transmission question please - Herpes Message Board

sunshine2006 · 05-05-2006, 06:45 AM

hey there

after doing lots of research on herpes and transmission (I have genital herpes), would the following be true?

Does a person who does not have herpes have a much higher probability of being infected with it by sleeping with somone who doesn't know they have herpes than someone who does?

Background to this question is that I have read that if I do not have intercourse whilst having an OB, use protection and continue using supressive medication the risk of transmission is about 1% (I am a heterosexual female).

But if quite a high number of people do not know they have herpes and therefore do not take necessary precautions the transmission rates must be much higher.

(a potential partner has just rejected me after my 'first time talk' after being very honest and saying he would be scared of getting it),

Any help would be much appreciated and if anyone has any information about transmission, the more positive the better, I'd be very pleased to hear from you

thanks for reading

over21 · 05-05-2006, 08:14 AM

70% of new infections of Genital Herpes come from partner who were unaware of their HSV+ status. I think your 1% stat is about right, usually I see 2% (each year) when on meds and avoiding sex during an outbreak or feel one coming on. The disclaimer for any statistic is that your mileage will vary, it's not a guaranteed percentage for everyone. The obvious is that some people will shed more than others and I'll bet there are some who rarely shed if at all. Turning the numbers around, there's a 98% chance someone won't get infected from you. Pretty good odds in my opinion.

I saw a post once where the woman used Herpes as a 'guy' filter. If they can't be supportive on this issue, then they'll fail on the more important issues. Herpes is not a reason to leave or stay in a relationship.

Some people are willing to take risks, others aren't. If someone (male or female) is just looking for a casual partner but not wanting marriage from this person, they may feel it's not worth the 2-6% risk each year. It depends on whether you'll looking for free milk/bacon without having to buy the cow/pig.

Would you be willing to be involved with someone who's HIV positive? If I was just looking for a summer girlfriend, I'm not sure I'd be willing to take the risk. Sounds shallow huh? However, if I'm looking at this person as a life long partner, then the though process will be a lot different. For one thing, I'd sure wanna be informed on HIV and know all the facts, not just the tabloid news about this virus. Was the guy who rejected you informed about HSV, or was his knowledge only from the rumor mill and late night jokes.

So, don't worry about the ones that reject you, look at it as their loss and their shallowness on this very very common virus.

If for some reason you're thinking of not telling someone next time, don't do it; be truthful and honest. Maybe holding off on sex until the relationships develops a little bit is the better suggestion. Don't give him a reason to leave in the very beginning. Instead, let him discover you, and have that be a reason to stay regardless of this common virus. Besides, chances are pretty good he's already got HSV1 or HSV2.

sunshine2006 · 05-05-2006, 08:46 AM

Thanks over 21

The odds do sound good, so thats some good news!

Understand about the summer loving thing. We had a pretty intense virtual relationship over 5 months with only 3 dates when he was on R&R.

Unfortunately, due to the situation he didnt get the op to know me as one would in a more 'conventional' relationship. We did hit it off, but with him coming back, me landing the H thing on him...well it all must have been too much. sad thing is, if the relationship had developed in a more normal way w/o him being overseas, I'm pretty confident things would have worked out. C'est la vie!

And he did speak to a GP friend of his and just thinks he couldnt handle catching it or relax when we made love. I wouldve liked to have the chance to present some facts to him, but dont think I will now have the opportunity but at least I am better informed and now this pig/ cow :-) is ready to take on the next bull by the horns!

Happy and honest is how I live my life so not telling is not an option for me.
I hope and know it will get easier to do the talk but as I am one of the many who has contracted herpes by not sleeping around and has never had casual sex in my 32 year life, it's not going to be easy to find that special one again.
But even without herpes that can be difficult.

thanks for the response

onwards and upwards!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by over21

70% of new infections of Genital Herpes come from partner who were unaware of their HSV+ status. I think your 1% stat is about right, usually I see 2% (each year) when on meds and avoiding sex during an outbreak or feel one coming on. The disclaimer for any statistic is that your mileage will vary, it's not a guaranteed percentage for everyone. The obvious is that some people will shed more than others and I'll bet there are some who rarely shed if at all. Turning the numbers around, there's a 98% chance someone won't get infected from you. Pretty good odds in my opinion.

I saw a post once where the woman used Herpes as a 'guy' filter. If they can't be supportive on this issue, then they'll fail on the more important issues. Herpes is not a reason to leave or stay in a relationship.

Some people are willing to take risks, others aren't. If someone (male or female) is just looking for a casual partner but not wanting marriage from this person, they may feel it's not worth the 2-6% risk each year. It depends on whether you'll looking for free milk/bacon without having to buy the cow/pig.

Would you be willing to be involved with someone who's HIV positive? If I was just looking for a summer girlfriend, I'm not sure I'd be willing to take the risk. Sounds shallow huh? However, if I'm looking at this person as a life long partner, then the though process will be a lot different. For one thing, I'd sure wanna be informed on HIV and know all the facts, not just the tabloid news about this virus. Was the guy who rejected you informed about HSV, or was his knowledge only from the rumor mill and late night jokes.

So, don't worry about the ones that reject you, look at it as their loss and their shallowness on this very very common virus.

If for some reason you're thinking of not telling someone next time, don't do it; be truthful and honest. Maybe holding off on sex until the relationships develops a little bit is the better suggestion. Don't give him a reason to leave in the very beginning. Instead, let him discover you, and have that be a reason to stay regardless of this common virus. Besides, chances are pretty good he's already got HSV1 or HSV2.

SarahArnett243 · 05-05-2006, 10:19 AM

do you have hsv 1 genitally or hsv 2 genitally? transmission is a lot different depending on which strain of the virus you have genitally. for example, i have hsv 1 genitally and my boyfriend has it orally, and he has a SUPER low risk of getting it genitally.

sunshine2006 · 05-05-2006, 10:31 AM

Do you know, I'm not sure. I was living in the CZ at the time and medical translations were not my easiest part of language acquisition. It is genital herpes and I just assumed it is type 2.

I did go to a clinic in london when I got back and because the virus wasn't active they couldnt tell. But from reading entries on this site, I realise I need to have a blood test, which I plan on doing very soon (well when the surgery is open after the weekend).

I understand blood tests are more accurate than a swab test, so I'll be pushing for that.

thanks for responding

Quote:

Originally Posted by SarahArnett243

do you have hsv 1 genitally or hsv 2 genitally? transmission is a lot different depending on which strain of the virus you have genitally. for example, i have hsv 1 genitally and my boyfriend has it orally, and he has a SUPER low risk of getting it genitally.