I've been with the same man for 9 years. 3 months ago I tested + for HSV2. I've been faithful, he claims so. He won't get tested. The faithful issue for me is a non-issue. I don't waste energy on something I cannot change. So after a night of reading messages here I felt rather good about life aside from the 5 minutes after 1st finding out. I even thought this is a great oppurtunity to teach my soon to be dating daughter about how real STD's are, without shame. The strange thing is, my 9 yr long boyfriend has flipped his lid about this and is referring it as" your little problem". I mean,I didn't even cry when I found out at first, and now I'm being rejected by the one who I'm quite sure exposed me, and I didn't even give it a second thought. It took me all of 5 minutes to be armed with knowledge and I was like "ok,I can handle this" but man, to have been rejected by someone who loved me?! That hurt!
I'd be crushed if the person i believed passed it on to me referred to it as "your little problem". As you know, you could have picked up the herpes off another partner entirely and have carried it for all those years without and ob's, as for some reason physical symptoms can lay dormant for years on some people. The symptoms can also be so very, very mild that most people think it's something other than herpes. Here in Australia, we had a new type of advert for herpes stating that the symptoms could be close to that of a yeast infection so many women think it's that instead of herpes.
On the other hand, your partner not willing to understand, could cause a rift within your relationship. The fact he doesn't want to get tested is a bit suspicious to me personally and also, wouldn't he want to know if he is positive so that he can educate himself and prepare himself for the future? Also, i hate to say this, but if your relationship were to end, wouldn't he want to know so that he could inform a future partner?
I feel he is likely just burying his head in the stand. Maybe leave it be for the moment so as to give him some space, but sooner or later he must realise that as partners you will want to discuss things with him. He should realise that it's not about the "blame game", but about now educating yourselves and getting him tested so he knows where he stands and then getting on with your lives.
This may be something you want to put into your partners ears. Assuming the two of you have had unprotected sex during this 9yr period. There is a VERY HIGH chance that he has already contracted the virus as well. Have you told him this? As soon as I found out my doctor thought I had contracted it, she told me "we believe since you have it, that there is already a good chance your b/f as it as well" And he is more then willing to get tested to see if he has it. He hasnt yet because he is waiting to get set up on insurance at his work.
So he shouldnt be calling it your little problem, because really for 1. it's not a serious problem, and 2. he may be sharing this "problem/issue" with you whether he wants to believe it or not!
He needs to become educated as much as you, and if he's still not willing to get tested then to bad for him. But you may want to let him know it would only benefit the two of you, knowing he has it can mean you two can continue on w/your 'normal' sex life and not alter it due to your news.
Good luck with you man, it's unfortunate he is being this way!