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Old 03-21-2005, 03:56 PM   #1
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virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

hi, newbie here. my virgin 15 yr old daughter was recently diagnosed with genital herpes (type 1, i assume). i believe her when she claims it was thru oral sex with her current boyfriend (i did not at first, of course). it has been several months now. she has had 2 ob since the initial ob, not near as bad as the initial. it just breaks my heart that she has to go thru this, and at such a young age, and she hasn't even had "sex" yet... she seems to be handling it much better than i, but i think it is because she has no concept of how cruel this world can be.....any advice to a very sad mother.

 
Old 03-21-2005, 05:29 PM   #2
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

If she got herpes through oral sex then it is likely to be type 1, although that is not for definite. On the bright side, if it is type 1, she simply has what at least 40% (some studies suggest higher) of the population have on their mouths in a "worse" place... in fact, one way of looking at it is that it is not worse. She should suffer less with type 1 genitally than either those with type 2 genitally or even type 1 orally, the statistics suggest (of course, some people don't fit the picture).

I got genital type 1 after having had oral type 1 for years. I had problems in the early months where I was having one long outbreak or perhaps it was like 3 running into each other. I also had increased sensitivity in the area for a while and some neuralgic pain in my legs.

I got genital type 1 in August 2003 and have not had an outbreak since early October 2003 (the end of my giant OB or the last of the 3!). The pain in my legs has died down. I generally feel much in better shape than when first diagnosed.

The first OB is usually the worst - not true for everyone, but it will be true for most people. I have tried to be philosophical about the type 1 - it's something I already had on my mouth, and now I have it somewhere else (I too got it from oral sex) - well, so I will deal with that. Some webpages I read suggest people have one genital type 1 outbreak and never any more, but I have read also of quite a few people having had my experience - OBs for the first few months before it dies down. I hope that that your daughter will find that with a bit of time, the OBs die down considerably.

Good luck - it's great that your daughter has you there to talk to about this and care for her, there are a lot of people on these boards who are very frightened about their herpes status (or possible herpes status) and don't know where to turn, but it seems like your daughter has support. I think all I can say is: the word "herpes" is very scary but the truth is the virus is pretty manageable and it is very common (particularly type 1). Your daughter should take care of herself, makes sure she gets enough sleep and eats properly etc. There are posts on here on "Immune System Boosters" which may help to keep the virus at bay as this is a virus which tends in many people to appear when someone is run down or not quite at their best.

Best wishes.

 
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Old 03-21-2005, 09:35 PM   #3
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

I too believe mine came from oral from my b/f. i thought at first it was from 3yrs ago or so but i contacted and X and he got tested and told me it came back negative. There was another X but i never asked since we only had sex a small handful of times and it was always w/condoms (i know u can still get it that way)

But i believed it came from oral now. My primary was hell. I cried when I urinated. I cut down my water intake just so I didnt have to go. I'd bring a cold wash cloth in with me so i could immediatly apply it to the sores to relieve pain. I became so desperate i'd actually put my hands down there to cover what sores i could so it didnt hurt as bad. I know that sounds gross but it was worth avoiding the pain.

Over time you will get over this hump and not think about it like you do now. I know it was all I could think about when i was diagnosed (im 21) I would go to sleep thinking "herpes" wake up thinking "herpes" and I cried a lot my first couple of weeks wondering why why why.

Things will be okay over time. I promise!

 
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Old 03-22-2005, 01:10 AM   #4
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

I too had type 1 through oral sex.I was told at the time that the first,was always the worst.I only had two very mild outbreaks after the first,in the same year.I will never forget the first,it was hell!I even took to weeing in a shallow bath of cold water,it hurt so much.Luckily i haven't suffered since and that was ten years ago.I hope this will be the case for your daughter.It is great that she can talk to you about this.Good luck.

 
Old 03-22-2005, 08:12 AM   #5
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Thank you all for your helpful advice..

I am very concerned about her. She is a very beautiful, outgoing, energetic person with a bubbly personality. But ever since the night that I had to bring her to the ER because she was crying in pain trying to urinate and ultimately was Rx'd to have GH, she has been changing (of course)..

