Well, I thought I would go ahead and share my story with some of you here...though I don't really know what the point is.
Anyway...here goes. I had just graduated from college with the highest honors and had just started my first year at a very prestigious law school out on the West Coast. Everything was going great, my family couldn't have been prouder, I was the talk of the small town that I had come from, and I was ready to study my a$$ off to do well and become a successful lawyer. A few weeks into classes the workload started to pile up and of course it was physically impossible to get a good night's rest with how demanding law school is. This is when the symptoms began. First I had a bad pain in my legs, then itchiness, then burning, and finally I started getting redness and sores/cuts...it was HSV-2. I had only had sex TWICE in my entire life. Once when I was 16, and again once in college with a girl I was dating (I was wasted on my very last night of college, so it was sort of a farewell thing). Other than that I had absolutely no sexual contact whatsoever (not even oral sex). I confronted the girl I had slept with ast and she finally fessed up to having HSV-2 after some prying. She swore up and down she didn't have symptoms at the time and I even wore a condom like you are supposed to do (but unfortuneately the condom broke right in the middle of the sex).
Anyway, I figured I was a strong person and I could deal with this disease...but boy was I wrong. With all the demands of law school (and the part-time job I held as a waiter to help pay for my schooling along with a little modelling gig on the side)...I was just constantly under never-ending stress and just didn't physically have enough time to get a good nights rest. I kept getting break-outs every few weeks...even with taking vitamins, anti-virals, garlic, l-lysine...you name it, nothing worked. Soon enough, the break-outs took a toll on me emotionally and physically and I started to fall behind in my classwork. Everytime I sat down to read or do my research for my law classes, I found myself instead obsessing over my herpes...how to get rid of my symptoms, if maybe there will be a cure some day, what I would tell future partners, if I should tell a friend. This went on for a while until finally I was completely failing all my classes. I decided I needed help, so who better to ask for help from than your parents?? So I told my parents as I thought it was the "right" thing do, however, being as religious as they are...they told me it was my own fault for not waiting until marriage nor being responsible enough to check my partner's status. They basically believe God punished me for my sin. In short, I was on my own. This all happened about 10 months ago. After all this, I was badly depressed and instead of concentrating on my classes, I spent most of my time thinking of the best ways to kill myself...
Fast forward to now...I ended up failing out of law school, and all my hopes of being a successful lawyer have been crushed. I rarely speak to my parents because I am still very ashamed at myself, and I won't ask for help from them. I still have my job as a waiter at a restaurant and I'm just barely making enough to pay my bills since I refuse to ask my parents for help. I have attempted 2 relationships over the past year and both have ended as result of my herpes. The first girl just told me she couldn't risk it as much as she liked me, she didn't want to damage her life in case things didn't work out with us...perfectly understandable. The second girl really hurt, because I really thought she was "the one". After I told her and we started *trying* to have sex it was just completely awkward. We were both just so worried about me infecting her that it just wasn't enjoyable...it sort of kills the mood when you are about to get intimate and your partner asks if you are feeling any "prodromes". After a few times, she ended the relationship because we just couldn't get past it. Now I live my days badly depressed...I've tried a support group, but no one can convince me that "everything will be alright" nor that this isn't a big deal. I've all but given up on relationships...do you know how much energy it takes out of you when you put in so much time to form a relationship only to find that you are rejected because you have this cursed disease? I am constantly haunted by the what-ifs...what if I hadn't gotten drunk my last night of college? What if I had gotten so drunk that I passed out and didn't have sex?? What if the girl I was with had just warned me? What if the condom hadn't broke? What if I hadn't told my parents? Nowadays I refuse to wear a seat-belt when I drive my car in the small hope that I get in a head-on accident and just end my life...suddenly I'm not afraid to walk down those dark alley-ways late at night anymore sort of hoping someone would do something to me...and finally I've become much more aggressive in my behavior to where I literally pick fights with big guys hoping to get beat up (think "Fight Club").
Anyway, I don't mean to depress anyone here, but I thought I would share a few lessons I learned:
1) It is MUCH easier to get this disease than they tell you it is...it only took me one exposure from a broken condom.
2) Be careful before telling your parents, you might be better off telling a friend first.
3) YOU MUST tell any future partners before sleeping with them. I still wonder how different my life would be had the girl I caught this from given me a warning. Even if you get rejected, it is your RESPONSIBILITY and at least you know you didn't willfully ruin someone elses life.
For those of you who stayed with me this long...feel free to comment. I am completely desperate for suggestions/advice.
