Herpes is not selective, it does not only pass onto "unwholesome" people, herpes can break out in the genital area or any area surrounding your genitals which is in the general "boxer shorts" area, sure some get it on their genitals, others on their buttocks or extreme lower back and like you, i too get mine on my anal area, only i am female.
I have actually had very few partners in my life and was a bit saddened to catch herpes when some people have drunken one nighters continuously and dont appear to catch anything. I guess it's luck of the draw and timing. My partner had just recovered from a herpes o/b, which was his first in 10yrs, but we used a condom even though you couldn't even see the sore as it had cleared up, we only had what you would call "ordinary sex" on that night, no anal, no oral, no nothing appart from missionary and for some reason my o/b occured right next to and slightly on top of my anal spot. At first i thought it was a rash and that is what my gp said, but after visiting a sexual health clinic to get it swabbed it came up definite for type 2.
It's rare to find a gp who is understanding, broadminded, knowledgable and willing to help, this is why i dont visit him regarding herpes. If this new doctor is looking at you like you are some kind of weirdo it is only due to him/her not being educated sufficiently. You do not need to be homosexual to have herpes on your anal area. Herpes isn't too common in that area and even in my two and a bit years on here i think i may only have come across one other person with it on the anal region and you are now the second. Mostly everyone complains of having it on their genital area. I wonder if i visited your doctor what he/she would say?
It is a mystery why some get herpes in one spot and another person gets it in another spot. Herpes does like soft skin and that is why it generally happens at your mouth area if you have oral herpes and mostly genital/anal for below the waist, but there are others again who get it in other locations. As herpes travels along the nerves it may have something to do with that, maybe for us it started travelling and felt the anal area was a good enough spot to break out. My first o/b was quite mild, just a tiny little red area which itched a bit, so maybe my immune system was also strong enough to stop the herpes from travelling to my vaginal area. Who knows!! It's all a mystery to me.
As to how you got it in the first place....did you have other partners before your wife? Herpes is very easily passed on, all it takes is some skin to skin contact. It can be passed from sharing a towel which is still wet from the other person using it, but this is rare. I have yet to see one person post on here that they were 100% virgin, never touched by another person and to have gotten type 2 genitally. Type 1 you can pass yourself from your mouth to genital area or for that matter anywhere if your hands were not washed, but if you never had type 2 in the first place then it's pretty certain to have come from contact with another person and most likely via sexual contact of some type. It's either that or if you were with your wife 10yrs ago perhaps she passed it to you as a result of somebody she was with as not everybody has classis hepres symptoms after catching it.
I don't and never have taken medication for mine. If your wife accepts that you have it and you are in a committed relationship does she have issues with it being passed onto her? She could already have it and have not had an actual o/b. Some people do not get the classic o/b's, but might get a bit of redness, paper-like cuts or a bit of an itch and females often think they are having a bit of a yeast infection as the symptoms are similar.
Viral shedding is something which i believe (read this too long ago so hope i get it right) happens a few times per year, but you dont necessarily have an actual o/b and the virus can still be passed on during this "shedding" phase.
As for your o/b's you don't have to visit a doctor unless you want a prescription to take medication for herpes. There are a lot of people who don't take medication, have fulfilling and good relationships, have babies, dont go to doctors and just get on with their lives and simply deal with the o/b's when they happen. The main thing is not to stress as that can cause an o/b in itself and that is due to the stress creating a very acid environment, which i learnt recently herpes really loves, but it doesnt love an alkaline environment.
I know all this seems difficult to cope with, but hope i've been able to answer some of your questions