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Old 01-30-2007, 09:57 AM   #1
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Lots of Questions and very confused! Any help??

This is embarrassing and hard to discuss with my family doc and nurse. About 10 years ago I got this nasty rash that hurt like heck. The worst thing was it was in the anal area. Those doctors said it was a strain of herpes virus and put me on medication. They did a lot of cultures and told me i had type 1 and type 2. I have had to use that medication (acyclovir) off and on since, but its never gotten very bad. Just this week it flared worse than the first outbreak 10 years ago. My doctor did a bunch of blood work today but I won't have results for a week. I have been married for the last 9 years and only been with good wholesome women. Never any "abnormal" or unusual sex practices. Each time I see a dr. they ask me if I've ever done anything with another guy. I have never and would never. I just got a new family doctor after my last one retired. This one looks at me funny and asks me about having sex with other men. My last doctor I was with since I was 5 and he completely believed me when I said, I'm completely and utterly heterosexual. They can't tell me how I got something like this and they also can't tell me if it could spread to my wife. I have never had anything up front around the groin or penile area. They always say, "in theory it could be transmitted." What does that really mean?? Could I have gotten this from a locker room towel or toilet seat? Will I have to be on medication the rest of my life? Do I have to go to the dr. each time I think i have a breakout? I've been totally open with her about it but she still wonders how I got it as do I. I do not want my wife to get it, but we have great intimacy and I do not want to wear a condom forever either. Since I don't have it on my penis, can she still get it? What is shedding?? HELP!! (I think this has to be one of the most embarrassing things for a guy...it stresses me out not knowing how I could have gotten it.)

 
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Old 02-01-2007, 12:15 AM   #2
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Re: Lots of Questions and very confused! Any help??

Herpes is not selective, it does not only pass onto "unwholesome" people, herpes can break out in the genital area or any area surrounding your genitals which is in the general "boxer shorts" area, sure some get it on their genitals, others on their buttocks or extreme lower back and like you, i too get mine on my anal area, only i am female.

I have actually had very few partners in my life and was a bit saddened to catch herpes when some people have drunken one nighters continuously and dont appear to catch anything. I guess it's luck of the draw and timing. My partner had just recovered from a herpes o/b, which was his first in 10yrs, but we used a condom even though you couldn't even see the sore as it had cleared up, we only had what you would call "ordinary sex" on that night, no anal, no oral, no nothing appart from missionary and for some reason my o/b occured right next to and slightly on top of my anal spot. At first i thought it was a rash and that is what my gp said, but after visiting a sexual health clinic to get it swabbed it came up definite for type 2.

It's rare to find a gp who is understanding, broadminded, knowledgable and willing to help, this is why i dont visit him regarding herpes. If this new doctor is looking at you like you are some kind of weirdo it is only due to him/her not being educated sufficiently. You do not need to be homosexual to have herpes on your anal area. Herpes isn't too common in that area and even in my two and a bit years on here i think i may only have come across one other person with it on the anal region and you are now the second. Mostly everyone complains of having it on their genital area. I wonder if i visited your doctor what he/she would say?

It is a mystery why some get herpes in one spot and another person gets it in another spot. Herpes does like soft skin and that is why it generally happens at your mouth area if you have oral herpes and mostly genital/anal for below the waist, but there are others again who get it in other locations. As herpes travels along the nerves it may have something to do with that, maybe for us it started travelling and felt the anal area was a good enough spot to break out. My first o/b was quite mild, just a tiny little red area which itched a bit, so maybe my immune system was also strong enough to stop the herpes from travelling to my vaginal area. Who knows!! It's all a mystery to me.

As to how you got it in the first place....did you have other partners before your wife? Herpes is very easily passed on, all it takes is some skin to skin contact. It can be passed from sharing a towel which is still wet from the other person using it, but this is rare. I have yet to see one person post on here that they were 100% virgin, never touched by another person and to have gotten type 2 genitally. Type 1 you can pass yourself from your mouth to genital area or for that matter anywhere if your hands were not washed, but if you never had type 2 in the first place then it's pretty certain to have come from contact with another person and most likely via sexual contact of some type. It's either that or if you were with your wife 10yrs ago perhaps she passed it to you as a result of somebody she was with as not everybody has classis hepres symptoms after catching it.

I don't and never have taken medication for mine. If your wife accepts that you have it and you are in a committed relationship does she have issues with it being passed onto her? She could already have it and have not had an actual o/b. Some people do not get the classic o/b's, but might get a bit of redness, paper-like cuts or a bit of an itch and females often think they are having a bit of a yeast infection as the symptoms are similar.

Viral shedding is something which i believe (read this too long ago so hope i get it right) happens a few times per year, but you dont necessarily have an actual o/b and the virus can still be passed on during this "shedding" phase.

As for your o/b's you don't have to visit a doctor unless you want a prescription to take medication for herpes. There are a lot of people who don't take medication, have fulfilling and good relationships, have babies, dont go to doctors and just get on with their lives and simply deal with the o/b's when they happen. The main thing is not to stress as that can cause an o/b in itself and that is due to the stress creating a very acid environment, which i learnt recently herpes really loves, but it doesnt love an alkaline environment.

I know all this seems difficult to cope with, but hope i've been able to answer some of your questions

 
Old 02-01-2007, 10:32 AM   #3
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Re: Lots of Questions and very confused! Any help??

