Devastated-Just found out - Herpes Message Board

oceangirl616 · 04-15-2007, 02:22 PM

I just found out I have herpes and I am beyond devastated. I can not stop crying. Who knew you could get it from having oral sex when someone has a cold sore. Am I the only one that stupid. I can't believe I have an STD, who's ever going to want me? I just want to die!!!! I keep thinking what did I do to deserve this. I have genital herpes and he has oral and he gave it to me. No body thinks its a big deal to have oral herpes but just tell them you have genital and they say, oh my god , I'm so sorry. like its something horrible because it is and now I will have it for the rest of my life. No matter how much I cry and scream, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THIS, its not going away. I don't know how to get past the sadness.

kitty_the_cat · 04-16-2007, 05:27 AM

hi, i would just like to say i know EXACTLY how you feel. same thing happened to me. i had no idea it was possible, in fact my bf didnt have a cold sore in his mouth, he had one in his nose a week earlier. This virus is very infectious.
i cried for weeks. every day. about 5 times a day (or everytime i thought about it) its hard becuase thoughts about me being disgusting and diseased cross my mind every single day. i blamed myself, i think maybe if i wasnt so stressed out my body would have been able to protect me from it. or if i had been more careful things might be different. i wanted to die.
but i try not to think about it, i have to remind myself that there is nothing i can do about it, worrying will only make things worse. alot of people have it.

i hope you have some support to get you through it, and also try to read everything you can about it, and keep checking this forum, it helps to talk to other ppl.

oceangirl616 · 04-16-2007, 10:09 AM

Thank you so much for your replay, thats exactly how I feel. I have no one to talk to so it really means a lot to me, I can't tell anyone. Do you still cry? How long ago did you find out? Did you get any more out breaks? It looks like I'm clear but I tried to have sex and its still painful. How long does it take? Did you go for counseling?
Thank you again for your replay, I really needed to hear from someone else. No one would understand how it feels.
Celeste

kitty_the_cat · 04-16-2007, 05:08 PM

have you talked about it with the guy your with?
also how did you find out, did they do tests or a swab?
i went to the docs on new yrs because i was in so much pain (worst new year ever!) and found out after they did a swab that it was HSV1. It healed in 4 days after taking the medication. i had 3 tiny red lumps. they had disapeared completly within 4 days. i have been back a few times asking for blood tests because i want to make sure but they have all told me there is no point in doing a blood test.

I have not had an outbreak since. apparently reoccurances are very different to the initial outbreak. Maybe i have had one...im not sure. sometimes i get this pain that feels like a needle is jabbing me there but it goes away after a few seconds. and i had this pimple looking thing appear on the top of my thigh that was there for 2 weeks. im not sure what that was. but it didnt hurt. When i got my first OB it hurt to walk, sit, anything.

i have read that alot of ppl with genital HSV1 dont get it back. Is that the type that you have?
Most ppl get coldsores so i think they are more protected from the virus, but i had never had one before and i was going through some MAJOR stress and depression at the time i think that is why i got it. My bf has been with many ppl and never passed it on b4 (that he knows of).
im clinging onto the hope that it never comes back. or even that they got it wrong and i dont have it...

no i dont cry about it anymore i am trying to focus on keeping happy, stress free and healthy so i can not have any more outbreaks. i am taking vitamins and L-Lysine and tea tree oil baths. Also my bf is supportive but he is the only person i have told apart from my docs.

keep posting, it will help to talk to people
stay strong! hugs

kitty_the_cat · 04-16-2007, 05:22 PM

i would also like to add, gosh it seems so unfair that i have it. like i must have some major bad luck or bad karma. we have only had oral sex twice and he doesnt get coldsores in his mouth, only his nose. my doc did think it was a bit strange. i think i was just very very unlucky.
did ur partner have a coldsore at the time?