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Old 02-03-2004, 12:02 AM   #1
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sunshineahead HB User
Would you risk herpes for love?

Hi all,

Let me preface this by asking for a caring ear--I suspect what I'm going to say might offend or anger some of you but please try to keep an open mind and understand where I am coming from.

I have been struggling with the fact that my boyfriend has herpes (HSV2)--we both recently found out (we haven't slept together). I am double negative (Western blot). Before we discovered this, we were discussing marriage and we still are.

I hate to admit it but I had no doubts before and now I've had second thoughts. Maybe because I've only known him for a couple of months--but I just knew he was the one. I don't love him any less--I'm just so scared to know that I am putting my health at risk for the rest of my life. Since nothing is permanent, I think what if we break off the engagement or get divorced years down the road and then I am stuck to deal with this with someone else. I'm not really so scared of testing positive but more so of the symptoms (I've seen some horrible cases). Part of me is glad I know but part of me wishes I never found out (he has no symptoms).

I know he loves me because he's told me he would let me go if it meant me having peace of mind, but I told him I couldn't. It would kill me because everything about him is so perfect for me except for this. He's willing to do suppressive therapy and use condoms. I've enrolled in a vaccine trial study where I may get a herpes vaccine with 75% effectiveness against symptoms or may get the placebo...I won't know for nearly 2 years.

I know everyone says love is stronger than a virus, and those are powerful words. I just think that people forget there is another side. I feel like this might sound selfish but I am worried about myself and what this means for my future since no one can predict how my body might react to the virus. I'm literally knowingly hurting myself.

Knowing that many of you are living with herpes, what is your advice to me? I've heard so many terrible stories and then others that say it's not so bad. Knowing what you know now, would you have risked getting your condition to be with a true love? I just don't feel I have an option...I can't let this guy walk away. I love him too much.

I just want true happiness, and I want to make sure he has happiness with me (since I am not too easygoing on this but more emotional--working on changing that but still adjusting). Lastly, any advice on how to have a better attitude on this?

Thanks for your support. I wish you all the best!

 
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Old 02-03-2004, 12:21 AM   #2
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Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Hey darlin
Your honesty really helps me to respond.
I was diagnosed with herpes right before Christmas.
I've had one terrible outbreak so far. It was rough, I'll admit. Since then I've been extremely lucky to stay clear for a while.
I'll be honest with you, Since then I haven't really thought about it.
Its a very, very small hindrance to my life.
I'll also be honest with you to say that if someone had come to me with Herpes, I probably would have turned them away.
This is because I didn't understand it before I had it.
I viewed it as something dirty, as this big bad virus.
I understand that Herpes treats everyone differently, but until I had it I didn't realize how easy it was to deal with.
If you would type "happy couples" into the search page, you'll find a TON of information on couples who have been through the trials.
Many don't even use condoms, and my doctor has advised me that there's a 99 percent chance I WON'T spread it between outbreaks as long as I'm taking my meds.
All I know is that you being there for him and sticking with him when you feel so right about everything else is the best possible thing you can do for his body and soul.
Herpes is not gross, It doesn't make up his person, And it is worth the risk. If I knew then what I know now, and I was confronted with a partner who had it-- I would absolutely dive in.
The only problem herpes presents is in speaking to those people who don't understand a way of life in which you can contract it.
I got it from a kiss, some get it from a towel, some from straight up sex.
It lets you know who is with you for the long haul, and who really cares for you as a person despite your past.

Some questions,
You just found out, has he had any outbreaks?
You say you've seen some bad cases, how and where?
Is he on medication?

Even if you guys are together for the rest of your lives, there's an enormous chance you'll never get it.

Keep in mind your relationship jitters, and try to seperate those feelings from the Herpes. Its easy to displace our worries and negative feelings and tack them onto something.
This is just a test to see how strong your union is, and hopefully you guys can get through this and form an awesome bond.

Please learn everything you can from these boards and stay loving and open minded. Its not the end of the world, not even close.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 12:55 AM   #3
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sunshineahead HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Thanks for the response. You are awesome and you have a very good attitude!

No, he has no symptoms but I asked for STD testing and that's when we found out. I haven't heard as good stats on transmission as you did but I heard suppressive therapy cuts transmission by 50-77%. I'm worried about getting it because his ex gave it to him when she had no symptoms and they were together only 2 years (but she wasn't on suppressive therapy).

