sooooooooooo scared - Herpes Message Board

ImASadGirl22 · 08-13-2004, 10:15 PM

I recently went to the dr a few days ago bc 3x in the past few months i noticed that i was bleeding after having sex. when i went she asked me if i have ever had herpes bc she found a blister on my cervix. I go to the dr every 6 months for a gyn check up and got a full physical in feb and was tested and did not have it. She told me that she is 99.9% positive thats what it is but i dont have outbreaks anywhere else. I was supposed to get my test results back today but apparently the lab wasnt done. Im so scared. I have been sooo sick to my stomach and just have been crying non stop. I just dont see how I can live a normal life if i do have it. who will ever want to be with me?? how will i ever have kids since to have kids I would pretty much need to infect my future husband (im not married or engaged, im just talking about the future). i was told by someone that u can only infect someone else when you have an outbreak.. but if thats what it is, i will never know when im having an outbreak bc of where it is. i told my ex bf - who i have been on and off with for 8 years, and he said that hes fine and that my problem is not his problem so i must have gotten it somewhere else. im so ashamed of myself but i have never slept around. i am so disgusted. im praying to god that the dr is wrong. i just want to live a normal life. i want to be able to have kids and get married. but who is ever going to accept me with this?? im so scared. :cry:

backpacker · 08-14-2004, 12:01 AM

Sadgirl--don't be so sad. We have all had to deal with this, and each one of us has gone from being scared to being educated to being relieved that our lives do seem to go on as normal, and we do find partners who love us.

I have had several partners since i found out I have h. I have been with my soulmate, who does not have it, for almost 13 years. None of these men cared too much about herpes, beyond learning how to protect themselves. Don't worry about finding someone to love. If a guy rejects you because of herpes, he was not the guy for you anyway, and would have ended up making you miserable.

I have also had two children since I found out. Don't worry about that either. You have lots of time to learn everything you need to know about it.

Right now, just read lots on this board. And start with the "Happy Couples" thread that I am going to bump up for you.

Finally, you have no reason to feel ashamed if you do have herpes. You may as well feel ashamed for having a cold. This is just a very common disease, and many people don't know they have it at all for years and years. Even your boyfriend may have it and not know it.

I hope you don't have it because it is very inconvenient. But if you do, try to realize that once you learn all you can about it, you'll see that you can have a very happy, healthy, normal life. And you won't necessarily pass it on.

Take it easy! (Easier said than done when waiting for test results, I know.)

ImASadGirl22 · 08-14-2004, 05:00 PM

thanks for the response. i keep reading everyones posts on here about various subjects and i guess i feel a little better. i am still very upset though. my ex - who had to have given it to me, if in fact thats what it is, wont talk to me at all. its been 4 days since i went to the dr and told him thats what she thought and wont take my calls or anything. we have been on and off for 8 years and i am so upset with him yet i feel like i dont want to lose him either. does that even make any sense?? i told 3 people, all of who say that if i do in fact have it that i need to stay away from him and if i dont they dont want to talk to me.. (great, lets just put some more stress on me!!!). part of me feels like ok well if this is what it is, i def had to get it from him and that if we both have it, why not make it work. but he just wont even talk to me. i even tried to tell him that the dr said 1 in 5 people have it and that a lot of those people dont even knwo they have it, for various reasons.
ugh........ is it possible the dr is wrong?!?! does anyone else have it on their cervix? i dont get how i could have it there and no where else... unless i do and i just didnt realize thats what it was?

im sorry for rambling.... i just need people that understand what im going through at the moment.... bc this is just soo hard!

backpacker · 08-14-2004, 08:33 PM

Well...I don't know him at all, but it seems that when the chips are down for you, he isn't there to give you emotional support after all these years. That's a good indication of what you would have to bear if both of you did try to work out the relationship. There are a lot of hard times in life--believe it or not they are a lot harder than what you are going through now--and you need a partner that will help you through them. Whether herpes is involved or not. Just something to think about. You, of course, know a lot more about the situation than I do.

The dr is not wrong, and other people have it on the cervix, but many might not know it.

I'm sorry this is so hard. I can't say much except we all feel for you, and have felt the same despair and fear and disappointment. You will get through it. Peace.

Brigette · 08-15-2004, 06:14 AM

You may want to visit ****.com where there is a plethora of information and others that have been living with Herpes for what seems like forever along with those such as yourself who have been newly diagnosed. It is not the end of the world. Remember that. You will have more support than you dreamed existed and will see that Herpes does not define you. You will not need luck, just information.