I'm begining to think the real "curse" of herpes is this. You feel fine, you feel great, everything's going well, your libido is the last thing on your mind, then one day your libido gets a giant shove into overdrive and its all you can think about, it makes you nuts and more than anything you know beyond a shadow of a doubt, exactly what you need and just when you think it might be possible BAM outbreak central LOL now the whole time your outbreak is going on your libido is out of control, and thats when this whole H thing really drives you nuts.
I can remember back when i didn't have this i'd whine and complain like a little wuss cause it had been a week or two weeks or even a month since "anything happened" or my girlfriend would get her monthly visit from aunt flo and darn it wouldn't you just know it, that'd be right about the time my libido would go out of control.
Reminds of me the whole adam and eve thing, God puts them in the garden and says you can have every tree but "this one". dammit, didn't even want it till you told me i couldn't have it. LOL
Now it's been three months since i got this. who knew anyone could go that long without "any" without going insane. I'm supposed to be enjoying this? to not stress out about it? what a laugh that is, it's like being an alcoholic and someone drinking right in front of you, breathing on you, smelling that booze and you want it so badly, just one drink, but Nooooooo that would be far too risky, and irresponsible. Sure i could be a jerk, i could be the biggest selfish person on the planet and go, hey this woman doesn't know me, she doesn't know i have this, i'm not broken out.
Maybe i'll never see her or talk to her again? But then i'd have to live with the guilt and Karma catching up to me, the responsibility of knowing that i possibly infected someone else with this, this..."curse". I know i've had people tell me they're not afraid, but i would be, if i was them, knowing what i know now, living how i'm living now. I'd be very, very afraid and my novelist brain just keeps thinking about how only if i could build a time machine and travel back and prevent myself from getting this. Amazing the things your mind can do to try and keep you sane. LOL
Then of course your hear all the catch phrases that are supposed to make you feel better, oh don't worry you'll meet someone who'll love you so much they won't care(not in my wildest dreams), or maybe you'll meet someone who has it too(yeah right). I had a hard enough time with relationships when i didn't have this and now they're supposed to be just as easy? I don't think so. let us not forget that beautiful moment when you both say i love you and want to take things further and you have to TELL the other person you have this curse, oh what a JOY that's gonna be...
Someone want to tell me how anything happy is possible? when the woman you almost married, not once, not twice, but three times, the woman your closest to in the world who "supposedly" loves you and even breaks down into tears when she says it. Can't bring herself to sleep with you because of the slight chance of the "risk" involved, then how on earth is anyone else ever going to?
Makes ya think though....at least i know i can live with one thing. I'll never be one of those guys that some women talk about on here, that they hate so much for giving them Herpes without telling them, at least i respect women enough and respect myself enough not to lower myself to that level for the sake of a good time. (and believe me it has crossed my mind) Especially since i'll be going on a little 16 day trip in May out of state LOL
Now all i have to console me is this board and the wonderful people here living with this just like me and the memories of mind blowing, worm hole opening, out of this world, cosmic, unadulterated, passionate, sensual, erotic, watch her pass out on the bed for thirty minutes s*x i used to have, before i got this, being careful and all. The next time my gut instinct tells me something and i get those wierd vibes you can bet i'll listen. The one time i didn't it cost me big time and i ended up with Herpes. joy rapture oh how fun lol and why exactly is that woman in the herpes commercial having so much fun???? She just seems to be having SUCH a wonderful time (false advertising at it's best) and look she's got a guy too, wonder if she's told him yet? lol
Last edited by serialnovelist; 04-06-2004 at 03:22 PM.