The bad cases I've seen/heard have been online pictures (really scary) and some people on boards who complain about how terrible it is--they have large sores, can barely walk, urinate. It's kind of scary sounding. But then there are many like you who say it's small itch/tingle, that's it. I just don't want to have any regrets and I sure as heck don't want to be a bitter or resentful person later in life. I am too fun for that!

He's not on meds because he has no OB's but we haven't been intimate yet either. He said now that he knows he would do suppressive therapy and use condoms. Again, my only real fear would be if we didn't end up together and I had to deal with this with someone else.

Thanks for your caring ear and patience. I truly appreciate your help. Best of luck to you!




Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonunit
Hey darlin
Your honesty really helps me to respond.
I was diagnosed with herpes right before Christmas.
I've had one terrible outbreak so far. It was rough, I'll admit. Since then I've been extremely lucky to stay clear for a while.
I'll be honest with you, Since then I haven't really thought about it.
Its a very, very small hindrance to my life.
I'll also be honest with you to say that if someone had come to me with Herpes, I probably would have turned them away.
This is because I didn't understand it before I had it.
I viewed it as something dirty, as this big bad virus.
I understand that Herpes treats everyone differently, but until I had it I didn't realize how easy it was to deal with.
If you would type "happy couples" into the search page, you'll find a TON of information on couples who have been through the trials.
Many don't even use condoms, and my doctor has advised me that there's a 99 percent chance I WON'T spread it between outbreaks as long as I'm taking my meds.
All I know is that you being there for him and sticking with him when you feel so right about everything else is the best possible thing you can do for his body and soul.
Herpes is not gross, It doesn't make up his person, And it is worth the risk. If I knew then what I know now, and I was confronted with a partner who had it-- I would absolutely dive in.
The only problem herpes presents is in speaking to those people who don't understand a way of life in which you can contract it.
I got it from a kiss, some get it from a towel, some from straight up sex.
It lets you know who is with you for the long haul, and who really cares for you as a person despite your past.

Some questions,
You just found out, has he had any outbreaks?
You say you've seen some bad cases, how and where?
Is he on medication?

Even if you guys are together for the rest of your lives, there's an enormous chance you'll never get it.

Keep in mind your relationship jitters, and try to seperate those feelings from the Herpes. Its easy to displace our worries and negative feelings and tack them onto something.
This is just a test to see how strong your union is, and hopefully you guys can get through this and form an awesome bond.

Please learn everything you can from these boards and stay loving and open minded. Its not the end of the world, not even close.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 07:32 AM   #4
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movingrightalong HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

I don't think people can fault you or blame you for taking the decision very seriously about whether you want to be with this person. Moonunit said it really well, though when she said that knowing what she knows now, she would have jumped right in.
Up to now, Herpes hasn't been a huge deal for me. I had it for some time and didn't even know it---I would just get this recurrent line of bumps on my butt cheek. they didn't bother me much and it took over a year to figure out that that's what it was. I always though herpes was like the photos in sex ed class and that you would know beyond a doubt if you had it. Not even close.
Before I had this, I was the safety queen and a total Herpe-phobe. It's always seemed quite ironic to me that I ended up with it, it's almost funny. I got it from sleeping with a long term boyfriend who evidenly didn't know he had it. Do I regret the relationship? There's no point. The guy did way worse than give me herpes. I've never had a relationship that ended on such a heartbreaking, eye-opening and disappointing note. But all of these things, herpes included, made me who I am today, the person who my herpes-free boyfriend loves more than anything in the world.
I can't say whether you should or shouldnt risk it for this guy, but maybe you could keep seeing him and not do anything risky at all until after you are married? That way, if things don't work out you wont have to worry.
I guess the way I see it is that if you want to be with someone and you think that the realtionship has what it takes to make it for forever, ultimately herpes is going to be just a thing that is a pain sometimes, but not one of your major worries by any means.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 09:56 AM   #5
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What4 HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

I'll be honest with you, I've have had herpes for 20 years now. Living with herpes is not so bad, just having this damm visus is what kills ya. It is a life changing virus for sure. Just the word "herpes" gives you the chills. Heck, most people here dont even type the word they just type "H". Don't let anyone tell you that having herpes in not so bad. When there is a cure, that person will be the first in line. I know because I'll be there fighting for that spot!