I totally feel you man. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I'm pretty sure I got it in October from a chick. She denies ever having any symptoms and neither of our doctors will test without a visual outbreak. I'm probably going to do the online test thing. I found out the hard way that when someone is tested for STD's (as she was) they don't test for herpes unless there is an outbreak. How stupid!! I thought she was safe, but now I probably have herpes and we broke up a few months ago. I feel so alone, and like you am very discouraged at the prospect of future relationships. I haven't had sex many times either, and now I think I'm tainted for life. I just hope that one day I will find that "special one" that will love me anyway, or find another girl with herpes. I know 25% have it, but unfortuanately most don't know it. So I think it will be hard to find a girl that knows she has it. Anyway, I don't know what to say to help you, as I feel the same way. Just remember, life won't always be this bad for you. Things always get better......
Hey man, I hope to God it is some freak thing for you and not Herpes. Sometimes I wish I had cancer instead, at least that is a little more "respectable". What kills me most is that the girl I was with KNEW she had Herpes but didn't have the decency to warn me. I know it is my fault for sleeping with her in the first place, but what kind of person would do that? As for finding that someone "special"...its hard enough to find your "soul mate" in the first place, much less finding her with Herpes already :-(. Good luck with your test.
What a sad story. I'm so sorry. But you know what? You can live and be happy with herpes. I've had it 14 years; others here have had it longer. Using it as an excuse to improve your health--eating, sleeping, stress control--will give you a much better life than living in regret and bitterness.
Relationships can work. Most of us here have relationships and they tend to be of better quality than those in the general population.
Try reading "Happy Couples" for a lot of stories about couples living with herpes. Believe me, there are many people who, unlike your two girlfriends, are willing to risk getting herpes for a great relationship. My soulmate is like that--me having h never seemed to bother him--and so far he has not gotten it. We have our system down, and don't think about it much otherwise. But you probably want to learn to be a happier individual before working on a relationship. Sometimes it helps just to put that out of your mind for a while, to concentrate on you.
There are many things you can try to have fewer ob's and to protect a sexual partner. Start doing research on this board and try some of the suggestions.
To me it sounds like you have convinced yourself that all you are now is the herpes virus, and that nothing else in your life matters. This is so far from true! If you start doing some things you used to love to do, or learn to do something you have always wanted to do, you will start to get your life back. And once you stop having h on your mind all the time, it won't seem as important.
Perhaps the high-stress lifestyle won't work for you now; but maybe it wouldn't have worked for other reasons, anyway.
My family (not me) is religious, too; but they don't say that God punishes people like a spiteful child would. They say he warns people of possible problems, and ignoring his warnings exposes you to the dangers. It seems silly to think that a God would punish you in particular, when others live a completely profligate lifestyle and never get any of these diseases.
Oh, and condoms don't always protect you from this virus--read around on this board and you'll see that many times over. I know it's hard to give up the "if onlies," but they can never help you move into a better future; they keep you stuck in the past, where nothing can ever improve.
Yes....this is a long and depressing story.....but I will start by saying this...hang in there things will get better. I am not a therapist or such but when I was reading your story...I kind of got the impression you were using the herpes as an excuse as to why things went wrong. Do you think that perhaps if you had not been diagnosed with herpes you would have still had the same outcome. I guess I am thinking you are obsessing a bit on the herpes when there are other factors contributing to why things are the way that they are.
I was diagnosed 2 years ago with genital herpes. I contracted it from a long term boyfriend that knew he had it and didn't say a word. Even after we had a conversation about STDs when we hooked up. I expressed to him I had always been careful not to expose myself to anything and after questioning him about any STDs he denied having any. A 1 1/2 years later he infected me. So I know how you feel when you say how could someone. But sweetie IT IS NOT the end of the world. I can not stress to you how better off I am than I probably would have been. I became very concerned with my overall health..and stress level. I have been rejected for having herpes and yes it is extremely painful but it is not the end of the world.
I could never understand why my ex-boyfriend had knowingly put me at risk and not said anything. Until someone rejected me for it....that rejection allowed me to somewhat forgive the person that infected me. Basically the only thing that stands between you (the infected person) and the uninfected person is a decision to tell or not. When you meet someone and they are interested in you and then they find out and run away. The only difference in the two of you is you gave them a choice you didn't have. Alot of people that frown on herpes don't realize that. When I was with my partner that rejected me....had I not told him...he would have walked in my shoes and then he would have felt very differently about the whole thing....all that to say...you are no less...no more tainted.....no less desirable or any of that than the next person because of your diagnosis.
Learn to accept what has happened....embrace it cause it ain't going away and figure out a way to manage it and deal with it. Out of 2 years...I have had one bad outbreak and it was the primary...after that I have had one mild one since then that lasted about 3 or 4 days.....I use to obsess on having herpes but now I accept it and I control it instead of allowing it to control me. Good luck to you.
My story (warning: long and depressing) 
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