Is it possible thatI have defied all odds? - Herpes Message Board

sad2beH+ · 10-30-2004, 06:13 PM

For those who have read my prior posts, apology for repetition. Let me tell my sad tale of woe. Have had H1 for 5.5 months. Got it orally and genitally at same time from an 'assualt'. I have active outbreaks EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have genital streaks that are white surrounded by very red areas, pimples that come and go, and oral burning and swelling. I have had these areas cultured, so I KNOW they are not something else. I tested IgM + after the first month. I have seen every Dr in the book. I can't take meds - I have allergic rashes. I have started and stopped Valtrex 4 times trying. Even lysine gives me a rash. I eat right, dont drink, dont smoke. The burning in my butt, down my legs and in my privates gets unbearable. I have not have ONE day free from this hell. I have cried day and night since May. One time I cried so hard I puked. I have seen a primary, a gyno, 2 infectious diasease specialists and urologist. Every one told me thatthere is NOTHING they cando but try meds, which i can't tolerate. The 2nd Infec disease doc said "it's not possible to have an active outbreak EVERY SINGLE DAY" He basically called me a liar. I almost dropped my drawers right there to prove a point. What am I going to do? The physical and emotional pain is too much for me to handle, and there are NO signs that this is relenting. Ihave nowhere to turn. There is no cure, no symptom relief, and thus, no hope. Every day I sit and try to figure out how I can just end thepain without hurting my kids. I don't want to be here any more..it hurts way too much. I have no interest in talking toa therapist. He/she is not going to make the severe burning in my butt and genitals go away. I am so angry I could spit nails. I only get one life, and this is the **** I get dealt? I don't see any options left. As I type, the pain down my leg feels like someone has lit me on fire. After 5.5 months, I would rather burn to death from the pain and have it be over with. Whoever said this was just a skin rash hasn't walked in my shoes. Someone..anyone...please help..

raige722 · 10-30-2004, 09:37 PM

Hello,
My name is Heather...first of all I really want to say that I am very sorry that all of this happened to you. I too have HS genital... I don't have any medication advice but I do know that Herpes can cometimes be set on by stress. I used to get outbreaks constantly like you....I haven't had an outbreak for almost three years now. I have recently been TTC for 6 months with no luck and finally the stress got to me and I got my first outbreak in 3 years. I know that it is hard not to think about it but try to relax and try not to think about it and MAYBE things might get a little better. I will be praying for you. Please keep me posted.

Jaclynann · 10-31-2004, 03:44 AM

I agree with Heather..... If I'm stressed - I get an outbreak!
You have every right to be very angry! You have every right to be hurt! When you were assaulted, he took a lot away from you. The way I look at it is (and this is from personal experience) by not going to therapy and getting all this crap out (which in turn is causing you physical and emotional pain) He wins! He has total control of you - STILL. He has destroyed you and is making you suffer every day. You can get up every day and choose to let him win or you can do something about it..... He can get you down for a little while - but can he OWN you?
You can fight back!! You can be a survivor NOT a victim! You have a lot of justifiable anger. Use it! Get better in spite of him! Show him he may have been able to hurt you for a little while but your'e much stronger than that! Are you going to let him take your kids mother! Are you going to let him victimize THEM too?!?!?! No one can replace their mom. You've been through a lot and you need support. Please find someone to talk to. You deserve so much better. Take care of yourself and your babies. God Bless.

backpacker · 10-31-2004, 08:25 AM

The thing you must remember is that you can't do away with yourself and not hurt your kids. Nope. And you would be hurting them for the rest of their lives in the worst way, and they would be much more likely to commit suicide themselves later in life. It's hard not to think of that as an alternative, but you must not; if not for yourself, then for the dire affects it certainly would have on them.

Therapy, for the reasons mentioned above by Jaclynann and raige, would help with the emotional side; the emotional side is huge with herpes. I have had it for about 15 years and can tell you that having a bad argument with my son can bring on an ob when I've been doing everything else right.

As for pain relief, what have you tried from previous suggestions? Does anything (like aloe or garlic oil) help at all, even a little bit?

Also, I had a bacterial vaginal infection that nobody diagnosed for a while and sounds similar to your symptoms, and lasted months. It is possible to have herpes and to have another kind of infection on top of it. How many times have they cultured your symptoms to make sure that herpes is constantly present, and that something else isn't?

sad2beH+ · 10-31-2004, 03:48 PM

Ladies,

Thank you for your posts. My emotional trauma is not just from what has happened, but the fact that I have symptoms every day. They have only bee cultured once, but the symptoms are identical and in the exact same spot. How is it possible to have an oral outbreak every single day? The spot that burns is the one I had cultured - sure enough came back HSV1. The streaks down below will go away only to come back hours later or the next day. I have had a gyn. exam since all of this (I have had several). No infection. Just herpes. I can't live a life as a leper. I was out with some friends last night and my friend said "taste this" and handed me her drink. I declined - she persisted. I finally said I had a sore throat. This is a minor incident, but I can't have any intimate life either. NONE. Can't kiss anyone. Certainly can't let anyone touch me. I can make this sacrifice if I know that this will go away soon, but it shows no sign of stopping. How can a therapist take away my pain and anger if I have lost my intimacy? Isn't that what life is about? Having a connection with someone who is your soulmate? Being able to kiss your kids goodnight? Being able to share a piece of cake in a restaurant for dessert? Not to mention the physical pain. I use peroxide to lessen the burning, but I can't take much orally. I can't accept this hell. It has been almost 6 months, and the fact that it has not gotten any better makes me emotionally WORSE. I don't think I could ever hurt my kids, but why should I have to live in this hell? There has tobe someone else out there that have active OB's every day for at least some extended period of time? Can I really be the only one? Maybe I should play the lottery...