What is love and how long does it last? That is a question you need to ask yourself. I found myself in the same situation 15 years ago as you are in today. I was in love with this gril (my first "real love")and thought nothing would brake us up. After around 5 years of dating she finely told me that she had herpes (a little to late) . I did not care (at the time). I love this gril and we wanted to get married. Well, guess what... we broke up, I dont love her anymore and I still have herpes. If I could turn back time... I would run like hell!

Now, I am still single and can not, would not fall back in love. I would not want to give this damm virus to anyone. My family and freinds always tell me that I am a good looking guy, I should have women knocking down my door... Little do they know, I have herpes. However there are more happy herpe storys than not out there to read.

I suspect my story might offend or anger some people here. but its my story and Im sticking to it. Your story might end up the happiest one living your lives together forever. Who know you might become the next "Bready Bunch". What ever you decide, good luck to ya.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 10:43 AM   #6
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sunshineahead HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Thanks for your words You sound just like me. I've been a germ-o-phobe for a while now and always was safety queen too. I find it ironic that herpes has come into my life too, but I do feel there is a reason for everything.

I've wanted to take things slow but my bf has pretty much given me an ultimatem that I need to know NOW whether we will be together forever and not have doubts. Am I being unreasonable? He has every right to feel that way but I think he is throwing away something so good...and what is another 6 months if it means we could be together forever, right? I was going to wait to be sexually active until after we got engaged and I finish my herpes vaccine (not sure if I am getting the placebo and won't know for nearly 2 years) or until we get married. So I have told him I would want his commitment to take this risk and a ring shows me that. But I still feel regardless of H that we need to get to know each other better first because this is the rest of our lives. Maybe he'll come around but he is pretty all or nothing. I'm just not sure how this tactic will work with other women in my boat if we don't end up together. Wish me luck


Quote:
Originally Posted by movingrightalong
I don't think people can fault you or blame you for taking the decision very seriously about whether you want to be with this person. Moonunit said it really well, though when she said that knowing what she knows now, she would have jumped right in.
Up to now, Herpes hasn't been a huge deal for me. I had it for some time and didn't even know it---I would just get this recurrent line of bumps on my butt cheek. they didn't bother me much and it took over a year to figure out that that's what it was. I always though herpes was like the photos in sex ed class and that you would know beyond a doubt if you had it. Not even close.
Before I had this, I was the safety queen and a total Herpe-phobe. It's always seemed quite ironic to me that I ended up with it, it's almost funny. I got it from sleeping with a long term boyfriend who evidenly didn't know he had it. Do I regret the relationship? There's no point. The guy did way worse than give me herpes. I've never had a relationship that ended on such a heartbreaking, eye-opening and disappointing note. But all of these things, herpes included, made me who I am today, the person who my herpes-free boyfriend loves more than anything in the world.
I can't say whether you should or shouldnt risk it for this guy, but maybe you could keep seeing him and not do anything risky at all until after you are married? That way, if things don't work out you wont have to worry.
I guess the way I see it is that if you want to be with someone and you think that the realtionship has what it takes to make it for forever, ultimately herpes is going to be just a thing that is a pain sometimes, but not one of your major worries by any means.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 10:57 AM   #7
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sunshineahead HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Wow...I appreciate your raw honesty. I received a similar post on another message board and this is what I am afraid of. She was negative and married a HSV2 + man. He cheated on her and they were divorced 2 years later. After another 10 years she married another man who's negative but it affects their sex life, she says. She said she was bitter and had to live with 4-5 outbreaks a year and if she had to do it over again, she would never have married him. She also said I have to live with my decision. She's right.

Most people who already have herpes and are with a negative partner have been consoling me. But they are the ones who are in current relationships. I really would probably wait until we were married to have sex but even then we could get divorced. I am worried that love is fleeting and could we be together forever? My bf is pressuring me into marriage but he doesn't seem to realize these are both life decisions (herpes and marriage). I guess if he pressures me and can't accept I need more time, then maybe he doesn't truly love me. He thinks time is slipping away from him because he's 35 but I think that's ridiculous.