Ha! Why did they have to have a woman be the one with herpes in the commercial??? LOL! Take everything you said and take the words and thoughts out of my mouth. You are the male version of me. I met another man after my fiancee ( who I suspected was cheating ) but told me I was his love, his life and soulmate...just a little thin he forgot to tell me - he had herpes! Then he dumped me. Wow lucky one I am, herpes/betryal/now damaged for good. And 2 weeks later he was having unprotected sex with another unsuspecting girl. But, I have met a new man, told him the truth, and I began that conversation by talking about oral cold sores and finally I told him I had been exposed to the herpes virus. He accepted me...so after 2 months we went away last week together and it happend! On the aircraft I got that feeling and I am on Famvir...still I know " that feeling". And by the next day I have a full outbreak. Wasted our beautiful holiday because I was SO NOT that woman in the Valtrex commercial. I was the girl who loved passionately, trusted too much and now have to deal with situations that just happend to me. I made every excuse in the world not to make love because I am terrified of Viral Shedidng. So we had a huggie weekend. I dont blame him if he dumps me, but there are some good partners who will take the risk and stay. And for the girls who posted asking if they should tell. My answer to you is YES, it is your obligation to tell, I will never forget the one who never told me.
hey serial...youve got 2 choice. 1) Subscribe to some good porn sites...or 2) Dont have any sex whatsoever for a while (including masturbation), it will be hard, but eventually you will "get used to it" and stop getting the urges for the most part
Besides, next time your libido goes crazy...just start thinking about how nasty your first outbreak was and how it was sex that got you into this mess in the first place... that pretty much kills the mood for me anyway. You sound like a cool guy...good luck!
Well i wont even BS you with the "Everything's going to be ok" and "there's someone for everyone" crap that im sure other posters will put. I will however say that you are DEFINATELY not the only one struggling to come to terms with this. They say guys think about sex like every 8 seconds or something like that right? Well for me its hard to think about sex when i never STOP thinking about sex. So i dont think i have that normal 8 second interval break like most fellas, this is my curse. The only time i get terribly depressed about this is during an outbreak, and its so contradictory for people to say not to stress when THIS is whats making me stress.
I use to think a couple weeks with out sex was a curse. Now ive been FORCED to go a few months and ive finally gotten to a point where i dont break down in tears if i think about my situation for an extended period of time. Even though i do get really depressed then i start panicing because i know depression and stress can trigger it so i spend the rest of my time trying to cheer myself up, which makes me feel stupid, thus sending me right back into that cycle. I hear that you learn to cope better with it as time goes by which i hope is true.
Any ways, as yall probably know from my post that i do have a girl, which is a catch-22. She's willing to do stuff with me but IM the one scared to do anything with her. I dont want to give this to her and i dont have enough money to be on supersive therapy. I ended up doing something with the girl i possibily gave or caught this from after like a 3 month interval that i swear almost killed me, hypothetically speaking of course. I also go through the angel on one shoulder vs the devil on the other, on rather or not i should just be a jerk and sleep with some girl i might not see again and whatever happens to her is just her dumb luck. HOWEVER, my stupid moralistic christian values of a conscience wont let me do it. And honestly i cannot understand for the life of me how the girl i got it from was able to do it to me. I dont see how someone could just knowingly expose me to a life long disease like this, but i guess there's nothing i can do about that now.
HONESTLY, i dont know if this makes any sense because i just realized that ive been rambling but i did wanna show you that you're definately not going through this alone. And you're not the only one to entertain thoughts of recklessness endangerment among the opposite sex in the ultimate pursuit of THE CLIMAX <--- said in a dramatic voice. I consider myself lucky, in the fact that ive been able to find a nice support group among this board, a few select family members, and my girl friend. As I say at the conclusion of most of my post, i wish you and everyone the best in your pursuit of happiness with this mostly mentally ravaging disease.
As for myself...Im off to pop some benadryl and watch "adult tales of the sexually afluent." SPEAKING OF WHICH, sorry this just came to mind, how come those people have 1000 partners a year and nothing ever happens to them? AND like many of our other fellow posters i saw that dave chapelle skit, which 4 months ago im sure i would have laughed at until my stomach muscles ached. UNFORTUNATELY, all i could do at the time was look around the crowded room of my joyous friends and try to do the math of 17% of America...i guess...
