many questions - Herpes Message Board

as2181 · 06-01-2005, 09:49 PM

I just found out a couple of months ago that I have Herpes2. I am new to all of this and am very overwhelmed. I don't know how to tell my parents or my friends or if I even should. I was also wondering how I am ever going to meet someone who will want to be with me with herpes. How do people generally react? How do you tell someone that you are interested in dating? Do you tell them right away, or wait a week, a month? Does anyone have any good advice?

petal28 · 06-02-2005, 11:52 AM

I see nobody has replied to your post yet, so I thought I would!!!

When I first found out I had herpes, I was devastated. There was no way i was going to be able to cope with it on my own, so the first thing I did was confide in my best friend. She was ..and still is...so understanding and a 'rock' to me. I knew I would have to tell my folks though as we are such a close family and I knew that they'd know something was up. As much as they were slightly disappointed, they were more gutted for me than anything. I don't regret telling them at all, cos whenever I'm down about it they are there for me. On the other hand though, from reading other posts, I know that some people choose to keep it to themselves...I suppose it depends what kind of person you are - I'm not the strongest and need support!

Like you, I am constantly worrying about the future...will anyone want to be with me now etc. A guy who I've been close to for years knows there is something up with me, although i haven't told him what exactly, but he's got the general idea - he's made it clear that this would not bother him at all. This alone has made me be a bit more positive. I am concerned that not everyone will have this attitude though and I don't know how I'd feel if the first person I chose to tell, knocked me back. I've been to speak to my dr recently and she seems to think I'm possibly thinking my situation is a lot worse than it actually is. In a way I agree with her now. A lot worse could have happened to me and at least I'm lucky enough to still 'look' normal! At the end of the day..it's just a skin condition that might never affect me again!

I think I would want to be honest with a partner right from the start, however i worry that if it doesn't work out, this person could tell someone about my H and I don't exactly live in a big town..and word gets around! So in another way, i think it's maybe ok to have safe sex and bring up the subject later on when I know it's going somewhere. Again everyone is different though and I'm no expert on this particular subject, cos I too, have not been in this situation since I was first diagnosed.

Hope this helps a little,

as2181 · 06-02-2005, 10:52 PM

1st off thanks for your reply. That was the first time I have ever posted anything and I was a little scared that no one would read mine. Your response has really helped.

I think I feel a lot like you in the fact that I need some kind of support. I am not sure about telling my family, but maybe one of my friends. I know they would be supportive but for some reason I'm petrified. They have had STDs and told me, but none that were perminant. I am scared to tell my family and I might choose not to.

In reality I do agree that it is basically a skin rash. I still feel devastated though. Why can't there be a cure?!

How long has it been since you were diagnosed? I am even scared to tell my normal doctor. Do you have any suggestion on how to cope with this in the begining? Was there anything in particular that helped set your mind at ease or does it just take time?

Thanks again for your thoughts.

unlucky_guy · 06-03-2005, 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by petal28

i think it's maybe ok to have safe sex and bring up the subject later on when I know it's going somewhere. Again everyone is different though and I'm no expert on this particular subject, cos I too, have not been in this situation since I was first diagnosed.

Uhhh, there is no such thing as "safe sex" when it comes to herpes. So no, it is not at all "ok" to ever have sex without telling first, regardless of whether you use protection. Condoms DO NOT offer that much protection against transmitting herpes...the virus can, and often is, spread even when condoms are used. In fact, that is exactly how I got it. You should NEVER EVER have any type of sex with another person without warning them first that you have this horrible disease. Otherwise, you are just a bad bad person. Got it?

kierstyn_04 · 06-03-2005, 08:29 AM

Good morning unlucky guy. So nice to get up this morning and read your cranky post! Honestly I think the moderator should look a little more closely at you and the way you word some things. Its pretty obvious that the thread was written by a young person, I think there could have been a nicer way to put this being that you can tell they are feeling pretty down about their situation! A simple post advising them that no, its not really cool to not tell and just use a condom and tell them that condoms are not 100% safe, thats how it happened to you etc. I just think you got a little rough there, ease up, remember how devistated you were when you first found out. And as we all know most people are so under educated on herpes, thats how most of us got it! So educate people, dont badger them. Youre bent up anger is something you need to deal with, not constantly be negitive on this board! Were here to positively support each other!
Anyway on to my reply to the post . . . . yes, I guess it can be passed even with a condom. However I am on supressive Valtrex, me and my lover use condoms 99% (bad I know, but he knows)of the time, and we avoid sex anytime I even get the slightest feeling something isnt right and we have been fine. I think you guys should read the happy couples thread.