I need to rant, all of this is driving me insane - Herpes Message Board

earthchick · 01-28-2004, 10:35 AM

Hello,

I warn you this one is long

I went on the 23 to the gyno with my boyfriend. we both got tested. and we both tested positve for the antibodies but she cannot tell either of us when we were infected. can you believe this? all she can say is that it's been over two weeks, it could have been last month, or the month before that or a year ago?. now she did give us our results at two different times I got mine monday he got his yesterday.

Okay, I realize that pointing the finger should not be the issue, it shouldn't be at all, so i'm trying my best not to go there and i guess he is too we haven't had a chance to really sit down together and talk about it lately which we need to do BEFORE we go casting blame because apparently niether of us had any problems before... us. granted i'm the one who had not had a sexual partner for almost two years and he admitted to sleeping with his ex, and some 42 year old divorcee two months before he met me. this of course is me venting and very much off the subject. okay back to the subject.

Is it possible that if she had taken my blood for testing the first time I went to her office that she could have gotten a more accurate reading, i went to her office a few days after I went to Planned Parenthood. (three days later) when I was there she said that she could take the test but I should wait and see the results of the test from planned parenthood first, they came back a little over a week later. two weeks later I when to the gyno again with my boyfriend for the test.
bascially, what I'm trying to say is that we end up getting the blood test exactly one month AFTER the first and so far only out break, can you still get an accurate test after a month? Don't get me wrong we still had to take the test, for one thing, he needed to see if he had it, (and I wanted to see if it was possible he gave it to me, which i can't,so you see why i'm ranting like a lunatic)

and now my boyfriend, who was once very, (and maybe still is he did just get a pretty bad blow) very supportive of me is now "uncomfortable" with having something he can give to others,

that can "infect" other people with,

Is he for real? this is the guy who only last week tried to convince me that it's not a big deal, that he sees it as catching a cold, blah, blah, blah...things happen for a reason, that he still loves me and is not going any where is now RUNNING (laughing hysterically again) to an herbologist or herb-guy who he found out about (two weeks ago) at this health food store who according to the newly promoted manager can kill viruses, and hey, why not? If a simple bottle of lysol can kill viruses, herpes 1 and 2 being listed on the can, why can't a modern medicine doctor? people have been cured from disease for centuries by using herbs. as we all know penicillin comes from mold.

As far as I'm concerned, if lysol can kill herpes than modern medicine should be able to as well. I think that the major med companies out there don't want to cure herpes; it's more profitable for them to treat it than to kill it. I for one ,will try anything short of ingesting lysol and paying for valtrex to supress, retard, inhibit, kill, annihilate, get rid of this @#$^$ virus! so i can't really blame him for running,...to the health food store/ modern medicine doctor now that he knows he has it.
I guess i'm going through my angry state here and maybe i'm now feeling a little insecure here too I mean in one month we went from totally happy, he, hinting about rings and getting married, talking about where we'd both want to live, to me getting bronchitis, getting sick from the medicine for the bronchitis and then being diagnosed with genital herpes, and then he being diagnosed as well and both of us not being able to tell when we got it, for how long we've had it, or who we got it from, That would make any one be upset right? right? I guess I shouldn't be too upset, i mean at least he's getting me a bottle from the herb-guy too.

Am I wrong for wanting to try to get rid of it? i mean we all want to get rid of it right?
if you've gotten this far:
Thanks for reading my rant please feel free to comment good and bad remarks are welcome if i'm talking crazy I would very much like to know.

l'trimm · 01-28-2004, 11:54 AM

Hey earthchick, (this is long too

) I know the shock and sting of diagnosis is extremely painful and I can totally sense the pain and urgency in your post. No, you are not talking crazy. This disease can drive anyone looney tunes, if you let it. I've been told herbal supplements work well, and some people swear by it. (I'm considering it myself). Alternative treatment takes about 3-6 months with tons of ups and downs which make you feel like it is not working, before you start
to see the slightest results, but a lot of women swear by it after doing it for 1 year. I heard that getting on a proper herbal regimine, or getting a referal to a great herbalist in your area, perhaps trying the accupunture route helps a lot of
ppl. I'm glad that your fiance is going the extra mile and doing something about it for both of you.