LOL! Great post! I too have had to struggle to avoid certain urges. Like driving by decrepit looking crack *****s on the street, I start to think that that’s the best deal I can hope for. How’s that for hopelessness? Ahhhhh, the human sex drive. There’s no running from it, it’s so primal, a force stronger than any human willpower. It’s the driving force of all life, evolution, and the reason behind our overpopulation – which will be our destruction! So, don’t ever think that sex is not powerful! Lol. Sex messes us all up from the time we are children, in one way or another. For 1000s of years, establishment has tried to repress our sexuality, but it can’t be done. It’s like trying to plug a high pressure relief valve, SOMETHING’S gonna blow! Sex is a need, but they have tried to tell us it’s a want – and a selfish one at that. As a man, I feel the incredible drive every time I see a woman – something primitive inside just grunts “Woman! Woooman! Ooooooman! ” as these age old forces pump through my physiology.
Because of religious and government repression, human sexuality is a source of much suffering. We deny that our children even have sexuality, and parents totally neglect the most important part of parenting. I was a child once, I remember the drive being much the same then as it is now – as far back as I can remember. This is where the pressure of repression builds, and when the hormones release during adolescence, look the hell out! That high pressure relief valve is 100% guaranteed to blow!
Having herpes sucks, no doubt. But, we can decide to do our best, or we can be victims forever. I’m currently in the “liking” stage with a girl now, and I’m dreading the thought of telling her. I haven’t had sex since I got H, about 2 years ago – and, trust me, I’m way past insanity! But, sex is more than just the physical release, for me, anyway. I’ve never had sex with anyone without emotional involvement, it would just feel “dead” to me (That rules out the crack *****s, lol!). So, if sex is a possibility with this girl, we will be close enough by that time so that there is an emotional bond, and her decision will be based more on the kind of person I am rather than about the sex issue. I am a good person, and I have a lot of love to give, and I feel sorry for the girls that will pass me up! That’s the attitude we must have. Herpes can destroy our self-esteem, and that’s the worst thing about it. Like Serial Novelist says, it would be no problem if it wasn’t contagious. The feeling that touching someone we love could give them this awful affliction – kind of like “Rogue” from X-MEN, lol! I have had those moments, too, where I try to justify having sex without telling. I think to myself, “I’ve been OB free for awhile, she won’t get it”. But, then I would be no better than my ex who gave it to me.
But, it doesn’t have to ruin your self worth. Any girl that loves me will take the risk, and if she gets it – then we both have it. Now, there’s no worry and stress of passing it on, and 2 people that love each other are together. If you’re a person that has looked for just sex in the past, now you have to change your game because of H. Sex will not happen without some kind of bond, and really that’s the way it should be anyway. It’s a difficult process, but instead of digging your grave, you focus on the goal, and you do what you have to in order to achieve it. Or, you let H win.
Thanks all for the replies i've enjoyed them. Worried i got things covered it's just difficult because all my friends are females and one female in particular who is my best friend in the whole world is so dam fine and has the most amazing body that just spending time with her is torture. For instance before i got this H thing we used to go down to her pool in her housing complex and swim and jacuzzi, course the chlorine would dry out your skin something fierce so we'd go back to her place and shower together. talk about TORTURE LOL.
Burned, there was a post back awhile ago that said someone read a interview with Ron Jeremey and he said Herpes was just part of the job. You don't HEAR about that stuff cause it would hurt the industry. I'm sure there are a lot of sexualy affluent people who have this or something worse. You have to remember those people get tested every six months for everything and it's a close knit group, they date each other even in thier off hours, since how do you explain to someone outside the industry what you do for a living that you want to have a relationship with?
I still believe i might not have this if it hadn't been for broken skin and a annoying condom that i willingly took off, because it was getting on my nerves and ruining the moment LOL i loved the girl i was with and she loved me so it was worth it at the time.
Looking back in retrospect, hardly worth it at all. They need to invent a pill that without damage can lower your sex drive and libido and "needful, lustful wants" LOL
you guys sound pretty cool yourselves, thanks for replying and i loved your reply too OhCanada.
Last edited by serialnovelist; 04-10-2004 at 12:56 PM.