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Old 04-06-2004, 09:00 PM   #1
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My ethical dilemma - please answer me

Please tell me what you would do if you were in this situation.

I know someone who has hep C with a high viral load. This person recently began sleeping with a woman that I work with, whom I like very much. I doubt that the person with hep C has told my co-worker friend about it. I am afraid to tell my friend because I am afraid of what the other person might do to me because he is not a nice person, has guns and is an alcoholic. I am the only one who knows about his illness because I used to be friends with him (before I got to know him!) and he told me about his hep C because I had told him about mine. He has refused treatment. If I tell her he will know that I'm the one who told her and he might do something to one of my dogs or something when I'm not home to pay me back. But I keep thinking about how horrible it would be if she got sick from him and it would be my fault. I know you can say: "Well she's a grown woman, and she should know to protect herself." But what if he's lied to her and she does get sick? Should I just forget it? What would you do? PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS. Thank you.

 
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Old 04-06-2004, 09:09 PM   #2
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Re: My ethical dilemma - please answer me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister
Please tell me what you would do if you were in this situation.

I know someone who has hep C with a high viral load. This person recently began sleeping with a woman that I work with, whom I like very much. I doubt that the person with hep C has told my co-worker friend about it. I am afraid to tell my friend because I am afraid of what the other person might do to me because he is not a nice person, has guns and is an alcoholic. I am the only one who knows about his illness because I used to be friends with him (before I got to know him!) and he told me about his hep C because I had told him about mine. He has refused treatment. If I tell her he will know that I'm the one who told her and he might do something to one of my dogs or something when I'm not home to pay me back. But I keep thinking about how horrible it would be if she got sick from him and it would be my fault. I know you can say: "Well she's a grown woman, and she should know to protect herself." But what if he's lied to her and she does get sick? Should I just forget it? What would you do? PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS. Thank you.

Hello Sister,

I don't think you violate any confidences by asking your friend if she's using condoms, or practicing safe sex, if that phrasing is easier. If not, hep c is really only a fraction of the problems she's risking, and you'd be a good friend to urge her strongly. if they are praciticing safe sex, so be it, the problem goes away (well, somewhat).

If not, you could choose to go further, and say, if it was necessary to convince her, that you don't consider this man risk-free--again without violating any confidences.

if no safe sex, and she is your friend, your loyalty is to her.You are not his lawyer or physician, and don't really owe him much except courtesy. Only fear of his guns and temper would keep me from ratting him out if that's what it took to scare some sense into my friend.

Ultimately, though, it is her choice--almost every adult knows the risks of unsafe sex nowadays, and I'd be surprised if she was not practicing it. And if not, she is possibly beyond your common sense advice.


My opinion only, of course. I hope they are simply doing the right thing in bed, in which case, no big deal.

sean

Last edited by sean; 04-07-2004 at 06:52 PM.

 
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Old 04-06-2004, 09:32 PM   #3
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Re: My ethical dilemma - please answer me

THANKS SEAN! I'm going to ask her if she uses condoms with him. If she says "yes," then I'll say "good." If she says "no" then I'll probably freak out. But hopefully she'll say "yes." Thank you very much. I'll let you know what happens.

 
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Old 04-08-2004, 10:51 PM   #4
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Re: My ethical dilemma - please answer me

I got hepatitis c in 1967 and married in 1970. I did not know I had the virus until this past year. However, my husband is still virus free. From my reading, that would seem to be the case for most couples.

alice

 
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Old 04-11-2004, 02:25 PM   #5
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Re: My ethical dilemma - please answer me

WoW! Sean, your advice is exemplary!

 
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