Telling others - Herpes Message Board

CazzerKat217 · 03-23-2004, 11:41 PM

Ok, I just told my first potential sexual partner since i contracted herpes that i have it... it was really hard! Does it get easier over time? Did you all have the hardest time the first time, but it got easier? I'm just curious. I mean, I've told people I have it... but just telling the person in the situation was really hard... I dunno. Was just curious for your input

Thanks!

positiveone · 03-24-2004, 10:09 AM

What did the person say when you disclosed the information?? For me it was easier over time...the first person I told was such an a$$ about it...the next time I told I took the "Look I Got this..so what do you want to do approach" This person was understanding and basically didn't even get bothered by it.

CazzerKat217 · 03-24-2004, 11:56 AM

he was really cool about it, and really sympathetic. we aren't going to have any sexual relations due to it, but thats fine with me.

One_in_Four · 03-24-2004, 01:49 PM

For me, I've had to break the news with two potential lovers. They both learned more about herpes and they decided that I was worth the risk and didn't have a problem with it. Believe me, it doesn't get any easier!

Currently I'm seeing a terrific guy who doesn't have herpes and he loves everything about me. We have been having "relations" for about 6 months and we are talking about making a commitment soon. Oh by the way, we have a glorious s*x life and are intimate in many ways!

I think there is a compassionate way of letting your potential partner know about your condition before you both go to the next step in your relationship. Coming on gang busters hasn't worked for me but making my potential partner my number one priority in educating him and letting him not get hurt by contracting herpes ... making him know that you are looking out for him ... he can then trust you and going to the next step is easier for him. If it's only a "one night stand" for him anyway, then you will know right away!

Hope this helped!

positiveone · 03-24-2004, 02:18 PM

LOL...coming on gang busters...yeah that's funny...if you want to call it that.

The first time I told someone it was REALLY hard for me to tell the person. I had known them for a very long time...and he had proclaimed this never dying love for me. I hadn't told anyone and knew I needed to tell this guy. I NEVER ever had s*x with him nor did I come close to it. When it came time to fess up. I called him told him and waited for a response. I told him everything the doctor told me. The guy basically did everything short of telling me to drop dead for dating him for 3 months and letting him propose and blah blah blah..he basically said yeah I want you but not with that cause you are damaged goods. My ego, heart, emotions, etc were shattered...which lead me to this board several months ago. After that...yes I took the approach of placing my own feelings first when I told someone. If I were decent enough to disclose the information the least someone could do is be mature about the way they receive it.

I later met a great guy...told him in my gang buster way. He accepted it and here we are. My approach the second time worked for me because I had conditioned my mind to say look it ain't that serious...so if he runs then cool...so when I presented it to him..I presented it in the same manner. No I didn't say here it is bam what are you going to do..but I was very matter of fact about it and I let him know I was cool with whatever he decided...he actually told me he liked the way I told him..it didn't scare him cause I wasn't scared myself.