Telling a new partner ... - Herpes Message Board

marneyvette · 09-04-2005, 11:02 PM

I'm feeling so depressed right now. I finally found someone that I really like. He and I have been dating for about a month and tonight, I was so overwhelmed with stress about having divulge the "herpes" secret, that I decided to tell him.

It's the first time I've ever had to do this and it was so difficult. His reaction was an understandable one -- he'd like to do some research. He left not long after and I can't help but feel incredibly insecure.

I've had friends tell me that if he doesn't want to deal with it, then the relationship isn't meant to be --but i have to say it's very little consolation.

Anyone go through this?

Sunflower11 · 09-05-2005, 08:50 AM

YES! I commend you for being straightforward. As we all here do. The first potential man I told flipped out. I was very matter of fact about it, and still he freaked. I didn't hear from him for 3 days after and cried every day. I had never felt so bad in all my life. I believe I contracted via ex husband of 15 years, but who can really say. Anyways, on the 4th day of not hearing from him after I tried calling a few times, he came to see me, told me he loved me and "everything will be alright." And it has been.
Take care, and good luck. We are here for you.

marneyvette · 09-08-2005, 07:47 PM

Thank you so much for your response. He did say it would be okay -- but I'm still afraid to have sex with him. I would feel terrible if I gave it to him. How in the heck do I relax with this constantly on my mind?

good2Bme · 09-10-2005, 08:19 PM

hi marneyvette,
well, you took the first step to an open honest relationship, and it was not easy (i know!).
as for how to relax... some things just take practice. the best thing you can do is stay in tune with your body & refrain from sex if you think you may be coming down with something.
i contracted herpes over a decade ago, and of the partners i told in my life, i only had sex with 1 the same day i disclosed the info. when you are both ready, you will know. you were honest with him, and if he decides to be with you, he has accepted you.... all of you, so relax.
wishing you love, luck, health & happiness!

petal28 · 09-19-2005, 11:16 AM

Recently I met a guy who I am quite fond of and he is the first guy I have been interested in since I found out i contracted herpes a year ago. Already I am anxious about the having to tell him if things develop and I fear that this alone will spoil things between us, because it's on my mind all the time when I'm with him, and therefore, I'm not being myself. I realise that everyone's situation will be different, but I'd greatly appreciate some insight on how other people have handled the situation of explaining about herpes to a partner. I am fairly pessimistic about it and just feel that I'm gonna be rejected. Any thoughts would be great and would help a lot!!
Thanks