Generally Pissed and Saddened and Need Advice. - Herpes Message Board

marktatlga · 08-18-2007, 03:46 AM

So here's my story. I used a website called ******** on the chance I would meet a nice girl, a different kind of girl than I had been meeting out at the clubs, bars, etc. We were together for about 4 months. She was on the pill but always wanted me to use a condom. I asked her why and she said it was because she had had a pregnancy scare when she was younger and wanted to make sure. One time when we were having sex the condom fell off and shortly there after I had my first outbreak.

I went to the doctor at that point and got tested and was positive but it was not a specific test, although I do know he used the iGg test. I asked her about it and she said it couldn't be her. I believed her, not sure why, just did. I got tested again about 2-3 months after that and the test result was negative. I already knew that I had HSV-1, had that for years. So I have been in a relationship now for a little over a year and had my second outbreak. I went to the doctor again and he confirmed, not by testing but visually that it was HSV-2. I told my girlfriend about it and she understands but it still is just a real pain.

Having this outbreak keeps me from sleeping as I ponder how ****ed I am that the girl did not tell me she herpes. I do not mean to sound naive but I guess I just don't understand how someone could lie about that!? She pretty much made a decision that resulted in me getting herpes. Had she told me she had it, I would have been much more careful during sex.

Luckily the girl I am dating now is very understanding. When I had the second outbreak after testing negative, I told her right away. She got tested and was negative. Which is great. She can now choose what she wants to do.

Anyway, the doctor put me on Valtrex, 1 g twice daily. He said since I already had an outbreak it did not matter but it would be good for the next time. Well, this outbreak has lasted close to 5 weeks. I even tried taking the Valtrex for 10 days and it does not seem to help. I am going back on Monday but what can I do until then?

Thanks.

keepsgoin · 08-18-2007, 06:53 AM

How do you know you got herpes from that woman just because she asked you to wear a condom? I think anyone that doesn't use a condom is a fool!!!!! Haven't you ever heard of AIDS and a whole array of other STDs!? You sound like someone that doesn't normally use a condom...I mean you should have been the one to say "I'm using a condom!!!!!!!!!!!!" So if my assumption is correct(that you never wear condoms)...how in the world would you know who you got it from?????

You say you thought this one was a nice girl yet you were put out by her asking you to use a condom...sorry, I'm confused? What makes you think that you can tell if someone has herpes or not? Even a virgin can have genital herpes so don't assume you can look at someone and tell if they have herpes or did you think only hookers have herpes or something? 1 in 4 adults has genital herpes BTW!!!!!!! So if you had been going around having unprotected sex with lots of "bad" girls the chances that you got herpes from someone before "nice girl" are pretty high!!!!!

Another thing...your doctor cannot confirm visually if a herpes OB is hsv 1 or hsv 2. You can have either hsv 1 or hsv 2 genitally and it looks the same no matter what strain you have.

What can you do until then? Wear condoms with your GF. Better yet refrain from sex all together until the outbreak is over and then after your OB is over...always wear a condom if you don't want to give her herpes. Being a "nice girl" does not make her immune to catching genital herpes from you BTW.

catharine101 · 08-18-2007, 07:21 AM

Although it seems likely that this girl gave you herpes, as you had your first OB shortly after the incident where the condom came off, it is important to realize that you may have had it before. The positive test immediatly after th condom broke would have been reflecting your previous HSV-1 status. It takes 3-4 months to build up the anitbodies to get a positive test. So if she gave it to you then, it wouldn't have shown up on a blood test. You did have the OB though, so that seems more indicative. It may have been dormant genitally for years, and come up for another reason. Don't be too quick to lay blame - fact is, you will NEVER know for sure. Especially because you were HSV-1 positive before this encounter. As well, your second negative test would have been a false negative. (Happens all the time). If you've had what you are calling HSV-1 for years, the test should have been positive. I'm not sure when you use the term HSV-1 if you've actually had that determined (sounds like maybe not), or if you intend to say you've had oral herpes for years.

You indicate that you've had HSV-1 for years. I'm going to assume you mean orally. Last poster is correct - HSV1/2 can live in either location. Get a type specific test. If it is positive for HSV-1 only, you have the same thing you had before, and it has moved to an additional location. From what I understand, this isn't as common, but can happen. If you had oral sex with the girl, you may have given it to her genitally, and then she gave it back to you genitally. Or you may have given her oral herpes through kissing, and if she gave you oral sex it could have been transferred to back to you genitally. Lots of fun combinations!! This is certainly possible. If it's HSV-2, from the sounds of it that is a new infrection for you, and could indeed have been from the girl.

Keep in mind, it's possible she didn't know she had it. What makes you think she was lying when she said she had a pregnancy scare. From experience I know that's possible!! A person can carry the virus for literally years, and never show a symptom, so she could have been telling the truth. Until you have a reason for doubting her, try giving her the benefit of the doubt!!

And Oceana, if you're reading this, I'd like to direct your attention to paragraph 3 of the initial post!!

Cheers!

marktatlga · 08-18-2007, 10:49 AM

Thank you for your posts. I would like to clarify that I woke up at 4:30 am to write the post. I did not mean to offend anyone.

Keepsgoing, you are right that it is probably better to use a condom but when you find someone you think you can trust, making love is a mutually shared experience that is better without a condom. I have asked every long term relationship I have been with to get tested prior. I always got tested prior to engaging in unprotected sex. I feel like I upset you in my post. That was not the intention. I am just very upset and while it may not be true that she was the one that gave it to me, I lie awake at night ****ed at her and ****ed at myself.

Catharine101, I truly appreciate your 'teaching me a thing or two'. She may not have been the one to give it to me as I said I had the HSV-1, "at least that was my thought based on cold sore on the lips". I might not have made it clear that I am no longer with the girl that I believe gave me HSV-2. You are right, I have not done a type-specific test. So, I could have gotten HSV-1 genitally. Of this I am not sure. What I do know is that shortly after sex when the condom fell off, I got my first outbreak. I have never talked with her about it, having deleted her number off my phone in the last month. I just want peace.