Anyways, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But you sound like a great man. If you're scared to give the virus to someone else, it really shows your character and how selfless you are. If you care that much about someone else, then ANYONE would be lucky to have you. If you don't want to infect anyone, you should at least try herpes dating sites. You sound too good to be alone, and I think you should not be resentful of love. Trust me, I understand why you are, but I hope you can overcome it. I'm scared of being resentful myself in the future and that is why I am asking myself so many questions. But ultimately we all have a cross to bear and must deal with it the best we can. Life is too short. I think true happiness is a gift you cannot buy...but it is one you have to strive for everyday because you never know when it might be your last. My best wishes to you in all ways and always


Quote:
Originally Posted by What4
I'll be honest with you, I've have had herpes for 20 years now. Living with herpes is not so bad, just having this damm visus is what kills ya. It is a life changing virus for sure. Just the word "herpes" gives you the chills. Heck, most people here dont even type the word they just type "H". Don't let anyone tell you that having herpes in not so bad. When there is a cure, that person will be the first in line. I know because I'll be there fighting for that spot!

What is love and how long does it last? That is a question you need to ask yourself. I found myself in the same situation 15 years ago as you are in today. I was in love with this gril (my first "real love")and thought nothing would brake us up. After around 5 years of dating she finely told me that she had herpes (a little to late) . I did not care (at the time). I love this gril and we wanted to get married. Well, guess what... we broke up, I dont love her anymore and I still have herpes. If I could turn back time... I would run like hell!

Now, I am still single and can not, would not fall back in love. I would not want to give this damm virus to anyone. My family and freinds always tell me that I am a good looking guy, I should have women knocking down my door... Little do they know, I have herpes. However there are more happy herpe storys than not out there to read.

I suspect my story might offend or anger some people here. but its my story and Im sticking to it. Your story might end up the happiest one living your lives together forever. Who know you might become the next "Bready Bunch". What ever you decide, good luck to ya.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 10:59 AM   #8
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sunshineahead HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Oh and one last thing. I really think you might find comfort and relief with the support of your family. My bf has not told his family but what are family for? Don't be alone in this. You need people to lean on.


Quote:
Originally Posted by What4
I'll be honest with you, I've have had herpes for 20 years now. Living with herpes is not so bad, just having this damm visus is what kills ya. It is a life changing virus for sure. Just the word "herpes" gives you the chills. Heck, most people here dont even type the word they just type "H". Don't let anyone tell you that having herpes in not so bad. When there is a cure, that person will be the first in line. I know because I'll be there fighting for that spot!

What is love and how long does it last? That is a question you need to ask yourself. I found myself in the same situation 15 years ago as you are in today. I was in love with this gril (my first "real love")and thought nothing would brake us up. After around 5 years of dating she finely told me that she had herpes (a little to late) . I did not care (at the time). I love this gril and we wanted to get married. Well, guess what... we broke up, I dont love her anymore and I still have herpes. If I could turn back time... I would run like hell!

Now, I am still single and can not, would not fall back in love. I would not want to give this damm virus to anyone. My family and freinds always tell me that I am a good looking guy, I should have women knocking down my door... Little do they know, I have herpes. However there are more happy herpe storys than not out there to read.

I suspect my story might offend or anger some people here. but its my story and Im sticking to it. Your story might end up the happiest one living your lives together forever. Who know you might become the next "Bready Bunch". What ever you decide, good luck to ya.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 12:08 PM   #9
guesswhosback
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Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Hi Sunshinehead........

I wanted to add something to this.......if I were in your shoes...and I am going to be totally honest with you...and this guy was the best thing since....slice bread...then I would say go for it...seriously. Now, I'm going to tell you why. If you have truly found real love....don't risk losing it for something like herpes. It is so true that you don't know how your body will react to it...that's the terrible part. Other than knowing I have it.....I don't get symptoms...I had one primary...and that was the most of it.

Now the mental trauma behind it is something totally different...so no its not hardly a picnic in the park to contract it...especially not knowingly. The person that gave it to me knew they had it and for two years didn't say one word. Slept with me unprotected and all and we had even sat down in the beginning of the relationship before s*x and had the STD conversation...this man straight up lied to me.


At first I was cool...cause we were still together...but my patience with him slowly dwindled after I contrated it...I always use to say...you're going to act like that AND you gave me herpes...yeah right...so I ended things with him shortly after he gave it to me...I got engaged to a wonderful man after that....and had the conversation with him. He decided although he loved me the risk was too great...he too was like you...he didn't want to risk his own health...knowingly. WOuld I have knowingly jumped in these shoes if I had a chance....yes and no.

