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How do I go on?

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Old 05-29-2007, 11:18 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2007
Location: no where land, WA, US
Posts: 7
colie7 HB User
How do I go on?

ok. so I found out about a month ago that I have herpes. I am young and I don't know how to handle this. I get very angry about it and take it out on my boyfriend, the only other person that knows about it. Neither of us have told anyone because we don't want to loose our dignity. We seem to be able to talk about this online or text/IMing but we can't talk to eachother in person about it very well. We don't know how to move on from this rough patch in the road. We love eachother more then ever now but we just can't seem to talk about it. How would we begin our conversation? How can we talk about it when we are so confused in our own minds? I'm confused and lost and having a hard time accepting this. any words of advice would be magnificent! please take the time to help us. thank you!

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Old 05-30-2007, 01:06 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: MD
Posts: 839
Ornament HB User
Re: How do I go on?

Welcome to the Board!
Reading your post really moved me and I wanted to respond...In the beginning herpes is an "emotional" rollercoaster, you'll go thru all sorts of emotions, this will pass. I would suggest reading online as much as you can and perhapssharing the info. with your boyfriend. Maybe, this will help you both start talking about it. Facts are wonderful, but just don't get overwhelmed-also the herpes pictures online are usually worse-case-scenario. That does not mean you will have it that bad. I'm so sorry you're both so young and contracted this virus. My initial outbreak was @ 39 yrs. old, hsv-2 gentially. And yeah, it does suck, until you figure out how it control it or keep the virus in hibernation. So, in a way it does teach us to take better carre of ourselves, but what a way to learn. You will learn to live with it. The key is to find ways to control the virus and DON'T let it CONTROL YOU....Search for "never an outbreak" by Terri Warren, I think - her info. is up to date and beneficial. Controlling the virus is a process, that does get easier with time...I've had it for almost 4 yrs now. And like I said it does get easier....Knowledge, patience (which I don't have - usually) and this board has helped me, tremendously. Start keeping a diary, with your symptons...Write down anything that you notice may "trigger" (wake-up) the virus....alot of times it's stress, your monthly period, lack of sleep, poor diet and food triggers, ie: peanuts, caffiene, chocolate, alcohol are just to name a few. Also, this virus can treat each of us differently, meaning what triggers or helps one person, may not help another. But, you'll need to "learning the signs", that you're body is giving you. I guess, my best advice would be to read around this board, ask questions and don't stress, herpes can be controlled and you can have a normal life. I look at it now has a mild skin irritation, that makes me enjoy new ways to be affectionate with my man. I also, take my daily handful of vitamins, to boost my immune system, to keep the virus in hibernation. Keep in mind, herpes is NOT life-threating and there are worse illnesses out there. Inform yourself, feel better and good luck with you & your boyfriend....It all gets better with time.....Hope something here was helpful and keep in mind, that we're all here for each other.
Take Care, -Ornament

Old 05-30-2007, 10:11 PM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,080
Piranna65 HB User
Re: How do I go on?

I found out about 3 years ago I had herpes. I remember my primary (and only) outbreak! It was terrible. I had been with my partner for over a year at the time. So I didnt know what to think, how i got it from who. I went to the appointment alone and the doctor took one look and said "i think it's herpes" I cried right there. I went home and my mom felt sick that she didnt come with me. I thought for sure my b/f would leave me. That we were through. I called him and told him and he was silent. I gave him time to think about it. We talked and he decided to stay. I told him if he wanted to leave I would understand. I think herpes is kinda what brought up marriage. And let me tell you now that herpes shouldnt be the reason you marry.

I know I was upset and scared... I wanted to know "who gave this to me" I wanted to know. My partner (now husband) never went it to be tested. Nor has he ever had any outbreaks. I called one of my ex's, the last one I was intimate with, he said he went in for a test and it came back negative. But at the time he still wanted to be with me, so I kinda thought maybe it was him since he still wanted me? Most guys would head for the hills! My best advice would be dont bother trying to find out. It wont be worth it. Especially since herpes can lay dormant for years!

You will get through this. It isnt life threatening. I know it's a terrible thing. The only people I have told in all of 3 years....of course my husband, my parents know mom and dad and one of my good friends. I have a younger sister that I want to tell but I want to wait till she's older. She's 16 and I dont want her running around telling anyone.

You will get through day at a time! You and your boyfriend should talk. Plan a time and talk about it.

Old 05-30-2007, 11:00 PM   #4
Join Date: May 2007
Location: no where land, WA, US
Posts: 7
colie7 HB User
Re: How do I go on?

I am now 16. My boyfriend was the only person that I have ever slept with. I was afraid he was going to leave me because he might think that I was sleeping with someone else but fortunately he believed me and felt horrible for giving it to me. We have tried to set aside time to talk about it but we always don't really talk about it because we don't know what to say. I appreciate all of your advice to both of you and I'd really just like someone else to talk to that knows the feeling of everything.

I had an o/b. that is how I found out. my doctor said it was definitally herpes and it was a severe case. I could barely stand to sit down so she perscribed me Valtrex. it worked but it is still healing. that was about a month ago. actually I was diagnosed on our anniversary. how exciting. I feel so many new emotions with no logical explination and I don't know why. What were some things that helped you through the first few months?

Old 05-31-2007, 07:35 AM   #5
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: england
Posts: 19
scared01 HB User
Re: How do I go on?

thanks a lot for your reply it has helped, im not very good at this computer stuff think ive just sent this message to myself! Now i have to decide if i can tell the most perfect man i have ever met, i did try but i got so upset and stressed b4 hand that i gave myself another o/b. i havent spoken to him for a few weeks he thought i wanted to finish things with him so he ran a mile b4 i could tell him.Now i have lost the little confodence i had to tell him, terrified of rejection. wish me luck. xx

Old 05-31-2007, 03:27 PM   #6
Join Date: May 2007
Location: no where land, WA, US
Posts: 7
colie7 HB User
Re: How do I go on?

the very best of luck to you. I was terrified too. but it is something that HAS to be done. I told my boyfriend the day I found out. I couldn't wait because I knew the longer I waited the harder it would have been to tell him. Please keep me posted on how things go! thank you!

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