In disbelief - Herpes Message Board

Inshock · 10-16-2007, 07:37 PM

My daughter age twenty prides herself on morality and being a virgin. She had oral sex for the first time three or so weeks ago haveing a guy who seemed ok go down on her. She works out alot and runs and developed a rash and bumps. I thought it might be a yeast infection but after going to the doctor's today she and my self were crushed to find out it is Genital Herpes!!! How is this possible in today's age when I grew up in the promiscuous 60's and never new any one with a venereal disease??
The doctor said this was possible. I am in shock because if anyone didn't deserve this, it was her.
Has anyone else experienced this freak of nature in my book?

catharine101 · 10-16-2007, 08:00 PM

Well, unfortunately, herpes is most certainly NOT a freak of nature!!

It's really unfortunate that this had to happen to your daughter, but the fact is that many virgins have genital herpes. The virus is so taboo to talk about, and the majority of people have little or no education on the virus. As a result, the virus has reached epidemic porportions.

80% of people (in America) have the herpes virus, and 25% of people have genital herpes. Unfortunately, only a very small portion of them actually know they have the virus. This is one of the largest contributing factors to the spread of the disease. You mentioned the promiscuous 60's - there is actually a very good chance that you DO have herpes. It is not a part of any blood test, annual checkup, STD screening - no doctor will test for it unless you specifically ask for it. As a result, SO many people remain undiagnosed. And many people act only as "carriers" in that they never show a symptom, but can still spread the virus.

The guy that your daughter was with has oral herpes, and spread it to her genitals via oral sex. Herpes is spread via skin on skin contact - you do not need to have full intercourse to contract the virus. Dry sex, touching each other, even kissing can transmit the disease. In case you were unaware, oral herpes is cold sores. Most people really aren't aware that cold sores are herpes. Thus they proceed through their life not knowing about the virus they are potentially spreading.

There are very few people out there who intentionally spread the virus. The fact is, that this guy probably doesn't know he has the virus, or how it's spread, or anything about it at all. I myself contracted this virus from a partner who has likely had the virus for at least 10 years. He has never shown a symptom, but suddenly I showed up with genital herpes and he tested positive. I found out later that his ex had very bad cold sores, but they had never been told it was herpes.

This is a horrible thing for your daughter to have to face, but it is not the end of the world. She is very lucky to have family that is so supportive of her. I highly recommend getting as knowledgable about the virus as possible. I highly recommend the "Herpes Handbook" by Terri Warren. It can be downloaded, and outlines in plain language all kinds of information that will be helpful to you both.

Good luck

Inshock · 10-16-2007, 08:24 PM

Thank You for your response. I find the 80% of the population contracting Herpes to be unbelievable. Can you tell me your sources for that information.
Also, you are saying that someone who shows no symptoms can transmit the disese? Could you give me a link to this so I can educate myself and why is the Dept of Health so out of touch with this?

Thanks,
In Shock

Ca.Girl2 · 10-16-2007, 08:53 PM

Inshock,

A culture was done of your daughters rash correct???

And you will find out the results in a few days as to what type (hsv1)(hsv2) right? Or was the doctors diagnoses given on what he saw? Its important to get an actual culture of the lesions.

Your daughters lucky to have a supportive dad on board with her.

catharine101 · 10-16-2007, 09:00 PM

Isn't that 80% stat just crazy?? It's true though - hence my reference to herpes having reached epidemic porportions.

The herpes handbook I recommended to you quotes 70% of adults in the US being positive for HSV1, and 22% of people in the US being positive for HSV2. The 80% stat I believe came from the Valtrex website, although I don't remember for sure. It's a common stat quoted on this board though... There are acutally eight different herpes viruses, however, the herpes simplex virus which we talk about on this board refers to HSV1 and HSV2.

A few quick facts for you (but download the handbook, it's really good). Oral herpes (cold sores) is USUALLY HSV1. Genital herpes is USUALLY HSV2. However, either strain can live in either location, even though they have their preferences. The incidence of HSV1 genitally is rising, because of the increase in oral sex. So having been diagnosed with genital herpes does not mean that your daughter necessarily has either strain - she will need a type specific test to determine that. And it is important that she know, because the different strains act in different ways in either location (generally).

It takes 3 - 4 months for a person's blood to develop enough antibodies against the virus to show positive on a blood test. Therefore, the only way that she can be diagnosed properly now is to do a culture or swab on her sores. Provided the doctor does this while they are still "active", this test is very reliable, as it tests for the actual virus, as opposed to the antibodies. Ask for the HerpesSelect test.

Has your daughter ever had a cold sore?? I'm wondering if indeed this actually is her first exposure. She may have unknowingly had a prior infection. The best way to determine this, is to have her take a blood test now. If she test positive now, it is due to a prior infection because as I said, it takes 3 - 4 months for a test to show positive. Has she been sick at all?? Flu like symptoms?? These are signs of first exposure, as opposed to first outbreak.

Yes. Most people who have herpes don't know they have herpes - and can spread the disease. Many people are "carriers". They either show no symptoms at all, or the symptoms are so mild and clear up so quickly that they don't even notice there is anything wrong. However, they are still capable of spreading the virus.

The virus goes through periods called "asymptomatic shedding". Basically, the virus is active, and shedding through your skin cells even though you show no symptoms. The problem is, there is no way to tell when this is happening. Thus, people don't know they are spreading the virus. Condoms help, but contact anywhere in the boxer shorts region can spread the virus, so they certainly aren't 100%.

This site does not allow us to post links. However, a good place to start is the Valtrex website. It's got VERY basic information and FAQ's for people who are just starting out on this lifelong journey. As well, do a search for Terri WArren and the herpes handbook - there is so much information in this handbook that is really important to know.

As for the Department of Health - well. They know the numbers. But you don't die from herpes, so it's not as big a deal as, say, AIDS. As well, since 80% of the population has it, I guess they figure there isn't much point. I mentioned before that doctors don't test for it. That's true. Annual exams, PAP smears, blood work, military screenings, STD screenings (believe it or not!), even pre-natal screenings. None of these include herpes testing, and passing herpes to a newborn is extremely dangerous!! This is probably due to a number of factors. I've heard many people say that the HerpesSelect test is quite expensive (I'm in Canada, so no cost). Many doctors seem to think that, since we probably have it anyway, why test for it?? Most doctors are woefully uninformed about the virus. In fact, you will find that in a very short period of time, you will know more about this than your daughter's doctor does. This ongoing ignorance is the reason why it's so important that you get yourself educated as quickly as possible.

I'm not sure if you are aware, but there is currently no cure for the virus. I don't want to depress you or your daughter, but you need to know this. It's also important for you to know that most people suffer from outbreaks infrequently - 1 or 2 a year. If you read much on this site, you will hear lots of stories. Don't let them scare you - we are venting!! Your daughter will very likely be able to live a happy normal life. And regarding my earlier comment about newborns, she will be able to have children no problem - there are precautions to be taken at the time.

Feel free to post any questions you may have or any other venting you need to do. I'd also encourage your daughter to sign on. Many people find that talking to others anonymously about this really helps them go through that acceptance stage.