When you know you have a shot at preventing transmission...a huge shot....chances are you are safer with this man than anyone....u go out there and meet someone that's not as honest and get something much worse...trust me life has a way of doing things like that....so keep that in mind. You are not saying he is worth contracting herpes...you are saying he is worth the risk of possibly contracting herpes. Do you think herpes is the worst thing that can happen to you. The character of a person that tells you and allows you to make the decision speaks so much volume to me.

Its a tough call...hey look if you love this guy and you really want to be with him for the rest of you life...then follow your heart...take your time..go slow and just make sure you protect yourself....I wouldn't rule him out totally...not for this...and that's the honest truth.

 
Old 02-03-2004, 03:41 PM   #10
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sunshineahead HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Wow. Thank you for your response. What ever happened to the guy you got engaged to? Have you remarried? I'm so sorry to hear that someone lied to you. My friend has a friend (I don't know him because if I could talk to him I'd kick his booty) who has a gf of 2 years and they've had unprotected sex. He knows he's infected but she doesn't. Nice. :-( And I know what you're saying about life bringing something worse. If it wasn't this it would be something else. Thanks again and best of luck to you


Quote:
Originally Posted by guesswhosback
Hi Sunshinehead........

I wanted to add something to this.......if I were in your shoes...and I am going to be totally honest with you...and this guy was the best thing since....slice bread...then I would say go for it...seriously. Now, I'm going to tell you why. If you have truly found real love....don't risk losing it for something like herpes. It is so true that you don't know how your body will react to it...that's the terrible part. Other than knowing I have it.....I don't get symptoms...I had one primary...and that was the most of it.

Now the mental trauma behind it is something totally different...so no its not hardly a picnic in the park to contract it...especially not knowingly. The person that gave it to me knew they had it and for two years didn't say one word. Slept with me unprotected and all and we had even sat down in the beginning of the relationship before s*x and had the STD conversation...this man straight up lied to me.


At first I was cool...cause we were still together...but my patience with him slowly dwindled after I contrated it...I always use to say...you're going to act like that AND you gave me herpes...yeah right...so I ended things with him shortly after he gave it to me...I got engaged to a wonderful man after that....and had the conversation with him. He decided although he loved me the risk was too great...he too was like you...he didn't want to risk his own health...knowingly. WOuld I have knowingly jumped in these shoes if I had a chance....yes and no.

When you know you have a shot at preventing transmission...a huge shot....chances are you are safer with this man than anyone....u go out there and meet someone that's not as honest and get something much worse...trust me life has a way of doing things like that....so keep that in mind. You are not saying he is worth contracting herpes...you are saying he is worth the risk of possibly contracting herpes. Do you think herpes is the worst thing that can happen to you. The character of a person that tells you and allows you to make the decision speaks so much volume to me.

Its a tough call...hey look if you love this guy and you really want to be with him for the rest of you life...then follow your heart...take your time..go slow and just make sure you protect yourself....I wouldn't rule him out totally...not for this...and that's the honest truth.

 
Old 02-04-2004, 11:01 AM   #11
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movingrightalong HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

If I were you, I'd be more bothered by his pressuring you to make a decision than by the herpes at this point. You shouldn't feel any pressure to decide this, if he can't wait then he can go do his own thing and if things work out in the future, then they do. Either way, I think that it would be smart to hold off on any risky behavior until you get married, or at least engaged. There should be no doubt that this is the person that you want to be with. After that, well... you've read the pros and cons.
You did mention that you were concerned about divorce down the road and the predicament that it would leave you in (herpes and single/dating). Well you could just as easily bail this guy, meet the next one and marry him and get divorced as well. In my opinion, however, if you're thinking "hmmmm.... what if I marry this guy and we divorce in two years" then maybe it's either not the right guy or not the right time, herpes or not.
best wishes
movingrightalong

 
Old 02-04-2004, 12:58 PM   #12
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Ornament HB User
Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Dear Sunshine (I like the name),

I think movingrightalong summed up the whole thing for you. If there's a doubt, maybe you should wait until there isn't a doubt. I'm still living out my doubt and regretting it everyday. You can live with herpes...Don't live with doubts.....-Orn