She is still with the same boyfriend. I do not think their relationship has gone beyond foreplay, ( or at least that's what I have been told..) She has been very open with me since this happened, and I am trying my darnest to allow her to transition into a young adult, without being judgemental (sometimes I believe I would rather beat my head up against a brick wall, but I am trying!). I think they would have broken up by now if this wouldn't have happened to her. I feel he is staying with her out of guilt for giving her this... and I think she is staying with him because she is afraid to face the fact that she will have to tell any other potential partner in the future.

As parents, my hubby and I spend most of our time counseling our teenagers about the importance of sex, love, protection, and saving oneself for that someone special. However we never really talked about "foreplay" or "oral sex" issues. I can't say that I really knew that you could get GH from oral sex. Boy have I been niave.....

Sometimes, I really feel that I failed her. In her eyes, she did not do anything against her parents' wishes. She claims that she wasn't having "sex". What I am learning though, is that we have taught our kids to avoid sex because they can get pregnant and get stds.. So, they think they have out smarted the system by having "foreplay" instead of having "sex", therefore avoiding pregnancy and stds... right?....at least that is what my daughter thought. well, guess what... she was wrong... I have to give her credit for at least trying... (I can't help but to be curious as to how many of you thought this same thing... )

I really don't know what else to do. I can only hope that everything will turn out alright. It does help me to hear from you who have been living with GH. Some of your stories are very encouraging and other very sad. I think I will have her read and post on her own also.

If there are any teenager here that can relate to us, please post us your thoughts...

thanks again....teendaughter

 
Old 03-22-2005, 08:57 AM   #6
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

What you should explain to her is that the vast majority (up to 80%) of Americans have the herpes virus (oral or genital), although most don't show symptoms. It has now been demonstrated that both oral and genital herpes can be transmitted through oral or genital contact. Therefore, she is only one of the hundreds of millions of Americans who have the "cold sore" virus and she should not be overly concerned about it.

 
Old 03-22-2005, 10:08 AM   #7
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

What might not be a bad idea is for you to take a blood test. More than likely you may very well have hsv-1 (orally) since its extremely common.


Itd probably help you and her both gain perspective on really how common it is.

 
Old 03-22-2005, 07:06 PM   #8
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Talking Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Hey I thought I would give some input since Im a lil closer to your daughters age. Im a 19 y/o college student who got Hsv1 genitally 2 years ago, 2 days after I graduated high school. I got it from a guy I was dating, but had yet to have sex with. I had had 2 previous partners in the past before I got it that were both long relationships. To me oral sex wasn't that huge of a deal as sex by any means. I really never thought twice about getting an std thru oral sex. But in both of my relationships I was extremely precautious, we always wore condoms and I had been on birth control for 2 years.

As far as outbreaks I have only had the one that was almost 2 years ago. I have been in intimate relationships since and every guy I was going to be sexual with I told them. It's probably one of the hardest things to do, and I know it makes me not want to move on when it's over because of fear of rejection from the next guy. From personal experience your daughter is probably staying in the relationship for that reason. I've never given anything to anyone from either recieving oral sex or sex.

By far the hardest thing for me is when one of my friends makes a comment about herpes, and say how gross it is, or when the valtrex commercial comes on and everyone makes jokes about it. I really just want to cry and be like listen I have it, not some dirty person who sleeps around gets it! But then I realize they are very ignorant and do not know the slightest thing about this virus.

My parents also were very open to me about sex, my mom put me on bc when she knew I was starting to have sex. I always used condoms. Just like you they never thought about foreplay as a spread of std's, and never thought about preaching to me about it. Most people also don't know that hsv is spread thru skin to skin contact, not thru bodily secretions.

I hope I have helped some way or another, and would love to answer any more questions. It really helps me when I can help someone get thru this since I was also so young when I got it. Sandra

 
Old 03-22-2005, 09:20 PM   #9
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Teendaughter, dont feel as if you failed. My parents were on top of me about sex and i also had plenty of sex ed in school (not much about herpes though)

I am still with my guy. We are of course a bit older and have talked marriage before this. You may be right about her b/f or who knows maybe they are still "in love"

Your daughter will be okay she will eventually go back to feeling normal and not even realize she has herpes. She still has beauty, just because she will have herpes doesnt mean she will have a terrible life. Once she is all set with suppresive therapy (im not as of yet) she will be fine believe me.

