough time, but I'm glad things are getting better and it's good to hear that your husband is giving you the support you need.

Good luck.

 
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