 
Old 02-05-2004, 06:38 AM   #13
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Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

Sunshineahead, I have been in your position. I was there five years ago. First you should know I worry about my health ALL OF THE TIME so this was a biggie for me. Met the man of my dreams. Loving, honest, handsome thought it was too good to be true. I loved him from the minute I met him. Anyway he has herpes. At first I was freaked out...afraid to have sex. Afraid like you, what if I get it and we break up? He understood and was very patient with me. We used comdoms all the time and if I was afraid no sex at all. He gave me info to read and I read all I could get my hands on. We are engaged now 5 years later, getting married in March. I love him and his good qualities outweigh the herpes. If this guy is worth it work through it. You may meet a guy out there who does'nt have herpes but is a real jerk or does'nt have the wondergul qualiites your guy has. Yes there is a big risk but if your careful you may never get it. This is your life tho so you need to think about it, But it could me much worse and you might go through alot worse than this in your life with him or someone else????I don't have herpes and we're not as careful as we should be, although I do want children so I know it's possible. Think about what you have with him and what your life would be without him.Hope this helps!

 
Old 02-05-2004, 12:57 PM   #14
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Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

YES, YES, YES.

First of all I was Raped and the man who raped me had Herpies. I never knew I had it until I met the man of my dreams. I had been tested after the incident and my test came back Negative! However, after a few months of having sex with my new lover, he started with having some genital issues. He went to the Dr's and was told he had Herpes. At that time I though OMG, How, WHY. I knew he didn't cheat on me so we went back and forth with these questions. He had such a bad time with the break outs, finally he got some good drugs that helped a lot.

Well, come to find out he got Herpies from ME, OUCH! I was told I was a carrier, Thank goodness I never had unprotected sex until I met this man.
I have NEVER had a BREAK OUT EVER, But my lover has had to many to share. now he takes a pill every day and has not had a break out in over two years. I am not shy about taLking about it, I feel people need to be edgucated on this matter. I have met so many people that have it some even born with it. It does suck that it is with you for life, but there are worst things in life. If you find true love, I say go with it, BUT, Wearing condoms is not that bad either.

My Lover is now my husband of 8 years and again he hasn't had a break out in years. He always knew when a break out was coming on and that is when we would take precautions. We all should take them.

I wish you all the best! Remember what ever you decided, you have to live with it.
__________________
Wanda

 
Old 02-06-2004, 06:29 AM   #15
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Re: Would you risk herpes for love?

If I knew my boyfriend had herpes before I got to know him I would have ran as fast as I could. I admit that freely.

but, i did get to know him and like your boyfriend my bf did not know that he had it. we used protection but condoms are not 100% against herpes, depending on where the virus is present. something i learned after the fact. that i think you should know NOW.

I'm not telling you to run from your fiance, no way! the world is full of unsavory sorts and it seems you have a keeper. Besides who is to say that if you leave this man (who loves you) the next one you meet won't have it? one out of three people in the US including children have this virus. 1:3! and 80% don't know they have it. 80% of people with herpes are asymptomatic!

My symptoms for my first OB were not bad at all when i look at it. I looked at pictures too on the net and PHEW! mine were miniscule compared to that, I had one bump and one tiny rash, I thought i had a yeast infection. I believe i am having my second ob, but i had no prodrome or foreshadowing symptoms, and it was only a painless open I can't even call it a sore because i feel no pain.

for me i can honestly say that knowledge that i have HSV-II is worse than having it. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, angry, sad. the whole thing.

I can't tell you to stay with your fiance or to leave, you do bring up very valid points for leaving, and you also bring up valid points for staying. Moonunit said it best, and I too have read happy couples and it did help me a grat deal. not that i was leaving my bf any way he is still the most wonderful man i have ever met. you know we've been together almost a year and he still opens the door for me, ALWAYS! it is the little things that make the BIG difference. so like i said, had i just met him and not gotten the chance to know him YES i would have ran like FloJo but after getting to know him and falling in love with him, I'm not going any where. and if you are worried about break ups thats not the end of the world either. there are dating services out there for people who are infected, and you don't have to take that rout if you don't want to. Many of the members on this health board are in happy healthy relationships with negative people who love them any way. and there is a very good chance you won't get infected.

this is just my comment, I hope this helps a little.

 
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