You are not a failure. My mom cried when i came home w/the bad news and im 21!! I went to the doctor alone thinking it was a bad female yeast infection...silly me.

It'll all be okay.

 
Old 03-22-2005, 10:20 PM   #10
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Thank all of you again, and especially Sandra!

I appreciate your sharing. I am encouraging my daughter to explore this website. she has looked at it, but felt there wasn't anything she needed here. As I said before, she has no concept of the reality of this condition. To her this is as simple as catching a cold. I guess this is a good coping mechanism for her for now, but I foresee many more problems for her as she matures into the adult world.

Sandra, I will show her your post and encourage her to reply to you. I really feel that she is staying with her current boyfriend because he knows already. However, I do believe they are not having intercourse. In fact, I don't think the are doing anything now because we do not give them the opportunity
(i know, that could be a very niave statement because i once was a teen also).

But she is only 15 and still has many rules to follow in our household, whereas he is 19, a junior (that's a whole 'nother story). He has less rules to follow, and I think he is getting bored with her because he often turns her down in order to hang with his friends and play video games... while she sits around the house by the phone, moping, awaiting his call....(sign!)

It drives me nuts, for this high spirited girl to think that she has to stay with the guy just because she has gh.... of course "I" am just a stupid mom that does not know anything.... I think if she could talk to someone like you, who has been there and can relate to her situaiton would be a great opportunity for her... How else will she ever meet caring, good people (like you) with the same condition who can understand as well as you do. . It is not like she can just go around asking everyone if they have herpes.

I, myself, am so very thankful to all of you, for helping to guide me thru this journey. I am realizing that this is just something that we will just have to deal with. Like the old saying goes, "you got to just take the hand that was dealt to you and make the best of it". Of course it is difficult, and I am sure I will be back with more wordy testimonies but again ..."THANK YOU"

 
Old 03-22-2005, 11:11 PM   #11
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Hi, this is my first time on this site and actually joined the site for a different topic, but felt I should reply to you.

I was diagnosed with herpes at the age of 19. I was dating a guy that had herpes but decided that he would not tell me about his std. Before having sex with him we talked about our past history with other parteners and he assured me that he was std free. After having a sexual relationship with him for several months I received a phone call from his ex girlfriend and she told me that he had given her vaginal herpes. I was devistated but wasn't sure I could trust her (thought maybe she was trying to break us up). I told him that she had contacted and he assured me that everything was fine that he had already been tested. Basically he lied to me. The whole time we were together he knew about having herpes.

After all of that I got tested and the test was positive. Up to that point I had not had any ob's but due to the stress I was under I had one soon after that. I thought my life was over!! I didn't want to date anyone else because I would be to ashamed to tell them. I started doing a lot of research on my pc and found a dating site for people with herpes. There are also support groups. I had met several people from the site that helped me understand what was going on with my body. I did not want to tell any of my friends from my home so other than my mom I really had no one to talk to. My mother was very supportive through my crisis but at times there were certain things that were hard to talk to her about.

I'm now 25 yrs old and married with a baby. I met my husband from the site and if it weren't for herpes we would not have met. At times I feel like everything happens for a reason. But if you would have told me that when I was first diagnosed I would not have responded very well.

Please let your daughter know that there are many people out there with this std! I thought that nothing like that could ever happen to me. At the time I thought only people who slept around with many parteners got std's. It can happen to any one!!

Also when I first found out about having herpes I felt like I should just stick with the guy that gave it to me. I was going to settle for him just because I did not want to have to deal with telling any one about my problem. Please assure her that she is not stuck with any one! There are many different options.

I know she is going through a lot right now but there are many different resources for her.

Last edited by melbent24; 03-22-2005 at 11:13 PM.

 
Old 03-24-2005, 08:11 PM   #12
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Well I hope your daughter comes to understand that this is more serious then the common cold. Her sex like "can" be normal, but it wouldnt be right of her to tell future sex partners that she doesnt have it.

She has to be more careful then most now. She may not find this useful right now, but when i found out i had herpes and i found this site. I thought i was in heaven. I come to it almost everyday and i have found out about good things. Incase i ever have another OB there is something about garlic oil on here, info about suppressives and lysine ect...

I would continue to encourage her to do her research. I searched tons of sites reading up on things because i wanted to know what I had (this was b4 i was 100%).