Thank you for the information. I have had a lot of little breakouts and 2 big ones. In the last 9 years that I've been married i've only had one big breakout. I was with a couple girls in long term relationships prior, but they never had any signs of it, so at least they didn't tell me about it. Unfortunatley, I stress a lot, have a crazy job and work out a lot so I have lots of small b/o where I need medication for it. I have read about the shedding phases and still don't quite understand them. If my breakout is in the anal area, do you still shed the virus through your urinary tract? Unfortunately this last breakout wasn't a little rash, it was like huge blisters with deep cuts, it was horrible. And its not like you can tell the guys at work why you're walking funny and not feeling good. I should get the results back soon on the blood work and culture stuff. I still think its from all of the people we had living at our place in college. There were a lot of people that lived with us and used all of our towels and bedding and stuff. Who knows, it could be from the girl I dated during college. Why does it seem to be such a big deal of where it came from?? I don't want my wife to catch it, and I don't want to wear a condom all the time, any advice on that?

 
Old 02-02-2007, 05:17 PM   #4
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Re: Lots of Questions and very confused! Any help??

There is no 100% way of guaranteeing that your wife wont catch it and as i stated before, she could already have it yet not be showing obvious signs of having it as some people never show signs of having genital herpes, while others may have the smallest of signs like a bit of redness or paper-like cut/s at the vaginal/labia area and as it's never bothered them and doesn't look like and STD or an obvious sign of herpes they don't give it a second thought.

If your wife doesn't have it then the best thing is to not have sexual contact while you have an o/b or you feel any weird tingling, stinging or itching or see any redness or abnormalities in that area. Your wife could get a type specific blood test to determine whether she has type 2.

Stress is a big trigger when it comes to herpes. Are you taking any vitamins or supplements to boost your immune system? Your body needs lots of rest too, meaning quality sleep at night. It helps to look at your diet too as some people will get o/b's from eating foods high in arginine and i think i mentioned before that herpes loves an acidic environment so acidic foods should be kept to a minimum if you feel that this could be your particular cause.

It's odd how some people get o/b's like clockwork while others will go years without an o/b. At the end of the day you have to work out what works for/against you and organise your life around the herpes, especially if you are getting frequent o/b's.

I pesonally feel that you would have caught it off one of your previous partners rather than off a towel. Somebody would have had to have wiped with the towel and you would have had to have used the their towel whilst still wet to have passed the virus on. Once a towel or bed linen is washed the virus dies and once a towel begins drying the virus begins dying off.

As for viral shedding, if you google the official herpes web site on the net they go through everything on their site and they would explain it a lot better than i can. There are some other good sites too where they explain everything simply. Basically you can have viral shedding and have symptoms, while other times there will be no symptoms and that is called asymptomatic shedding. Shedding has nothing to do with your urinary tract.

 
Old 02-13-2007, 05:38 AM   #5
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Re: Lots of Questions and very confused! Any help??

Buff,

I was reading another post of yours in someone else's thread and you said that your wife is hung up on how you got herpes. First of all you said that you've had this a long time...I believe you say that 12 years ago was your first OB...you've been married I see here for 9 years. You can only "catch" herpes once(in your case at least 12 years ago). As far as you getting anal OBs, that's absolutely has nothing to do with having anal sex! I have OBs of it all over me from time to time. I've had it on my hands, my wrist, my rear, my pelvis and genitals, inside my thigh, outside my thigh, and just recently I've had it on my back! You tell me how it gets all over me? I don't know but it just does. OH and don't think that those old GFs would tell you they had herpes...most people keep it a guarded secret...but most importantly a lot of symptoms are confused with common "women problems". I'm sure that you caught it from a previous GF(of course). And here's what happened to my husband. I got herpes from him a little over a year ago and he did not know he had herpes and he even suspected that I gave it to him because for some reason, after my horrible initial OB, he started breaking out on his face but he had been getting small red bumps on his penis all along that neither one of us had a clue was herpes...well anyway, I'm all over the place rambling on...to make a long story even longer, I just found out from finding an old post of my husband's EX that SHE had herpes all along so HE got herpes from her! She never let on to having herpes, my husband was clueless! There's no need for your wife to be hung up on how you got it unless she thinks you were a virgin...otherwise you got it from a previous relationship...it's no great mystery how one catches herpes!
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Last edited by keepsgoin; 02-13-2007 at 05:41 AM.

 
Old 02-18-2007, 08:27 PM   #6
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Re: Lots of Questions and very confused! Any help??

Quote:
Originally Posted by buff1 View Post
Each time I see a dr. they ask me if I've ever done anything with another guy. I have never and would never. I just got a new family doctor after my last one retired. This one looks at me funny and asks me about having sex with other men.
I've never had anal sex, yet the herpes sores appear in my anal area 90% of the time. Having herpes is embarrassing enough without having to deal with doctors who don't know what they are talking about.

Last edited by a1_ideal; 02-18-2007 at 08:30 PM.

 
Old 02-19-2007, 12:28 AM   #7
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Re: Lots of Questions and very confused! Any help??

That's one thing i dont understand is why majority of people get their o/b's at the genital area (vaginal/penis) but a few of us get it across our anal area and there was no anal sex involved. I often wonder what makes this virus decide to put up camp in a certain spot.

 
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