Protecting Self and Others - Herpes Message Board

notsobad · 11-21-2003, 08:51 AM

I have been thinking about this for a few weeks and just wanted to put it out there for those that would like to read it. Most of us are concerned somewhat obsessed with how can life go on now that I have herpes. You are devasted at the thought of not being able to have a healthy and happy relationship because you have this dreaded disease that will cause you to be shunned by any "clean person". You fear rejection....embarrassement and a series of other emotions consume you at the thought of having to share this information with a potential mate.

I too have experienced these same feelings and emotions but have now reached some state of normalcy as I really take everything into perspective and view the bigger picture. Let's say you are 28 years old..male or female...any age will work. You meet someone..you both click...you like them..blah blah blah but then you panic cause you have to share some information with them. What's to say they don't have somethign worse to share with you but they have no intention of doing so. I guess my point is focus on your own health first....isn't that the reason we are all here in the first place? Just because someone is willing to have s*x with you after you tell them...does that make everything ok...nope...you may even be putting yourself at risk for somethign worse...I say assume everyone has what you have plus worse then go from there. I read the post of this board and its like..whooaaa...we are all so trusting with our health to other people....

Anyway...I think you guys are all great and I just wanted to share this so that we can all try to take better care of ourselves....we don't normally think about stuff like this until its the day after and your balls are itching

and yes I am a woman.

backpacker · 11-21-2003, 07:33 PM

What good points you make!

You brought me back to when my ex (whom I was dating at the time--and had just started sleeping with) learned he had herpes. This was a lo-o-o-ng time ago, when the movie "Silkwood" was playing, and I wrote in my diary, "I'm contaminated...and I'm dying." (A line from the movie, concerning nuclear power plants.) I didn't even have it then! I think.

But, oh well, I stuck with him. And the herpes had nothing to do with our breakup. And I've sure had a good life so far, for someone who was dying 20 years ago!

kaesle · 11-23-2003, 10:48 PM

I remember when I was diagnosed. I thought that my life was over and I was so different all of a sudden. And I didn't think I would ever be happy again. Yeah right!

I did die then. But the person that emerged after that day is a wiser, better woman. I am not by any means proud that I have this illness, but I know realize that it is only a small part of myself.

After I was diagnosed with H I made sure I told my future partners about it, because I couldn't be dishonest. But Notsobad is right, we might be honest, but there are those that are out there who won't be.

I am not judging anyone out there, you all have your reasons, but sometimes you have to move beyond the embarrassment or shame and realize that you are who you are, and std or not, a person should not judge you because of one. If they do, then ask yourself if they are worth it anyways.