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Old 03-15-2005, 03:50 PM   #1
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Partners without H

I disclosed the H factor to my BF of 2 months. (he was asking me out for 3 years) It did not take well with him..it was awful. This was my first time telling a potential partner and it was bad...bad...bad! 3 days of teaching and talking. It wasn't getting any better. I let it rest to give it time to sink in. We went 1 day without talking and I thought for sure it was over. The following morning he called me at 5am to tell me he loved me and that everything will be ok. So my question is.. for the people with partners without H, are there times when they freakout a bit about sex, knowing it could be transmitted? Or does it just become part of the routine? Do you ever see they feel anxious about it?

 
Old 03-15-2005, 05:53 PM   #2
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Re: Partners without H

I think it just depends on the person. My soulmate never has freaked out about it. When I think I may be getting a sore, I tell him as soon as possible, so that he doesn't start planning sex, only to be disappointed. He always responds as if I were the only one needing sympathy: "I'm sorry you have to go through that." Never complains about not being able to have sex. He also keeps the focus of our relationship on the love we feel for each other, each of us as a unique individual who cannot be replaced merely by getting a different partner. There are many people out there with that wonderful attitude. If you are not treated with such love, and your partner at some point makes you feel like secondhand goods, then it is time to search for the real thing. Luckily, your guy sounds as if he's come to terms with the h and can deal with it.

 
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Old 03-16-2005, 10:21 AM   #3
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Re: Partners without H

Quote:
Originally Posted by JDgirl
I disclosed the H factor to my BF of 2 months. (he was asking me out for 3 years) It did not take well with him..it was awful. This was my first time telling a potential partner and it was bad...bad...bad! 3 days of teaching and talking. It wasn't getting any better. I let it rest to give it time to sink in. We went 1 day without talking and I thought for sure it was over. The following morning he called me at 5am to tell me he loved me and that everything will be ok. So my question is.. for the people with partners without H, are there times when they freakout a bit about sex, knowing it could be transmitted? Or does it just become part of the routine? Do you ever see they feel anxious about it?
Pretending you didn't have herpes but know what it is like, wouldn't you freak out a little bit if you were having sex with someone who was infected? Obviously it will probably take some time for him to get comfortable having sex with you. The best thing you can do is take all the precautions you can...like condoms, suppressive therapy, dental dams for oral sex, maybe let him wear his boxers during sex, and MAKING SURE you are not having any symptoms whatsoever anytime you have sex, etc.

Good luck.

 
Old 03-16-2005, 04:22 PM   #4
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Re: Partners without H

I think there is a difference between telling somebody new where there is no previous relationship history with this person and telling somebody you do have a prior history with.

My case was that i had been with my partner for quite a long while and then suddenly he got a tiny ob and he then told me. He said that prior to that he had forgotten all about herpes as he'd not had an ob in 10 years. I was a bit shocked and did think momentarily, how could you forget something like that? Anyway, as we had a lengthy time behind us and a history, i was ready to catch herpes if it so happened as i couldn't imagine life without this person. It was just a case of loving this person so much and willing to take the risks, especially as herpes wasn't going to kill me if i caught it. If he had been a near stranger/someone i'd recently met i might have been more hesitant and unsure of myself, especially as i was uneducated regarding herpes.

 
Old 03-16-2005, 04:58 PM   #5
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Re: Partners without H

Quote:
Originally Posted by unlucky_guy
Pretending you didn't have herpes but know what it is like, wouldn't you freak out a little bit if you were having sex with someone who was infected?
I am not sure if they are having sex, I got the impression the original poster has told him before they got to that stage.

 
Old 03-16-2005, 08:13 PM   #6
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Re: Partners without H

Quote:
Originally Posted by beaker24
I am not sure if they are having sex, I got the impression the original poster has told him before they got to that stage.

Correct, I told him because we are heading that way. He needs to know, and make his decision about continuing with me or not. Boy, if we could have all been able to choose hey?

 
Old 03-17-2005, 10:10 PM   #7
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I dont have herpes but my partner does

When I first found out I was definately a little freaked out about it. At the moment my boyfriend and I are both at very transitory stages of our lives (he'll graduate in May and I'll graduate in December from college). We're not sure where life is going to take either one of us or how long we'll be a couple. Knowing that he and I might not last for the moment we've decided to post-pone sex.

It can be frustrating at times, but we both agree that since this may only last a few months its not worth the risk. He's not comfortable with the idea that he may give it to me and while at times I feel ready to risk it, stepping back I know that in the long-term it may not be worth it. However, I think, if we were to end up being long-term I would go into expecting to get it and knowing that was just part of the package deal but I'd be ok with it.

Although I'm near an area with the herpes vaccine for those women without type 1 or 2. I'm currently in the process of talking to the doctor to see if we can work out an arrangement to come on Saturdays (since I'm out of town) to see if I can take part in it. I'm hoping that this can happen.

If nothing else this experience has been very eye opening and I'm glad I chose to be this guy and didn't freak out to the point of breaking it off.

 
Old 03-19-2005, 06:23 PM   #8
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Re: Partners without H

Pazzesco, what a lovely post. I recall you posting a little while back when you found out he had herpes. It's so lovely to read about someone who is willing to learn about herpes and the fact you are sticking by this guy. I realise it's frustrating for both of you, but it must also uplift him b/c you didn't run a mile. It's also sensible to hold back from sex if you aren't certain of a future together as you are both so young. It's hard on you too b/c you really do like this guy and it must seem like a torment, meeting him, yet having to decide on the herpes issue. As frustrating as it is, the lessons you have learnt are invaluable. More valuable than anything sex education in school has taught anybody. Actually, i think instead of teaching kids about stds, schools should get the kids to have a read of these boards!!

All in all, there is a way of going about this situation and the way it's handled can make things so much smoother, whether the person ends up staying with you or not. When someone is willing to at least learn something about herpes, rather than treating you like a lepper is always appreciated.

 
Old 03-30-2005, 10:10 PM   #9
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Re: Partners without H

I told my boyfriend i had h the first day i met him. We have a healthy sex life even tho i have it and he doesnt. he has never freaked or worried about it, it seems like i worry about it more then him he always tell me everything is alright. he never scared to have sex. we have been together for a year this month and are happy

 
Old 03-31-2005, 07:32 AM   #10
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Re: Partners without H

I just found out I had herpes two days ago and I was so sure my boyfriend of three months was going to leave me but thankfully he said he is not.

I asked him the other day when we were on our way to my house if he was worried about getting it and he said a little but if we were to stay together and get married he would eventually get it anyways.

I truthfully think he is worried, I mean how could somone not be? I know I would be freaking out in his situation. Maybe he is just acting not worried because he is a man. We all know how men are. They act all big ,tough and brave even though thier scared out of thier minds.

 
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