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Old 03-31-2005, 12:40 PM   #1
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CALI_GURL413 HB User
Scared to Be Intimate

I was just recently diagnosed with HSV1. My current partner knows and says he doesnt have a problem with it, but I do. My sex drive is completely gone and I just cant let myself relax and have some fun. Is this normal and will I get over it?

Here I have someone who doesnt care, but I have this on my mind 24-7.

 
Old 03-31-2005, 03:01 PM   #2
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Re: Scared to Be Intimate

You will feel better in time, trust me. I had oral HSV1 for years and it used to drive me mad as I got cold sores all the time. These days I take better care of myself, and having got older, the virus seems to have lost some of its potency. Then I got genital HSV1. I was really devastated and thought my life was over, especially when I had one big long outbreak - or three which ran one after another, depending on how you looked at it.

Fortunately, as with most people with HSV1, it seems to have settled down and I haven't seen a sign of it in my genitals in 18 months, and have had only one oral outbreak during this time.

You will feel better once you get used to the idea and I would also hope with type 1 that you will go some considerable time without outbreaks and this will help you to relax.

Do you have HSV1 orally or genitally? In either case, it is a pretty common virus, and if everyone with it was reluctant to have sex, you would be talking about 40-80% of people being nervous of having oral or genital sex (as the case may be).

Good luck.

 
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Old 03-31-2005, 03:48 PM   #3
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FitChic HB User
Re: Scared to Be Intimate

my sex drive was totally gone after i was diagonsed with genital herpes...........and i didnt have a steady boyfriend who was supportive like you do......(believe, it makes it alot easier when you do)..........i was so discussed with myself, i didnt want anyone to touch me..............

i totally know how you feel but it will pass..........how long ago were you diagonsed?....it took me about 4-5 months to get over that..............it's almost a year now since my primary outbreak and i havent had one since................it will get better with time, i promise

 
Old 03-31-2005, 04:43 PM   #4
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Re: Scared to Be Intimate

Thank you both for responding. I was diagnosed about 2 weeks ago. I know it is recent, so I need to give myself some time, but I cant help but dwell on it. I do not have genital, but I am scared that if I happen to have oral sex that I will give it to him and then he will pass it on to my genitals. Im just stressing out...

Last edited by CALI_GURL413; 03-31-2005 at 04:44 PM.

 
Old 03-31-2005, 04:51 PM   #5
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Re: Scared to Be Intimate

Quote:
Originally Posted by CALI_GURL413
Thank you both for responding. I was diagnosed about 2 weeks ago. I know it is recent, so I need to give myself some time, but I cant help but dwell on it. I do not have genital, but I am scared that if I happen to have oral sex that I will give it to him and then he will pass it on to my genitals. Im just stressing out...
Listen... without meaning to belittle your pain - it's oral type 1! I guarantee you it is nothing to get unduly stressed about. Every one of my family - mum, dad, little sister - has type 1. So does my ex-gf and my current gf - and neither got it from me, but some years before they ever met me. At least 40% of people have it, and probably more than that.

Most people get it as children and don't go through the upset of having "the dreaded h" as they don't really realise what it is or the consequences of it, and then they don't get any more outbreaks (this happened to my housemate, she told me). A minority of people get recurrences but you may well not do so and if you do, they should settle down after the first year.

You are right to be concerned about the risk of passing the virus on, but once again, this needs to be kept in perspective. Have you contracted type 1 orally from your boyfriend? Once you have had the herpes virus for a while, it is unlikely that you would recontract it in another place. Unlikely, but not impossible - I got type 1 on the genitals despite having it orally. However, this probably would not have happened had I not been exposed to an active sore. The antibodies I had (which will build up in your own system after a time and which will be in your boyfriend's system if he has type 1) probably, chances are, would have protected me from reinfection via asymptomatic shedding - and they should go a great deal of way to protecting you and your boyfriend if he does indeed have type 1.

So - if you both have type 1 - it is probably not underestimating the risk to say avoid sex when you have outbreaks and you are likely to be OK.

I should point out that my ex and I dated for 2 1/2 years. We both had type 1 although she did not get outbreaks. We avoided oral sex when I had OBs. Neither of us contracted genital type 1. I got it as soon as I was exposed to an active sore from my next partner though

Last edited by beaker24; 03-31-2005 at 04:56 PM.