As long as you know what you have and your bf has it too, there is so much room for the both of you to grow together. Think of it as something that can bring you two very close together. I know it's hard but both of you kind of have to force yourselves to play the cheerleader and keep each other's spirits up...at least for the time being...because before you know it, your obs will heal over and you'll be back to feeling happy and normal again...There's always going to be tribulations during any marraige but it's a good thing that your relationship is being hard-tested now before going down that isle because you can see for yourself how he handles hardships. And judging from what you wrote about your fiance, it sounds like he is trying his best to take care of himself and you by willing to get treatment. That is a healthy way of dealing with it, in my opinion, because at least he is taking the initiative and facing the prob head-on. And about him changing his mind about things and acting differently, it's to be expected because this disease makes you go through tons of emotions...

I, too, have no idea where I got it and like you, I was abstinent for years with no problems at all until it unexpectedly showed up during a relationship with the man of my dreams. But I like to keep my unknowingness that way because it's so not worth the fuss and blaming someone else, my husband or him blaming me, etc. You read my mind about the lysol! I've always wondered about that and I became somewhat of a germ freak since I caught herpes and I started spraying everything with lysol, lol

and I think this extra-precaution stuff I go through is only because I still have no idea where I got herpes. But back to your post...

Everyone feels very distressed at the news of diagnosis...The key to happiness here is when you don't let it control you. Herpes doesn't define you. Herpes. Doesn't. Define. You. You must believe you're a wonderful, beautiful person regardless of a disease. Although you have HSV, earthchick, there's no reason you should be out of commission. There is much hope...Remember, it's your energy, mystery, and personality that makes you fascinating to your fiance, not some stretch of skin.

serialnovelist · 01-28-2004, 05:39 PM

Okay time forme to stick my two cents in as well, ike you and your boyfriend, my girlriend and i both ended up with it out of no where. The first day was the hardest, you go through so many emotions that you can't believe anyone including yourself could be so moody, after some of the awful thing both me and her said to each other i'm shocked we're still together.

I felt like my life was over, that i would never have sex again and that everyone would look at me like i was some kind of freak, but yeah the outbreaks are annoying to say the least but like the previous poster said once the OB goes away you'l feel happy and normal again and there's no reason on earth you can't have fun. If anything it give you the opportunity to find more things to do besides your typical bump and grind. The only thing that i'd be mindful of is catching it elsewhere on your bodies.

as much as i love giving oral gratification to my girlfriend i think for awhile at least until symptoms and breakouts are easily recognized, i think her and i are both gonna refrain. The whole term practicing medicine comes to mind when i think of the medical industry and profits and things like Herpes, Aids, etc..

It's a Virus that invades and destroys existing cells that do it's dirty work. How do you kill something like that without destroying the good cells as well. Which i think if why there's no cure for cancer yet. Don't quote me it's general information which might not be 100% accurate.

The fact your boyfriend is still around is a good sign and the fact he's finding out more and trying to find something that'll help you both is a good thing as well. you'll both need time to adjust to things and you'll realize like i did it isn't the end of the world.

As far as lysol that's jut plain wierd your right it does kill surface viruses. but you have to remember about below the skin. i think what they mean is say you touch yourself and then touch something else and your broken out it'll kill it, on a surface it doesn't have anything to infect and replicate, same principle as washing your hands after um handling your outbreak.

I'm still trying to come to terms with all of this myself since it's only been a week for me, things are definetely better than they were a week ago. Valtrex does work and if your income is low enough you should be able to qualify with a county program or planned parenthood that'll cover dr visits and prescriptions.

I also read somewhere they are thre to five years away from coming up with a vaccine for herpes, but people who already have it, it won't do anything for.
i wish you and your boyfiend the best.

earthchick · 01-29-2004, 06:52 AM

Thanks both of you for reading my incredibly long rant. You are both right, at least he's trying to do something about it for both of us. and just because my boyfriend is running to an herbalist (thanks I had no idea what they were called) Doesn't neccessarily mean that he's running from me.
I've read recently about the studies of oxygen, and its affects on cells and viruses. lots of people say that works and doesn't harm good cells, however you have to take the right amount for your body, constantly take the supplements and it may take a long time to show any affects. i wish more studies were done on it, but since you cannot patent O2 or H2O2 it's not likely that any major med co. out there is going to do it. I'm worried about the cost of valtrex, most definately. but i'm also worried about the long term affects of taking it, not much is known about that because the drug is fairly new.
I haven't ruled out valtrex entirely, after all i've only had one OB and i still have to see what's going to happen, so I guess my boy friend (he's not my fiance yet, but i'm hoping, he's the sweetest guy ever.) and I will be trying all alternatives before going to the big med companies.

Thanks again for reading my rant.
earthchick