virgin teen daughter newly diagnosed with gh, thru oral sex - Herpes Message Board

teendaughter · 03-21-2005, 04:56 PM

hi, newbie here. my virgin 15 yr old daughter was recently diagnosed with genital herpes (type 1, i assume). i believe her when she claims it was thru oral sex with her current boyfriend (i did not at first, of course). it has been several months now. she has had 2 ob since the initial ob, not near as bad as the initial. it just breaks my heart that she has to go thru this, and at such a young age, and she hasn't even had "sex" yet... she seems to be handling it much better than i, but i think it is because she has no concept of how cruel this world can be.....any advice to a very sad mother.

beaker24 · 03-21-2005, 06:29 PM

If she got herpes through oral sex then it is likely to be type 1, although that is not for definite. On the bright side, if it is type 1, she simply has what at least 40% (some studies suggest higher) of the population have on their mouths in a "worse" place... in fact, one way of looking at it is that it is not worse. She should suffer less with type 1 genitally than either those with type 2 genitally or even type 1 orally, the statistics suggest (of course, some people don't fit the picture).

I got genital type 1 after having had oral type 1 for years. I had problems in the early months where I was having one long outbreak or perhaps it was like 3 running into each other. I also had increased sensitivity in the area for a while and some neuralgic pain in my legs.

I got genital type 1 in August 2003 and have not had an outbreak since early October 2003 (the end of my giant OB or the last of the 3!). The pain in my legs has died down. I generally feel much in better shape than when first diagnosed.

The first OB is usually the worst - not true for everyone, but it will be true for most people. I have tried to be philosophical about the type 1 - it's something I already had on my mouth, and now I have it somewhere else (I too got it from oral sex) - well, so I will deal with that. Some webpages I read suggest people have one genital type 1 outbreak and never any more, but I have read also of quite a few people having had my experience - OBs for the first few months before it dies down. I hope that that your daughter will find that with a bit of time, the OBs die down considerably.

Good luck - it's great that your daughter has you there to talk to about this and care for her, there are a lot of people on these boards who are very frightened about their herpes status (or possible herpes status) and don't know where to turn, but it seems like your daughter has support. I think all I can say is: the word "herpes" is very scary but the truth is the virus is pretty manageable and it is very common (particularly type 1). Your daughter should take care of herself, makes sure she gets enough sleep and eats properly etc. There are posts on here on "Immune System Boosters" which may help to keep the virus at bay as this is a virus which tends in many people to appear when someone is run down or not quite at their best.

Best wishes.

Piranna65 · 03-21-2005, 10:35 PM

I too believe mine came from oral from my b/f. i thought at first it was from 3yrs ago or so but i contacted and X and he got tested and told me it came back negative. There was another X but i never asked since we only had sex a small handful of times and it was always w/condoms (i know u can still get it that way)

But i believed it came from oral now. My primary was hell. I cried when I urinated. I cut down my water intake just so I didnt have to go. I'd bring a cold wash cloth in with me so i could immediatly apply it to the sores to relieve pain. I became so desperate i'd actually put my hands down there to cover what sores i could so it didnt hurt as bad. I know that sounds gross but it was worth avoiding the pain.

Over time you will get over this hump and not think about it like you do now. I know it was all I could think about when i was diagnosed (im 21) I would go to sleep thinking "herpes" wake up thinking "herpes" and I cried a lot my first couple of weeks wondering why why why.

Things will be okay over time. I promise!

tgum · 03-22-2005, 02:10 AM

I too had type 1 through oral sex.I was told at the time that the first,was always the worst.I only had two very mild outbreaks after the first,in the same year.I will never forget the first,it was hell!I even took to weeing in a shallow bath of cold water,it hurt so much.Luckily i haven't suffered since and that was ten years ago.I hope this will be the case for your daughter.It is great that she can talk to you about this.Good luck.

teendaughter · 03-22-2005, 09:12 AM

Thank you all for your helpful advice..

I am very concerned about her. She is a very beautiful, outgoing, energetic person with a bubbly personality. But ever since the night that I had to bring her to the ER because she was crying in pain trying to urinate and ultimately was Rx'd to have GH, she has been changing (of course)..

She is still with the same boyfriend. I do not think their relationship has gone beyond foreplay, ( or at least that's what I have been told..) She has been very open with me since this happened, and I am trying my darnest to allow her to transition into a young adult, without being judgemental (sometimes I believe I would rather beat my head up against a brick wall, but I am trying!). I think they would have broken up by now if this wouldn't have happened to her. I feel he is staying with her out of guilt for giving her this... and I think she is staying with him because she is afraid to face the fact that she will have to tell any other potential partner in the future.

As parents, my hubby and I spend most of our time counseling our teenagers about the importance of sex, love, protection, and saving oneself for that someone special. However we never really talked about "foreplay" or "oral sex" issues. I can't say that I really knew that you could get GH from oral sex. Boy have I been niave.....

Sometimes, I really feel that I failed her. In her eyes, she did not do anything against her parents' wishes. She claims that she wasn't having "sex". What I am learning though, is that we have taught our kids to avoid sex because they can get pregnant and get stds.. So, they think they have out smarted the system by having "foreplay" instead of having "sex", therefore avoiding pregnancy and stds... right?....at least that is what my daughter thought. well, guess what... she was wrong... I have to give her credit for at least trying... (I can't help but to be curious as to how many of you thought this same thing... )

I really don't know what else to do. I can only hope that everything will turn out alright. It does help me to hear from you who have been living with GH. Some of your stories are very encouraging and other very sad. I think I will have her read and post on her own also.

If there are any teenager here that can relate to us, please post us your thoughts...

thanks again....teendaughter