 
Old 03-31-2005, 05:01 PM   #6
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Re: Scared to Be Intimate

Thank you for putting it all in perspective for me...I agree, there is much more to be stressed out about and I have read that HSV1 is very common. My doctor stated that the test they did can tell if you were just infected or had for awhile. Not sure if thats true, but according to him, I didnt get it recently. Its still hard hearing that kind of news....

 
Old 03-31-2005, 05:05 PM   #7
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Re: Scared to Be Intimate

Quote:
Originally Posted by CALI_GURL413
Thank you for putting it all in perspective for me...I agree, there is much more to be stressed out about and I have read that HSV1 is very common. My doctor stated that the test they did can tell if you were just infected or had for awhile. Not sure if thats true, but according to him, I didnt get it recently. Its still hard hearing that kind of news....
Has your bf been tested? It might be an idea. If he has type 1 too then it will make things more straightforward. There's probably a 50-50 chance that he does after all.

It's only been a couple of weeks so give yourself some time, try not to stress about it - I know it is easier said than done! Make sure you eat properly and sleep properly and I promise you, this time next month you will be feeling much better about the whole thing, and the following month, better again.

Regarding being intimate: if both you and your bf are aware of the situation and aware of the risks then this is the best situation to be in and you are ahead of many people who have partners who are not honest with them or with whom they sadly feel they can't be honest. If you need a couple more weeks to feel relaxed about this side of things, explain this to your bf. This could be a time for you to do other things that you both enjoy etc.

I hope none of this post seems condescending and that you are feeling better about the whole thing soon!

And now bed for me - it's 2am in the UK...!

 
Old 03-31-2005, 06:10 PM   #8
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Re: Scared to Be Intimate

Genital HSV-1 is no biggie. Try having genital HSV-2...now that freaks people out, and is much more contagious and active than genital HSV-1. Haven't been intimate in over 2 years since infection...and not exactly by my own choice.

 
Old 04-01-2005, 04:24 AM   #9
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irismura HB User
Re: Scared to Be Intimate

i agree with the first couple of posters--give yourself some time, & you sex drive will come back. it's only natural. i felt the same as you while i was having my primary outbreak; i was really scared that i'd never feel like having sex again. and then, midway thru my ob, i was taking a nap & i had an erotic dream. when i woke up, i knew that everything would be okay eventually--and it has been.

 
Old 04-02-2005, 12:31 PM   #10
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internet! HB User
Re: Scared to Be Intimate

Quote:
Originally Posted by unlucky_guy
Genital HSV-1 is no biggie. Try having genital HSV-2...now that freaks people out, and is much more contagious and active than genital HSV-1. Haven't been intimate in over 2 years since infection...and not exactly by my own choice.

why does everyone insist hsv-1 genitally is 'no big deal'?

its herpes. herpes is herpes. You can read all the stats and figures that talk about recurrances but it varies person to person. I got plenty of neuropathy from hsv-1....no real outbreaks but honestly Id take those over the twinges and burning.

 
Old 04-02-2005, 12:52 PM   #11
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Greentreesquid HB User
Re: Scared to Be Intimate

its always important to diagnose what you have.

Last edited by Greentreesquid; 06-01-2008 at 05:44 PM.

 
Old 04-02-2005, 05:02 PM   #12
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internet! HB User
Re: Scared to Be Intimate

well like "try having genital hsv-2 that freaks people out".

herpes is herpes is herpes. No ones gonna be like "oh thank god, type 1, I'll sleep with you then!"

 
Old 04-03-2005, 08:56 AM   #13
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beaker24 HB User
Re: Scared to Be Intimate

Quote:
Originally Posted by internet!
well like "try having genital hsv-2 that freaks people out".

herpes is herpes is herpes. No ones gonna be like "oh thank god, type 1, I'll sleep with you then!"
Some people would, actually, if they already had type 1 (and more people have type 1 than 2, albeit they tend to have it orally).

The distinction between the types of virus IS important in terms of partners who also have the virus and the long-term effects. There's no point in thinking "well we both have herpes" if one partner has type 1 in one place and one partner type 2 in another place, or whatever.

Whilst some people do suffer badly with type 1 genital herpes, they are in the minority. Whilst there is no good or bad virus, I confess a certain amount of relief that my genital herpes is type 1 rather than 2 simply because statistically - although there are no guarantees and I will always take care - I am less likely to have outbreaks and pass the virus onto others than if I had type 2.

 
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