I feel it's important for her to understand she can transmit this to others. And my guess is her 19yr old b/f wont have sex w/her now.

 
Old 03-29-2005, 07:06 AM   #13
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piranna65
Well I hope your daughter comes to understand that this is more serious then the common cold. Her sex like "can" be normal, but it wouldnt be right of her to tell future sex partners that she doesnt have it.

She has to be more careful then most now. She may not find this useful right now, but when i found out i had herpes and i found this site. I thought i was in heaven. I come to it almost everyday and i have found out about good things. Incase i ever have another OB there is something about garlic oil on here, info about suppressives and lysine ect...

I would continue to encourage her to do her research. I searched tons of sites reading up on things because i wanted to know what I had (this was b4 i was 100%).

I feel it's important for her to understand she can transmit this to others. And my guess is her 19yr old b/f wont have sex w/her now.

her 19 yr old b/f is still hanging around. he gave her a promise ring for xmas, but i do not think their sexually activity has gone any further, nor do i think it has continued to the extent to what it had been in the past. since january, they have broken up twice then get back together. i don't understand.... i wish that he would just leave her alone so that she can go on with her life (or i wish that they would have sex and that he would get it too... i know that is wrong of me to say, but sometimes i feel so angry at him that that is how i feel..) I have been told to just leave them alone and let them figure it out on their own. i will just stand back and wait until she needs me....

i just get really sad thinking about what she is going to face in the future... For God's sake, she is only 15.... and she is so beautiful, and nice, and friendly, and honest..... She really hasn't had to face rejection in her life before.... I am scared for how she will handle it.. I have encouraged her to come here and just read the stories... and she has... i haven't seen her post anything yet... i have encouraged her to find herself and to grow within, and to focus on her abilities for now... she does all this when she and bf break up, but when they are together she sits by the phone and waits for him to call..... blah, blah,blah... i know ya'll are getting tired of hearing the drama from me, but I am tired of being the bad guy.... She pushes all of anger toward me and not to him!!!!! so i am stepping back and saying prayers and letting nature takes its course for now.... thx for listening... teen

 
Old 03-29-2005, 10:53 AM   #14
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Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Genital herpes sounds scary, but your daughter has less chance of passing on what she does to someone through having sex than her boyfriend does from passing it on from his mouth via oral sex. There is no "good" or "bad" virus, but if it is any consolation, HSV1 genitally is rarely serious and usually does not result in very many outbreaks, and about 50% of people walking around today have the virus on their mouths. For these reasons - and I know it doesn't seem like it right now - this is not the end of your daughter's life. And wishing that her bf would get it? Well, he already has it, and in the place where the HSV1 virus prefers to live - the mouth.

 
Old 04-16-2005, 08:43 PM   #15
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Lightbulb Re: virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex

Hello to all... I am the teenager that this is all about... I have afew things to say... I know that herpes is a serious thing, but why do i feel normal??? Yes, I'm still with my boyfriend, but not just because he gave it to me. I'm still with him because (I know that I'm too young to say this, but I really do believe that I'm "in love" with him) He's a great guy.

I can usually tell with I'm about to have an ob now. I've had two since the primary ob... OMG!! It was the worst.... BLUH!!!... bad memories... Anyways, when the two OBs occured, I still felt normal... I was just really tired and kinda sickly feeling... like a cold or something... Those OBs occured when I get really stressed out... (and my household "issues" don't help much...) I've noticed that I'm getting more and more stressed out each day... I got so stressed out one day that I just laid in a ball in my room, crying.

I'd be happy to hear to any advice, but (not to be rude) it doesn't mean that I'll actually listen to it... I've learned lately that you can't always listen to want people say...

the biggest problem that i have is keeping quiet. I wish I could tell the whole world that I have herpes and tell them how I got it. But, I can't because "It would ruin my reputation in school" as my mom has told me.

Sorry it took me so long to reply, mommy... Just chill... I need to figure out some things for myself... Thanks for finding this site... It's pretty interesting... Oh yeah... Momma, can you please stop hating Ronnie just because he's a 19-year-old junior... At least he's not a 19-year-old drop out..... Thanks for caring so much about me... I love you so much even though I don't always show it.... I also really liked that mission thingy at church... please tell Kitty for me...

~Lil' T

 
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