I don't have all the answers for you as I don't have herpes but my husband does. He has had it for over 40 years(since college). Back then it was all new and pretty scarey!
Anyway because we are trying to have a baby, he has been taking valtrex as supressive therapy to cut back on risk of transmission to me, but as far as because of outs breaks, he rarely ever gets them. When I talked to someone at the Herpes hotline a while back, she said he probably is not shedding at all or very, very little. She also said the shedding is the worst the first year you have the virus. So if your not having out breaks, you probably are not shedding the virus very much at all.
We have not been using condoms, but we try to be careful especially because of me trying to get pregnant. He takes the valtrex and with a few ideas from backpacker (like washing right after sex) we have been okay. But then again like a said it is very rare anymore for him to get an outbreak. Hope this helps! Good luck.
I also wanted to note, the lady from the herpes hotline said MOST people do not get herpes from shedding but from someone who is having an outbreak but the outbreak is so minor that the person does not know that they are having an outbreak. That makes more sense to me than a person getting herpes from someone without symptoms, don't you think?