You are so young, and you have your whole life ahead of you... I know right now, the world may seem to be crashing in on you, but I can assure you that having herpes is NOT the end of the world, far from it.
I too got herpes at a very young age, and I felt the same way you did. I have had it over a decade now, and am in the happiest relationship.
I was in a relationship with someone who got cold sores on his mouth, He gave me oral sex just prior to his cold sore showing up & 2 weeks later I got genital herpes. Even though he gave it to me, it was still hard to tell him once I knew what I had... I was afraid he wouldn't want me anymore, after all, he didn't have it genitally. Long, long story short, he did not care, he felt awful and we ended long after that because I just did not want to be with him anymore for other reasons. But still, I was young and did not know if I could ever tell anyone something so personal. I was so depressed and never thought I would date ever again. But life does not stop.... it goes on, and boys liked me, and all I could think was that they wouldn't if they knew.
Well one day this boy liked me, and all I could think of was if I didn't have herpes we would probably live happily ever after.... I just wanted to know what it would be like to go out on a date with him, so I thought to myself.. do it once and that's it. So I did. We had so much fun together, when he dropped me off home, he called me when he got home & we stayed on the phone till the morning, I liked him so so much. He asked me out again, and I went, and again, and I went, and again & again & again... I would never let our kissing go past our clothes, but 2 months into it he was starting to go nuts & asked me WHY??
We had become so close, and I knew I just had to tell him. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my whole life at that point. I was hysterical crying at that point. I told him that I would not disclose who I got it from because I think it is personal (and to this day, I never did tell any partners who it was) and then I told him that even if he did not want to be with me anymore that he have that same respect for me & never tell anyone the information that I trusted him with. He hugged me & told me how sorry he was that I had gone though this, and that he still liked me... we kept dating, however he stopped trying to get past my clothes, and all I could think was that now he didn't want to because of what I told him about myself. After another month, he asked me if I was ready! I told him I had been ready since I told him and we became intimate that very moment.
Now I know that was a long story, but I could go on & on. I could tell you everytime I had told a new partner. I have never been turned away by anyone I ever told, and I also never passed herpes on to any of my partners (knock on wood).
But there is one thing I think is very important when telling someone, and this could be a "bright" side of having herpes.... it makes you think long & hard about who you date... becoming friends first is very important. It should eliminate the "one night stands" because you could get something far worse than herpes. For me, I became very close with my partners first, dated them for a long time before I told them, up to and including my current boyfriend. I recently asked him, "if we had only been dating a week or two & I told you I had herpes, would you have still continued to date me?" and he acutally said he wasn't sure! that he probably would have, but he would not have been nearly as attached to me as he was when I told him a few months down the line. So if I can give you any advice at all, it is just to be as good of a person as you can possibly be, let your future boyfriends get to know YOU, and once you have the friendship part of it, then disclose the necessary information to take your relationship to the next level.
Sorry this was so long.
I wish you luck, love & happiness
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