Just diagnosed and need support and questions answered. - Herpes Message Board

topaz175 · 11-18-2003, 07:56 PM

Hi, I just joined and I need some basic questions answered and how to tell my partner. I just started going out with someone about six weeks and we just became intimate. I told him last Saturday. He seemed to take it OK and said he needed to speak with his doctor and get some information. I spoke to him on Sunday but haven't heard from him since. I usually receive an email but haven't heard since then. I figured I would give him a few days and then ask him how he is feeling. What is your advice about this? Thanks a whole lot!

I also need some information. When having sex, what can I do and what can I not do to infect someone else. When not having an outbreak and when having an outbreak. I did find out that during an outbreak it is much easier and I probably wouldn't feel like it anyway. Any info anyone has would be helpful or any links. I am going to a support group tomorrow so I'll see what happens.

Thanks mucho! I am trying to deal with this in a mature way but I feel very angry!

I finally meet someone I like and this happens!

backpacker · 11-19-2003, 02:43 PM

I'm so sorry. Rmember that for your partner, this is going to take some getting used to also. Hopefully he will decide your relationship is worth the risk. You must remember that there is always a risk. Perhaps you might tell him that at least a fourth of all people have herpes, and many don't know about it (as it can lay dormant for years)...so if he is out dating other people, he could easily catch it or something worse from someone who isn't even trying to protect him. For advice on how to try to keep a partner from getting it, read the current Happy Couples post.

If he doesn't decide to continue the relationship, try to realize that he is not the one for you...as all relationships require some kind of risk! There are many people on this board who have found partners who value them more than the fear of contracting herpes.

topaz175 · 11-19-2003, 09:11 PM

I just came back from a support group and previous to this, my therapist. I still haven't heard from my friend and I realize he has to take some time to get used to it. I have already decided that I am going out there again because I am worth it. I'm not going to let this get my down. Eventually, someone will accept it. I have no idea who gave it to me and maybe that person didn't even know.

I know you are right that if he doesn't continue the relationship, it is his loss and he is not for me. I had a good time while it lasted. I am already getting ready for the rejection. I hope I can keep up this attitude! This is a great site!

Quote:

Originally Posted by backpacker

I'm so sorry. Rmember that for your partner, this is going to take some getting used to also. Hopefully he will decide your relationship is worth the risk. You must remember that there is always a risk. Perhaps you might tell him that at least a fourth of all people have herpes, and many don't know about it (as it can lay dormant for years)...so if he is out dating other people, he could easily catch it or something worse from someone who isn't even trying to protect him. For advice on how to try to keep a partner from getting it, read the current Happy Couples post.

If he doesn't decide to continue the relationship, try to realize that he is not the one for you...as all relationships require some kind of risk! There are many people on this board who have found partners who value them more than the fear of contracting herpes.

Ornament · 11-22-2003, 08:25 AM

Topaz ~

I'm new to all this as well. It seems that BP has all the wisdom, knowledge and courage to get us through this. Pay close attention to all her posts, there is hope and salvation in her words. If you don't hear back from the guy, oh well, you probably deserve better anyway. And remember H is not life-threatening! Now as far as this yoga class goes...do you really get anything out of it? I'm looking for something to relax me and help me cope with the stress that H brings and the stress of everyday life. Does yoga help????

Feel Better, we're all in this together -Orn

backpacker · 11-22-2003, 12:16 PM

My goodness, I'm just a paragon, aren't I! Orn, you're making me laugh, thanks! But I don't often feel wise or courageous. I think those of us who have had h a long time lived through the days when everyone was so ignorant about it--we didn't know about asymptomatic shedding, or even that it could be passed on a couple days before and after the sores--that we weren't so uptight when we got it. And remember, these were the pre-AIDS days, when we thought VD, as we called it, was not so serious (since gonorrhea and syphilis were no longer dangerous, as long as you got your antibiotics early enough,) and that medical science would cure everything eventually. Those were the days of free love; nobody ever asked you if you had a disease before having sex with you! Pretty innocent and ignorant, but I think the relaxed approach to the idea of having herpes helps avoid ob's. And the old "this too will pass" saying gets you through your ob's, as well as many harder times in life.