Re: I must be crazy.....
I'd be crushed if the person i believed passed it on to me referred to it as "your little problem". As you know, you could have picked up the herpes off another partner entirely and have carried it for all those years without and ob's, as for some reason physical symptoms can lay dormant for years on some people. The symptoms can also be so very, very mild that most people think it's something other than herpes. Here in Australia, we had a new type of advert for herpes stating that the symptoms could be close to that of a yeast infection so many women think it's that instead of herpes.
On the other hand, your partner not willing to understand, could cause a rift within your relationship. The fact he doesn't want to get tested is a bit suspicious to me personally and also, wouldn't he want to know if he is positive so that he can educate himself and prepare himself for the future? Also, i hate to say this, but if your relationship were to end, wouldn't he want to know so that he could inform a future partner?
I feel he is likely just burying his head in the stand. Maybe leave it be for the moment so as to give him some space, but sooner or later he must realise that as partners you will want to discuss things with him. He should realise that it's not about the "blame game", but about now educating yourselves and getting him tested so he knows where he stands and then getting on with your lives.